10 Things You Should Never Say To Her ?!?!?!?

[b-side]

Hey I didn't write it I got it in an e-mail

10. Man, you look so much like your mom!

Now, unless her mother is a yummy mummy and everyone knows it, you are better off not saying this to a gal. For one thing, she does not want to associate herself with her mom, and second, you are saying that she looks old. Instead, ask her whether she thinks she looks more like her mom or her dad, but even then you're opening a can of worms. Just leave this topic alone.

9. I would have invited you, but you're no fun

You're gonna die, it is that simple. Tell her what you will, lie to her if you must; this is when white lies and fibs are practically mandatory. I agree that if your lady will not have fun somewhere, like at your buddy's house to watch the game, do not force the issue by inviting her only to be polite. Instead, spin it as if you knew she was busy or would just be uninterested. It could save your life.

8. Anything related to marriage or children

While many, many women would love to meet a man mature enough to discuss life's, you know, small intricacies, some couldn't care less. Others are out for a good time, and you talking children and kids may sound nice on Disney's after-school specials, but for the most part, it will either give women false hopes or just get you in trouble one way or another.

7. Would have, could have, should have

Feel free to engage in philosophical hogwash after drunken sessions with your friends, but when it comes to women, avoid getting all sentimental and philosophical because again, you are simply opening up avenues of torturous rhetoric. Keep it simple and shut your mouth; you will thank me later.

6. You don't need another pair of shoes

This is when Imelda Marcos bursts out of the wall and shreds your arm off. You see, it is not a rumor or stereotype that women have too many shoes. It is a reality. It is insanity and defies all logic, laws of nature or science. I have stopped questioning this. In fact, use the different shoes to your advantage to spice it up in the bedroom.

5. Any story about your private life

Sure it's cool for your gal to know about your past adventures, exploits and legendary feats, but it's no good. In fact, it's very bad because she will assume that you are still up to your old tricks every time you say "goodbye, see you later." And if this is not bad enough, if you ever do slip up, then she will know ASAP.

4. Come on, a few little cramps never hurt anybody

Okay, we may all think it, but does she make fun of you when you get bruises and bumps after your games? Probably not... at least not out loud, so you should be just as courteous. Rumor has it that women like a drink or two when they have their period, so suggest a nice glass of wine to soothe the cramps.

3. What's the big deal? You have another birthday next year

Run -- that is really all the instruction you need for this one. Actually, forgetting a loved one's birthday is bad, but forgetting your girlfriend's birthday is grounds for a break up. Even Ike Turner got Tina something, no? In any case, use reminders, ask your friends, have your parents inform you... hell, get her friends to remind you. It's her birthday; she wants to feel like she is the center of your universe, where she belongs.

2. Are you sure the dress shrunk?

"How much do you weigh?" is not the only question to be avoided. One of women's greatest insecurities is cellulite, so watch out for that as well. Instead of saying, "sorry dear, your dress hasn't shrunk, you just enlarged," be positive and suggest healthy eating, working out together, and anything that will not hurt her but rather have her appreciate your caring and loving side.

1. That's not the way my ex did it

Even if your new girl is miles better than any of your exes, do not compare notes. Why? This is bound to take you down No Man's Land Avenue and lead you to the doghouse. She is smarter than that, and she will find something incriminating, like "Oh really, well how many exes did you sleep with?" Don't compare breast size, skin softness, leg factor, or the bass' rhythm, just enjoy the buffet. And if you happen to be walking down the street, keep your head straight and check your vision.

Although I have heard better this list is pretty accurate.

------------------

The DJ From Another Planet ™

[This message has been edited by b-side (edited 06-06-2001).]

[dale77]

Apparently you and I are the only ones who thought this was funny

------------------

You're only young once

[navid73]

warning the use of the above coments will transform any average chick into loraina bobbit

[tastyt]

Originally posted by b-side:

6. You don't need another pair of shoes

This is when Imelda Marcos bursts out of the wall and shreds your arm off. You see, it is not a rumor or stereotype that women have too many shoes. It is a reality. It is insanity and defies all logic, laws of nature or science. I have stopped questioning this. In fact, use the different shoes to your advantage to spice it up in the bedroom.

LMAO- I've heard this one before. It was met with a blank stare. Too many shoes?! I just don't understand!

------------------

Let me take you on a journey into bliss.

[b-side]

Originally posted by dale77:

Apparently you and I are the only ones who thought this was funny

It's Probably bcz. I'm NOT in most of the little ClicKs 'round here.... Even though I've been here LONGER..

It' O.K. D77, Most women cannot stop to look at themselves WITHOUT a mirror...

But I can easily see the people who posted a reply are not SHALLOW.

I Appreciacate the

------------------

The DJ From Another Planet ™