Funny Shit......

[k-hole6969]

THE DO'S AND DONT'S ABOUT GUYS AND GIRLS......SOME MIGHT LEARN A THING OR TWO.... > >>>> > > > > > > Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 1. First and foremost, we are not obligated

> >>>> > > > to

> >>>> > > > > do it.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get

> >>>> > > > one, be

> >>>> > > > > grateful.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn

> >>>> > > > video

> >>>> > > > > you saw, it is not

> >>>> > > > > > > standard practice to cum on

> >>>> > > > someone's

> >>>> > > > > face.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have

> >>>> > > > to

> >>>> > > > > swallow.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 5. My ears are NOT handles.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on

> >>>> > > > the

> >>>> > > > > top of my head. Last I

> >>>> > > > > > > heard, deep throat had been done.

> >>>> > > > And

> >>>> > > > > additionally, do you

> >>>> > > > > > really

> >>>> > > > > > > WANT

> >>>> > > > > > > puke on your dick?

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is

> >>>> > > > > NEVER OK to fart.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 8. Having my period does not mean that it's

> >>>> > > > > "hummer week" - get it

> >>>> > > > > > > through your head - I'm bloated

> >>>> > > > and I

> >>>> > > > > feel like shit so no, I

> >>>> > > > > > > don't

> >>>> > > > > > > feel particularly obligated to

> >>>> > > > blow

> >>>> > > > > you just because YOU can't

> >>>> > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > have

> >>>> > > > > > > sex

> >>>> > > > > > > right now.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might

> >>>> > > > have

> >>>> > > > > worked on

> >>>> > > > > > > high school girls - if you're that

> >>>> > > > > desperate, go jerk off and

> >>>> > > > > > > leave

> >>>> > > > > > > me

> >>>> > > > > > > alone with my Midol.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic

> >>>> > > > hair

> >>>> > > > > from my teeth, don't tell

> >>>> > > > > > > me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play

> >>>> > > > video

> >>>> > > > > games immediately

> >>>> > > > > > > afterwards is highly inadvisable

> >>>> > > > if

> >>>> > > > > you would like my behavior

> >>>> > > > > > to

> >>>> > > > > > > be

> >>>> > > > > > > repeated in the future.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably

> >>>> > > > > best not to speculate about

> >>>> > > > > > > the origins of our talent. Just

> >>>> > > > enjoy

> >>>> > > > > the moment and be happy

> >>>> > > > > > > that

> >>>> > > > > > > we're good at it. See also rule #2

> >>>> > > > > about gratitude.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good.

> >>>> > > > And

> >>>> > > > > I don't care about the

> >>>> > > > > > > protein content.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch

> >>>> > > > TV.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 15. When you hear your friends complain

> >>>> > > > about

> >>>> > > > > how they don't get blow

> >>>> > > > > > > jobs often enough, keep your mouth

> >>>> > > > > shut. It is inappropriate

> >>>> > > > > > to

> >>>> > > > > > > either

> >>>> > > > > > > sympathize or brag.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get

> >>>> > > > up

> >>>> > > > > does not mean I have to

> >>>> > > > > > > 'kiss it good morning".

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > A Man's thoughts on Fellatio aka Rebuttal

> >>>> > > > > Etiquette (by a male)

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do

> >>>> > > > it.

> >>>> > > > > If you don't, we will

> >>>> > > > > > > find someone (younger, prettier

> >>>> > > > and

> >>>> > > > > dirtier) who will.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of

> >>>> > > > cream

> >>>> > > > > is a hell of a lot

> >>>> > > > > > > easier than licking a dead fish.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 3. You want to talk about farting? Does the

> >>>> > > > > word "queef" mean anything

> >>>> > > > > > > to you?

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't

> >>>> > > > > worry about it and be

> >>>> > > > > > > thankful I'm not pulling your

> >>>> > > > hair.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 5. When you're on your period, stuffing

> >>>> > > > > something in your mouth is the

> >>>> > > > > > > only way to stop you from bitching

> >>>> > > > and

> >>>> > > > > moaning. Suck it up!

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding

> >>>> > > > for

> >>>> > > > > five straight days, you

> >>>> > > > > > > need all the fluids you can get.

