Sensuality

[mrdick]

I would never say this in person as there is no way to say it without seeming arrogant. But on the boards you can be honest because its not as if people can really think you are trying to make yourself look good - what would be the point?

Having recently had and off-beat but great sexual encounter I came to a revelation. I had had no good sex ever before and I am 29. And only 2 partners. Yet I was fascinated with sex and more importanly, with women. I loved all the aspects of women though in recent years I had developped a balancing sense of their faults as well - this is important.

I was really worried that night as I hooked up with two 30 something veterans that my skills would be obviously inadequate. As an avid porn watcher I knew so much theory - I pretty much know everything that has been written about sex because I'm interested and mainly because I have an extremely good memory so when I read something in the paper or in Cosmo or see it on TV it sticks in my head.

But when I was with this couple it quickly became obvious that I was by no means incompetent. In fact, I was turning this girl on way more than her partner (partially because of the newness factor but also for other reasons). He knew what he was doing but was straight-forward , competent, and mechanical. I, on the other hand, was completely lost in the joy of touching a woman for the first time who wanted to be touched and was aggressive in touching back. There was no need to think abouthow much foreplay or how much this or that. I simply took my time everywhere. Everywhere was a delight to explore and to touch and to tease. We were both a flurry of motion using hands and tongues, feet and thighs. It wasn't only obvious erogenous zones that were touched but rather everywhere in a search for new zones that felt good. It flowed like a long dream. Knowing all my theory was great and allowed me to instantly get to ac ertain level and to give her some mind blowing orgasms that surprised both of us. But I felt that even if I didn''t know I would have learned soon enough simply by exploring and paying attention to her breathing, her responses, her eye movements. There was this electric vibe between her and me that wasn't about love, which she had with her Boyfriend, but about a connection on a different plane that they clearly did not. I can only imagine what it might be like to have a connection on both.

In that moment all the cliche complaints on sit-coms, in books and by female friends about men made sense. I thought of my friends and of the woman's lover there and saw the stiffness both imaginatively and sensualy he displayed. Partly from training and partly biology women are just generally more sensual than men.

SO I guess my realization is that to be a great lover forget about the technoques and positions at first and try to open yourself up. Through reading and the arts and generally being more honest and open in life your senualitty can begin to develop. Some people have it and some don't - but I think many have the potential who are not realizing it and this is what leaves many women with the feeling that they want more. I mean sometimes we all want rough animal sex and many men have good technique and physique and can provide that. But what about the thousands of other variations and combinations? What about not only knowing a woman's body techniocally but really being able to almost imagine being her so that you can assault her with so many differnt tpes of touches and carresses at different times and at the right times- so that you know just what dirty word to say at the right time to make her scream.

A man should know all the theory to be at the top of his game. But that is pretty easy and straightforward. But I realize now that the key to getting better at sex isn't only in the bedroom. Its in becoming a freer, more imaginative and devloped person. Having women as friends and really getting to know them - embracing all the contradictions of feminity from the whore to the mother to the bitch to the friend. I was often guilty of doing this in a false way - of putting them on a pedestal and that interfered with really knowing them. You can't really say you love women until you love the good and the bad.

See I guess the real key is that when it is obvious how un-judgemental, non-jealous and caring you are then that energy frees the woman up. With that energy every touch of yours tells her how sexyand beautiful you think she is and how gorgeous she is doing this nasty thing and suggests that doing even nastier things would make her even more beautiful and respected in your eyes. And when that happens watch out as I saw the other night - women can get really wild. Its all about this mental connection that I think great male lovers can make with women that they havemet for even a few minutes. Girls I know have talked about it - about a look, or a an expression or a few words and the body language and energy that just tell a girl that the guy nderstands women, is a friend of women, and knows how to make the bedroom a fun adventure that is different everytime. I guess that is my goal more than figuring out the 107th variationof the wheelbarrow position )

Please don't take this rant as being too arrogant as I myself feel that I have a ways to go. I just wanted to share what I am thinking.

[sd]

i couldn't agree more with what you have written.

its fascinating to see how your thought process has developed, through this one experience you came to a realization that i would agree, many people don't. i have slowly over the course of the last 2-3 years begun to formulate a similar type of belief. mine however has developed very differently, as i learned from each relationship, whether 2 years or a one night stand, they each had relevant lessons, that not only make me a better lover, but allow me to better understand women.

i've never seen these ideas so concisely laid out, in fact i don't think i've ever even been able to think the thoughts you wrote as clearly or in such an organized fashion. it would seem all the reading you have done in addition to this one specific experience spawned a new thought process for you, a paradigm shift if you will.

i used to think that once you got a little older, especially for guys the sex went downhill, i've come around 180 degrees and now believe the opposite. as you find someone more compatible, whos more willing to experiment with you, thats patient and unrushed with whom you have repeated sexual encounters, that you are emotionally attached to, that you share all aspects of life with, that you will begin to have the best sex of your life.

[mrdick]

Thanks a lot SD. I wouldn't call it a paradigm shift as I had always held views along these line. Call it more of a crystalization. All my lovers had been very non-sensual women so while I could see the effect I could have on a woman by being sensual I never was exposed to the powerful reality that is created when sensual meets sensual and that loop of energy that just takes both of you away. So my views went from being loose and undefined to very defined with a practical example to draw on.

At the end of that night all I could do is smile and think to myself how much I love rauncgy, nasty, filthy, women

[Guest jaxl]

WOW......You have me speechless.

In no way did I take it as arrogance, but more of a realization that all the technical know-how in the world doesn't mean squat if you can't convey that special feeling to your partner.

[mrdick]

Thanks Jazl

Though I would point out that "the special feeling" isn't love. Thatis another feeling. BUt you can make any woman you sleep with understand tht you respect them and really enjoy their company and are really happy to be enjoying a special moment with them. Now, I can only imagine how it feels when you combine that feeling WITH the bond of true love. THrow in a mind-blowing orgasm on both sides and I guesss it becomes a night to remember.

[Guest jaxl]

Originally posted by mrdick

Thanks Jazl

Though I would point out that "the special feeling" isn't love. Thatis another feeling. BUt you can make any woman you sleep with understand tht you respect them and really enjoy their company and are really happy to be enjoying a special moment with them. Now, I can only imagine how it feels when you combine that feeling WITH the bond of true love. THrow in a mind-blowing orgasm on both sides and I guesss it becomes a night to remember.

Definitely agree that the "special" feeling does not have to be love, but more of a "at this very moment, I LOVE what you are doing to me and how you are making me feel."

Being in love and making love with someone that makes you feel like that is a big rush in itself.

[mrdick]

Well for now I guess 2 out of three ain't bad