the_greatest

[Alexandra]

The_greatest,

Thank you for finally posting something real. Despite the fact that I have no desire to ever share anything with this community again, I feel like I should respond to your post.

No, you do not know me at all. But, that didn’t stop you from repeatedly bashing me over and over, day after day over the simple fact that you didn’t want to read my personal crap. Now I ask you, which of us is more of a nuisance to the board? My one, “crappy†personal post, or 30 of your posts saying that I am fat and ugly and stupid have no life?

There are a lot of posts on this board that I think are insipid, boring or irrelevant, but I ignore them. I don’t reply that that person is stupid and ugly and annoying and try to antagonize them every chance I get. How is that going to improve the problem, if your problem is truly that you feel like my personal posts were somehow detrimental to the quality of the conversations of this board?

You also admit that you wanted to cause drama, and that you didn’t mean for me to feel threatened and you don’t really know me. Well, how would you like to know that I have been stalked and threatened before? Is that drama enough for you? No, you never said you would cause me bodily harm but the way that you tried to fuck with my mind and make me think that you knew who I was enough to make me seriously consider giving up going out for a while.

Now, there is no way that you would know I would have that reaction because you do not know me or my history, but that is exactly my point. Maybe some people can take your kind of teasing for the joke that you mean it to be, but to me, your words were not a joke to me, and they may not be to others. Call me insecure, but given my past, that is just how I feel. And although I am tremendously relieved that you don’t know me and had no malicious intentions, that doesn’t make up for the way I have felt every time I read your posts.

You can say this should be a lesson to me to know better than to post personal shit on this board, and I would agree, but you would still not be right in what you did. Even if you bashed me because you wanted to teach me a lesson to think with my own mind – which I do, thank you very much – how is continually telling me what an ugly slut I am going to teach me to think for myself?

Yes, I do post personal stuff on the board from time to time that may not seem club related, but I am by no means the only one. I think the reason people, myself included, feel compelled to ask personal questions on the board is because the board is (mostly) full of intelligent people who share a common interest who we feel will give us an unbiased opinion, since this is, ultimately, an anonymous medium. Do we take the advice to heart? I seriously doubt that. If you really think I have to consult the board every time I have to go pee, then you have obviously not been reading my posts as carefully as you say you have. I am am open and curious person who likes to know the opinions and suggestions of my peers, but I am in no way a person who is easily influenced by “society†or majority opinions, and anyone who DOES know me could easily tell you that.

I am a writer and I enjoy telling my stories. While I could have simply posted, “where is a cool spot to go that has a 20- to 30 something crowd,†my style was to tell the whole story. If you didn’t give a fuck, then why did you waste your time reading it?! If you read my post out of curiosity or by accident and were so disgusted by what you perceived to be my inability to make a decision on my own, then you could have repled and written that! I will never understand how you felt that barraging me with insults day after day was going to accomplish anything at all, but then again, I don’t know you, either.

Anyway, that’s really all I have to say on this matter. Although I genuinely appreciate the fact that you took the time to let me know that I don’t have to look over my shoulder the next time I go out, my feelings about this board are just not the same after this. I really enjoy giving my opinions and reading everyone else's thoughts (even those I don't agree with), but I am really not feeling too great about sharing anything anymore, even if it’s simply my opinion of the top 10 songs Oakenfold played. Maybe I’ll post again, maybe I won’t, but I have definitely learned my lesson. So thank you for sharing, and I hope you learned something, too.

Alexandra

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"Sometimes I wonder if my dreams are wild... Sometimes I know they'll all come true" - Ascension, "Someone"

alexandra@zoggle.com