lbrooke8 Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 Don't know if it has been posted before but slightly amusing!Men's guide to the club sceneBy: RAVER BILL1. Don't wear a shirt that you can use as a mirror. * it looks as though it is your first time at the club, or are really just that cheesy?2. Don't shop at places like Bang Bang. *The selection for guys is limited and too outrageous, you won't be the only one at the club wearing that ugly shirt. Besides, your lucky if it doesn't fall apart before you leave the house.3. Always wear dark colored shirts.*If it is too light in color she will be able to see your sweaty armpits,not attractive!4. Black shoes = black socks* This is not the fifties, and your not the Fonze.5. No glowsticks* Grow up, you don't look cool, this is not a rave, and your wasting to much space on the dancefloor!6. Arrive with girls* at a good club you will get in faster.* inside the club having girls with you makes you more attractive, it doesn't even matter who the girl is, it helps you look like less of a meatball.* It appeals to the competitive side of girls (they won't want you because you look good, they will want you because they think they are better then the girl you are with!)7. Breathmints* do you really need an explanation?8. Don't get too drunk.* its hard to hook up when you are slobbering on her.* yes, she knows you are drunk.9. Don't carry a water bottle.* she'll know your on drugs, and good girls (or at least girl who think they are good) don't like that.10. Don't use a line.* No matter what you say to her, its a line, and she has heard it before,try using hello."11. If a girl wants you, she will make it obvious* if your not sure if she wants you, she doesn't, or her boyfriend is there.* and if you do get a smile, make sure it is an inviting smile, she may just be laughing at you.12. If a girl asks you to buy her a drink, that is all she wants, you will be lucky if she stays until its finished.13. Bring a pen (you never know)* you can't always read a number written in eyeliner.* let her write it down, since you already forgot her name (she will probably write her name next to her number).14. If you do hook up, go wash the sparkles off your face before you go up to the next girl. She will know how they got there.15. Condom?* OK, first off, the odds are your not going to need one, but the one time you forget it, will be the night you need one (life's a bitch).* If you choose to bring one put it in your sock, not your pocket, if you are dancing closely with a girl and she feels the condom in your pocket she probably is not going to want to use it. Keep your future plans toyourself until the time is right.16. NO Cigars* What are you thinking? Do you really think a girl is going to want to go up to you when you are smoking some smelly ass cigar? (These are the guys who are usually wearing suits as well, trying to make themselves look important because they don't have any other excuse for being that fat.)All of these rules are based on my personal experiences or behavior I haveobserved at the club. Save yourself some embarrassment and live by theserules, I'm sure you will appreciate the results.WOMAN'S GUIDE TO CLUBS (from the male perspective)1. If you wear tight fitting pants you must wear a thong.*don't think guys don't notice, that is one of the first things we look at.*If I can see panty lines you are tacky.2. If you don't have the body to wear tight close do us all a favor and dress conservative.* I don't want to see your roles and I'm sure no one else does.* Just because your chest may be big doesn't mean you should wear a small top, especially a half shirt, I deduct a cup size for every role you have. (In other words a girl who is skinny w/ a B cup has a bigger chest to me then a girl w/ double D's and three roles.)3. If you are a larger woman you should stay away from animal print clothes, you will look like the real animal in life size.4. Anything that glows must go!* If I see a girl wearing a glow bracelet, necklace, tongue ring, or even worse using glowsticks I will look at her, laugh at her, and walk away from her.* Its just not ladylike, and makes you look cheesy.5. I think it is time you girls left your glitter at home.* The sparkle era is over.* My dry cleaning bill is getting a little ridicules b/c of you girls and all your damn sparkles.6. Don't make a fool of yourself.* Keep your dignity and don't dance on the bar or stage.* If you make a spectacle of yourself expect to get no respect, guys will talk to you and give you lots of attention, but when they walk away they will call you a whore.7. If you are not Bisexual don't front like you are!* I'm getting really tired of these girls who are clearly strait going with other girls on the dancefloor, if you are bisexual good for you, but if your not stop crying out for attention. We get teased enough as it is.8. If you are not interested in a guy don't let him buy you a drink.* If you let a guy buy you a drink it is only courtesy to stay with him for a little while, but do us both a favor if your not interested don't accept the drink, it saves us both time.* And if you ask me to buy you a drink I'm going to laugh at you because I know that is all you want!9. Cowboy hats are getting played!* Yes, you do look cute in a cowboy hat, but its time to leave it at home in the barn, to many girls are trying it and now its played out. You won't be the only girl at the club wearing one so why do it. Its like showing up and every girl is wearing the same dress, by trying to be different you end up being the same as the rest of them.10. Don't lie about your age.* we really don't care if you are 17 or 28 as long as you are truly interested.* We can usually tell when you are lying, and do our fair share of background check, so you will only end up looking like a fool if you lie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smilepimpette Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 Fawk "RAVER BILL," I like my glitter, as long as ya don't over do it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smilepimpette Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 Fawk "RAVER BILL," I like my glitter, as long as ya don't over do it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyco Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 Everything he says for males revolves around hooking up........wtf? RAVER my ass.......the female ones are pretty on point from my perspective though........especially number 1.......thank god.Mikey------------------"Some I consider my girlfriends, and some I just consider" - John Bender Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarioNY Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 Don't wear a shirt that you can use as a mirror?Don't shop at places like Bang Bang?Always wear dark colored shirts?I'm about to puke...Who the fuck are you? Elton John or Martha Stewart?------------------ MarioNY.com AOL:ZOMBLA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenman Posted March 1 Report Share Posted March 1 Bravo Bravo Bravo standing ovation for "lbrooke8" ------------------ Hey Mr. DJ put a record on, i wanna dance with my baby! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarioNY Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 [This message has been edited by MarioNY (edited 03-01-2001).] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dale77 Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 Okay, this was pretty funny and very accurate.I agree with the no white socks thing, that drives me crazy! But NO GLOW STICKS? Are you mad? I love to bug out to some dude's routine, especially if he's good at it. Plus, I think girls look hot when they dance with the glow sticks, especially if she's good at it.But in all honesty, you shouldn't care what anybody else had to say about what you're wearing or what you're doing, as long as you're having the time of your life.That's all that matters baby!And remember....------------------You're only young once Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clubhead32 Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 Originally posted by dale77:Okay, this was pretty funny and very accurate.I agree with the no white socks thing, that drives me crazy! But NO GLOW STICKS? Are you mad? I love to bug out to some dude's routine, especially if he's good at it. Plus, I think girls look hot when they dance with the glow sticks, especially if she's good at it.But in all honesty, you shouldn't care what anybody else had to say about what you're wearing or what you're doing, as long as you're having the time of your life.That's all that matters baby!And remember....Couldn't have put it any other way...Glowsticks r the shit kid if your good if your wack leave them shits home....nuff said------------------ Why I love TWILO:Best musicBest crowdBest afterhours.....nuff saidSEE YA UNDER THE BALL!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rparadox Posted March 2 Report Share Posted March 2 Personally, I prefer the "Fonze" look, complete with extra-small t-shirt. My favorite line is "You come here often?"Oh, and I like the "Green paisley pants, yellow socks, brown shoes" combo, by the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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