barvybe Posted August 8 Report Share Posted August 8 Need some opinions - I dated this girl for 5 years. We've been really good friends since then (last 5 years), and she lives 200 miles from here.She's married now. Has two kids. Her husband has been her husband for 3 years.So, I'm up in boston last week and she comes to hang out with me and a few buddies (we all know each other from school) for like an hour at this big party. The husband doesn't come. He didn't want to and i don't blame him, but encouraged her to go. But then he gave her shit about it when she got home.Now, i know her family real well, i know they talk about me, the ex still has some old sweats of mine and stuff, but WHAT THE FUCK!!! Shouldn't he be over this by now! They've had two kids together. I'm very not the jealous type and i definitely trust people i'm with (i'd imagine i do the same with someone i'd be married to). I've had g/f's go out for lunch or whatever with their ex's and i don't care at all 'cause i don't date people i can't trust (or i'm a naive dumb mother fucker!)Was she outta line? Or is he just being dumb? Evidently he's a really nice stand-up guy so i think he must just be insecure 'cause he's not a dickhead or anything. Obviously i think he's being dumb, but maybe i'm missing something?thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rparadox Posted August 9 Report Share Posted August 9 If that's his wife, he has every right to be jealous. Call me insecure or whatever, but if I'm in a relationship with someone, the only man she's going out with will be either me or one of her family. What's the point of a relationship if you see other people? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted August 9 Author Report Share Posted August 9 i see your point, but - - he was invited- i haven't seen her in 3 or 4 years. - this wasn't a date. I wouldn't deny that the two of us will always have some chemistry, but this was two buddies catching up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinergygrl Posted August 9 Report Share Posted August 9 I think you should get over it and let the two of them talk things through and deal with it. It isn't any of your business. And for the love of God don't be an instigate things. Just let the two of them deal. Some people are just a little more jealous about things, it's natural. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrdick Posted August 9 Report Share Posted August 9 To each their own Rparadox but I don't think I could love a woman who would be happy if the only man she ever did things with was me.In today's day and age the line between a date and a friendly nightout is motre blurred,, more informal. But I'm not sure that's cause to chain your woman up to you and your family members. I figure the better reaction is to communicate even more and really develop a level of trust to the point where if you found her drunk at aclub with 5 male strippers all you would do is laugh and get a camera. That's my idea of a relationship - I guess everyone has their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted August 9 Author Report Share Posted August 9 i pretty much agree with mrdick in my own life, but i don't expect others to do the same really.I am staying out of it. i didn't even tell her that i thought he was being a jerk. i just told her that i'm obviously difficult for him to deal with and that she definitely should NOT let me become any more of an issue for them.I basically get an email from her every couple of weeks. She asks for recipes and shit like that - tells me about her kids. this is not a date thing at all.I just think he should have been straight up with her and told her it was gonna bother him before she went out....that would have been an honest thing for him to have done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stacychase Posted August 9 Report Share Posted August 9 we all have jealous feelings and anyone who says that they do not is not being honest with themselves. it sounds to me like he thought is was o.k. and after she had gone and came back home it bothered him. i admire him for being able to be honest and let her know his true feelings.also if you are still discussed around him with her family, that may wear on him as well. i understand that is not your fault, however imagine in ten years you are married and your new in laws refer to your beloved wives ex all the time as a really great guy.jealousy and insecurity suck, however they are a natural part of life. as long as they do not take over your life. just my thursday morning $.02... bring on the weekend!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrdick Posted August 10 Report Share Posted August 10 I would never say I don'thave jealous feelings. Denying them is the first step to having them take over. But admitting you have them and simply conceding to them - surrendering your life to them are two differnt things. Youhave to fight them and learn to control and channel them if you want freedom and openess in your relationship. (not sexual openess - just a general openess). Some people do not want that - thatis fine. But me - I want that. I want my wife to haveclose guy freinds. It is a risk but well worth the rewards and whjatever makes her happiewr and more fulfilled as a person is returned to me through y relationship to her. Man do I sound like a sapy hippietoday.But this guy seems to be doing more than communicating his feelings - he seems to be being an ass and making ultimatums.Asthe third party all you can do is basically tell the girl that you respect her as an adult and will play by whatever rules she wants. Its up to her to make peace with her husband or to tell her friend she can't be friends.Now isf the husband confronts the friend directly and makes it more complicated you mayhave to tell the girl that the friendship is on hold until she can find a solution with herhubby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted August 10 Author Report Share Posted August 10 i reread this and i sound like a whiny little baby!! jeesh!well, of course i get jealous too - i just really work hard not to tie down other people's freedom and stuff. Hey, she's a great girl, but i'm not damaged goods - we parted for the best for both of us. I just get pissed when i start to lose friends 'cause of stuff i feel is stupid.Of course, its obviously not stupid to the other guy, so i'll just sit tight. i'm sure that the more time goes by it will get easier for him. I've got a feeling that in 10 years my kids (ack - scary thought) and theirs will be at a BBQ together.sort a feel like if he would just meet me one day he'd realize there's nothing to be 'fraid of. thx again. only sex from now on i swear (i mean for posts) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mugwump Posted August 10 Report Share Posted August 10 If Kathy ever got married in Five years I might end up feeling strange meeting the husband..But as long as she was happy I'd feel commfort..I just wish the best for her.Sounds like this guys really insecure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted August 10 Author Report Share Posted August 10 Originally posted by mugwump If Kathy ever got married in Five years I might end up feeling strange meeting the husband..But as long as she was happy I'd feel commfort..I just wish the best for her.Sounds like this guys really insecure! everything you said is exactly my feeling....sure its weird, but what isn't? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted August 11 Report Share Posted August 11 I would say that there is something else going on, and he just used that as an excuse to be mad. Trust is the key word. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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