Funny old world LOL

[back2basics-]

"All of a sudden I was smelling something disgusting, and I started to gag," Monique Garcia told reporters at a news conference in Santa Monica. "I looked round at my friends, and saw that they were covered in something absolutely gross. And as I looked down at myself, I realised I was too."

Garcia's attorney, Gloria Allred, then described what had occurred at the Snow Summit Ski Resort in the San Bernardino Mountains, during the videotaping of a segment for MTV's "Dude, This Sucks" Show. "Miss Garcia and her friend, Kelli Stoat, were standing in the front row of the audience, when a two-man act called Shower Rangers came on stage. Without warning or explanation, the two Shower Rangers turned their backsides to the audience, and both opened a flap on the back of their shorts, exposing their naked buttocks. Before my clients could say or do anything, the Shower Ranger whose buttocks faced them bent over, spread his cheeks, and emitted a spray of fecal matter over them. We learned later that he had given himself a three-quart enema immediately before going on stage, to ensure a large quantity of spray.

"We believe that subjecting young people without their knowledge and consent to such an outrageous and indecent act is medically unsound, and completely unacceptable and intolerable. My clients want to send a message that this type of act goes far beyond the bounds of decency, and are therefore seeking compensatory and punitive damages for the intentional infliction of risk of disease, emotional distress, negligence, and battery."

MTV's president for programming, Brian Graden, later apologised, saying "this is a terrible incident. I can state categorically that the episode will never be aired, and we have taken steps to ensure such an event never happens again." (Sacramento Bee, 6/4/01. Spotter: Andrew Morris)

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"I wanted to go poo-poo at five in the morning, on the day before Good Friday," Christiani Ejembi told an ecstatic crowd at the Sam Ethnam air force base in Lagos, "and as soon as I slid the bolt, I was overwhelmed by feelings of shock and fear. But then a feeling of great calm suddenly came over me, and there in the cubicle, I had my first visible experience of the Virgin Mary."

Since that first vision of the Virgin, the Nigerian air force base has been attracting hundreds of pilgrims each day, all anxious to visit the miraculous lavatory cubicle, and to sing hymns of praise. Ms Ejembi's brother, John Abbah, later told reporters that "the Virgin has been appearing during poo-poo to us every day since then, usually at about 7pm. Yesterday, my sister and I spent about thirty minutes going poo-poo, and receiving instructions and messages from Her. It has pleased Her to tell us to charge for admission to the hallowed toilet, and for passing on messages to the faithful while going poo-poo. Yes, it is true that no one else going poo-poo has yet seen the Virgin, but that is because we do not have Her itinerary. She can appear at any time it pleases Her, usually on the louvre of the toilet." (This Day [Nigeria], 16/401)

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"Zoosexuals are not animal abusers," Phillip Buble told members of the Criminal Justice Committee in the State House in Augusta, Maine, "and we do far less damage to them than people who eat animal flesh, hunt animals, or allow medical experiments that torture animals. Me and my significant other live together as a married couple, and have a lifelong commitment to each other. Canine or not, in the eyes of God, she is truly my beloved wife."

Buble, accompanied by his dog, "Lady Buble," was speaking in opposition to bill LD 1283, which would make it a felony to have sexual intercourse with an animal (something that is currently not illegal in Maine, or in twenty-four other US states). He argued that "this law is an attempt to force morality onto a minority. It would keep zoo couples from coming out of the closet, and drive us deeper underground, or make us move to other states. If it's legal for two animals to have sexual relations, then why not a human and an animal?"

But Senator Lloyd P. LaFountain III, who had sponsored the bill, rejected Buble's arguments, referring to "troubling stories which are too perverse to share." His concerns were echoed by Deborah Clark of the National Federation of Humane Societies, who told the committee of "cats destroyed by internal organ damage, and of dogs and cows damaged by human sexual abuse, all for the gratification of disgusting, retch-inducing, perverted scum." (Bangor Daily News [Maine], 27/3/01. Spotter: David Pinto-Duschinsky

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I want to go out blazing..not fade away.

Trust in the currency of relationships, it's hard to earn but easy to loose - back2basics