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Club Guide to Who's Who...


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WHEN YOU LIVE IN NYC THERE`S ALSO ALOT OF CLUBBING GOING ON, NO MATTER WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IT IS! WHEN CHILLIN IN THE CLUB`S YOU SEE ALOT OF FUNNY PEOPLE(THAT WHEN YOU SEE THEM, YOU LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PERSON?").....SO WHAT I HAVE IS AN UNOFFCIAL "WHO`S WHO" CLUB GUIDE THAT HAS ALL YOUR FAVORITE CLUB CHARACTERS....

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CAPTAIN WORKOUT

This guy spends all week in the gym and needs little or no reason to take off his tight @$$ shirt revealing an even tighter top, so tight you can see his heart beating and parade`s around the club like Mr.. Universe.

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SHAMALEKA SPANDEX

You know her . . . 300 lbs.. size 48, buys a size 6 red and yellow spandex outfit. To the horror of others, she wears it to the club.

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JOHNNY ONE DRINK

Takes three hours to finish one drink, then tries to fool everyone for another hour with a glass full of ice water & a straw. Has $3.50 in his pocket and a token.

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THE O.G.`s

Stands for "Old Guys". These guys just can't get over the fact that they are TOO OLD to be at the club. Their clubbing days are so far behind them their kids can legally buy alcohol. They try to be down with the younger generation by wearing gold fronts and try to speak slang using phrases like "What's up money!" and "That's fresh!"

THE OOOH GIRL:

She's that girl that's basically doing the two step dance, until her song

comes on and she screams to

her girl friends "OOOH GIRL, THAT`S MY SONG!!!" From this point on its

shake what your mamma gave ya and she will dance with what ever is in front of her, guy, girl, bar, wall, speakers, etc.

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WASTE OF TIME WILLY:

This is the one that buys a new outfit for the club; travels miles from home, at night to the club; pays $30.00 to get in the club; and when he's finally in the club . . .he just stands against the wall sipping on a cup of Pepsi fronting like it's rum-n-coke.

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BILLBOARD BILLY

Stepped out of the latest rap video, he feels the need to let everyone in the club know what name brand designer clothing he's wearing, down to his socks because he must have that one pant leg up. It may be pitch black in the club, but he's got $300 Versace sunglasses on. He's also the one making a call from the noisy dance floor on his cell phone, with a bottle of MOET (with the label facing outward so everyone can see) in his other hand...

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TAKIANNA & LAQUITA

The female African American equivalent of Siskel & Ebert, but they don't review movies. Their table is right near the door so they can "review" everyone who comes in the door: "That does NOT match, not even in the dark." "Uh, uh, no she didn't, she need to go back to the hair dresser and finish gettin her hair did!"; "His baby mamma must dress him."

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THE 1st AND 15th POSSE

We only see them in the club around these dates...

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TOUCHY FEELY TYRONE

He's the guy that loves to walk all over the club when it's crowded squeezing through girls and getting his free feels.

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ROBIN LEECH

Not the TV host. She has no money, but somehow gets some sucker to buy her drinks all night---usually BILLBOARD BILLY (see above for details).

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LOCKDOWN LEROY

Have been in and out of jail so many times, he has no clue as to what is in or out of style. He shows up in a "Malcolm X" cap, gold fronts, an "Eight Ball" leather Jackets and a silk polka dot shirt....TAKIANNA & LAQUITA have a field day with them.

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SHAHEENA STROBELITE & CO. (otherwise known as a SEA DONKEY)

They look good in the club, but outside..... AHHH DAMN!! And I bought you, a drink!

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The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

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Vertigo?

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"The world is a better place because of those who refuse to believe they can't

fly."

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nycedee was and always will be my bitch ...and he'll never forget that...Everyone else, please be real to yourselves before you try to tell others what is right and wrong...and please, please chill the fuck out with the hypocrisy...that kind of behavior makes us "racists" look like Ghandi (no Hindu-bashing implied)...unless you are my bitch nycedee and believe that free thinking=racism...because that makes the most sense of all.

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