Jump to content
Clubplanet Nightlife Community

I just saw Jay and Silent Bob strike back


nitro449

Recommended Posts

Guest saleen351
Originally posted by nitro449

and it was alot funnier than american pie 2......

I can't wait to smoke a bomb and sneak some beer in and watch that movie...I love all his movies....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest saleen351
Originally posted by linabina

i just saw it too and i thought it was pretty funny... but i guess u hadda know all the jokes from all the other movies in order to find it really funny... and i didnt see any others except clerks... but it was pretty funny

Not seeing mallrats stoned should be a crime..Go rent that movie...Its the funniest by far..... Clerks was great too..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest saleen351
Originally posted by linabina

hmmmm i think ill do that. wut r the other movies that there were references to in jay and silent bob that i should see??

1. clerks

2. Mallrats

3. Chasing Amy

4. Dogma

5. Jay and Silent bob new movie

order in which I liked em

mallrats

clerks

dogma < you have to get the idea of this movie it is a spoof on the catholic religion..Very funny if you get it...

chasing Amy

new movie I havent seen yet...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jay and Silent Bob ruined my night; as a matter of fact, they ruined my night so badly that they might have ruined my week. And if I ever see that self-indulgent prick Kevin Smith in person, he’ll be lucky if I’m kind enough to remove my stainless steel spiked KISS boots from his stupid ass after a satisfying session of what the Ancient Romans liked to call peda-sodomia.

So, in retaliation, I’m taking a clue from my old pal the filthy critic and reviewing Mr. Smith’s latest piece of shit, the almost completely unfunny "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." Jay and Silent Bob are two semi-retarded caricatured stoners from Red Bank, New Jersey who you might remember from the amusing indy film Clerks, as well as the progressively stupid to stupider to stupiderest Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and the most pretentious assault on intelligence ever put to film, Dogma, in which Mr. Smith was brilliant enough to point out that the bible contradicts itself. Really? A long-ass collection of parables written over hundreds of years by hundreds of people and then translated into hundreds of languages and interpretive schools of thought and ritual isn’t air tight? What, a book whose ambiguous tales are there to make people think about life and faith and how the word of the creator relates to them, a book that inspired everything from alter-boy blowing priests to snake wiggling baptists to airport pencil selling jehovahs witnesses to jews to the weird jews with the curls to mother theresa to christian rock phenom stryper can be interpreted in different ways if you’re as smart as Kevin Smith? Really? Well, jumping Jesus on a pogo-stick, Kevin, you are a smart fat bastard, yes you are.

So, back to Strike Back; someone obviously more retarded than Jay and Bob decided to make a comic based on them where they play superheroes named Bluntman and Chronic, because they’re such badass potheads. Then, after the success of the x-men movie, the slimy hollywood fucks started buying everything attached to comic books, and the dumbest one of all, I assume, bought bluntman and chronic. This was all explained to them by Ben Affleck’s homophobic chasing amy character Holden something (wow, Kev, referencing "A Catcher in the Rye!" That means the character must be important!), reading from a cue card with all the charisma of a fall-down drunk refilling his own glass at dollar drafts night while the bartender’s back is turned, which made no sense at the time because Affleck didn’t play himself until later. So now the dynamic dildos are heading across country to Hollywood to stop the movie from getting made because people are trashing them on the internet. Like me. More on that later. Along the way viewers are treated to an endless chain of homophopic fellatio jokes, including: "Silent Bob loves cock," and "You love cock, don’t you Silent Bob," and "If you let us go, my friend Silent Bob will suck your cock," to name a few. Now, I’m not against a good joke at the expense of anyone, but it better be funny, not just stupid and an obviously transparent outing of the joke’s writer, as in, "If I write all these jokes about how my character loves to suck cock, nobody will think that I really would like grease Matt Damon down and blow him like a rusty trombone." Still, there’s good with the bad. I’ll give you the worst first; as the movie is really a collection of comic book/campy 80’s shit/movie nerd inside references, Mr. Smith decided to send up Charlie’s Angels. He casts his wife (who looks like she should be in a trailer somewhere bringing her husband another Schlitts before heading to the diner to work a double shift while he scratches himself and collects workmen’s comp) along with two very attractive women and the now very anorexic and Olive Oyl-ish Shannon Elizabeth. OK, Kev, you’re fat and your wife has an attractive figure, and she loves you for your mind. Sorry to say, that means she’s got a pea brain, a nice body, and a face to protect it.

Now the best, and the only thing that kept me from punching the guy in front of me who was mad when I kicked his seat every time he laughed at something that wasn’t funny; Will Ferrell. This guy is the funniest man on the planet, and I think that’d be the case even if Chris Farley were still alive. He’s like Bill Murray in that he doesn’t do jokes, he just plays a character so well that it makes me laugh until I choke. And there’s no way Kevin Smith wrote any of his lines, because they’re too good. I wish I could give him a big sweaty hug because he is the man, and he made what was otherwise a nauseating, pretentious pile of self-indulgent crap pretty fucking funny at times. I won’t ruin the ending for you, but Jay and Bob make it to Hollywood and get paid for their troubles, and blow their money flying across the country beating up the 12 year olds that talked trash about them on the internet. Whoops. Well, as long as one of them sees this, it’s worth it. 191 Greenwood Ave. Bethel, CT 06801. I’ll put some tea on, fuckos.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

i saw chasing amy when i was really bored freshman year in college and i can;t say i was that amused...it's the perfect definition for what mindless entertainment really is...now i won't ever wonder what bullshit would have been in this lame ass movie about these morons...good riddens...now back to my joint and argeelah...life continues...ha ha

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by sassa

wow, i really want to meet you one day dude, that post kicked ass.

i'd love to take credit for that post, but i can't. one of my best friends emailed it to me, then i saw this thread and had to paste it in. after my friend Brian sent this to me I went and saw it that night, it probably wouldn't have been very funny except that all i could think of is Brian, sitting through the movie absolutely irate as each seen unfolded, having the whole thing narrated to him by this kid (lotta of problems) he's been trying to help out. glad you thought it was funny, you should see some of the other shit (this one was pretty mello) that he writes, its fucking unbelieveable.

where abouts in SoCal do you live. i used to live in Manhattan Beach, i still have a ton of friends living in the South Bay.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...