> >>>> > > > trust

> >>>> > > > > me.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me

> >>>> > > > when

> >>>> > > > > I tell you that we get

> >>>> > > > > > > the short end of the stick in

> >>>> > > > flavor

> >>>> > > > > country.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 8. At least there is no danger of a dick

> >>>> > > > > bleeding in your mouth.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 9. Play with the balls.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 10. No matter how good you think you are at

> >>>> > > > it,

> >>>> > > > > we've had better.

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

> >>>> > > > > > >

> >>>> > > > > > > 12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's

> >>>> > > > "wide

> >>>> > > > > awake" in the morning now,

> >>>> > > > > > > but when you get old & fat and

> >>>> > > > looking

> >>>> > > > > for some action,I

> >>>> > > > > > > gah-ron-tee

> >>>> > > > > > > it'll be "sound asleep".

> >>>> > > > > > > 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to

> >>>> > > > > worry about getting any on

> >>>> > > > > > > your face, now will you?

[goodfella73823]

lol thats hysterical o god i say stuff like that.

[laurie619]

I'm bored, and think this is cute:

Statement of Love: The Kiss

1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you

2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends

3. Kiss on the neck... I want you

4. Kiss on the lips... I love you

5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing

6. Kiss anywhere else... uh-oh

7. Look in your eyes... kiss me

9. Hand on your waist... I love you so much

The Three Steps

1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him

2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good

3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissig, it is rude to stare

The 3 Commandments

1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.

2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give 1 or take 1.

3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.

LOL....**Remember**

A peach is a peach,

A plum is a plum,

A kiss isn't a kiss without some toungue

so open up your mouth, close your eyes,

and give your tounge some exercise!!!

[xcracker]

I just copied and sent that one to all the ladies in the office.. HA!

[goodfella73823]

very interesting there laurie.

[laurie619]

And why is that Goodfella?

[goodfella73823]

most of it is probably true.

[Diana]

Originally posted by laurie619

I'm bored, and think this is cute:

Statement of Love: The Kiss

1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you

2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends

3. Kiss on the neck... I want you

4. Kiss on the lips... I love you

5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing

6. Kiss anywhere else... uh-oh

7. Look in your eyes... kiss me

9. Hand on your waist... I love you so much

The Three Steps

1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him

2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good

3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissig, it is rude to stare

The 3 Commandments

1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.

2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give 1 or take 1.

3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.

LOL....**Remember**

A peach is a peach,

A plum is a plum,

A kiss isn't a kiss without some toungue

so open up your mouth, close your eyes,

and give your tounge some exercise!!!

...I thought it was cute!

[fearlessnyc00]

Some funny ass stuff.........................

[laurie619]

Oh and for all you GUYS out there:

Loving is not about hugging someone, its not about kissing their lips or holding their hands. Instead, its about placing them in your heart and keeping them in your thoughts... SORRY going through a BREAK up so I HATE GUYS right about now! "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else"

~LAURIE

[mikeyss]

Originally posted by laurie619

Oh and for all you GUYS out there:

Loving is not about hugging someone, its not about kissing their lips or holding their hands. Instead, its about placing them in your heart and keeping them in your thoughts... SORRY going through a BREAK up so I HATE GUYS right about now! "The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else"

~LAURIE

No need to apologize....most of us have been thru that stage, good break-up or bad. Better to vent a little [and this seems like a more positive way of doing it] than keeping it bottled UP and going *postal*

[laurie619]

THANKS Mikeyss! I went out with the mother Fucker for 3 and 1/2 years, and then I came back from Italy a day early (to surprise him for his b-day) and found him in bed with my now ex-best friend! Still not over it....Now you see why I go out "clubing" all the time!

LAURIE

[mikeyss]

Um....*ouch* ! That was pretty raw -- but now you're in gOOd company it seems with a lot of this gang :^P

[laurie619]

No this "gang" brings out the "BAD" Laurie!

ME

[goodfella73823]

i dont want to see the bad laurie that scares me:eek:

[SPYGIRL3]

Most of etiquette went out the window. What's the saying, all is fair in love, war, and sex....