djmikedr Posted August 27 Report Share Posted August 27 1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down. 2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle. 3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants. 4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences. 5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness. 6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it. 7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle,he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises with out thieving anything or asking for a phonenumber. His work is done. 8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away. 9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything. 10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying "Are you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually and gifted human beings. 11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing. 12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation. 13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy. 14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging. 15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games. 16.INGRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if: a)sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or: b)you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated. 17.SEEKING FAVOURS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask "Do you think I should buy that dress/skirt/sofa/Mercedes/country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain - prostitution." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sumguy Posted August 27 Report Share Posted August 27 that's some funny shit!! I especially like # 6. Hysterical!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gabo Posted August 27 Report Share Posted August 27 lmao, but I dont agree with 14 I like the no hair look Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted August 27 Report Share Posted August 27 LMAO!!! this is too funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted August 27 Report Share Posted August 27 Originally posted by apotheosis 4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences. 12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation. 16.INGRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if: a)sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or: b)you managed to achieve an orgasm. A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.How can you not laugh at number 4???? :laugh:If she plays dead, she probably is...........As far as 16, if you can't last for more than 5 minutes, that could be a problem, worth working on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guest00901 Posted August 28 Report Share Posted August 28 Originally posted by apotheosis 4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences. hahahaha im sorry if anyguy had the balls to say that i would laugh in his face and leave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachel1997 Posted August 28 Report Share Posted August 28 12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation. Yes girls!!! Listen to this one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted August 28 Report Share Posted August 28 Thank you!!! thats the worst... You get a hot girl in bed and the shes as cold as ice... Doesnt talk, doesnt moan, doesnt move, mightas well have a rubber woman and save the money from the date... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted August 28 Report Share Posted August 28 Originally posted by dgmodel Thank you!!! thats the worst... You get a hot girl in bed and the shes as cold as ice... Doesnt talk, doesnt moan, doesnt move, mightas well have a rubber woman and save the money from the date... Are you speaking from experience here???? :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted August 28 Report Share Posted August 28 Yeah, Kind of... everything except forth rubber woman and the saving money part... Well maybe not the rubber woman...j/k Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted August 28 Report Share Posted August 28 Originally posted by dgmodel Yeah, Kind of... everything except forth rubber woman and the saving money part... Well maybe not the rubber woman...j/k So what's your rubber woman's name??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djmikedr Posted August 28 Author Report Share Posted August 28 Originally posted by SPYGIRL2 So what's your rubber woman's name??? SQUEAKY! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted August 29 Report Share Posted August 29 Originally posted by apotheosis SQUEAKY! :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bellaragazza Posted August 29 Report Share Posted August 29 LMAO! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted August 29 Report Share Posted August 29 Her name is Jacklyn Mehoff...I borrowed her from apples, uh hmmm i mean met her with him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted August 30 Report Share Posted August 30 Originally posted by dgmodel Her name is Jacklyn Mehoff...I borrowed her from apples, uh hmmm i mean met her with him... LMAO....... :tongue: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomicapples Posted August 30 Report Share Posted August 30 mehoff is my main girl... i also got courtney cumalot... she is jackies twin sister... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigpoppanils Posted August 30 Report Share Posted August 30 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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