The Conflict Has Arisen And I Need Help

[guinevere]

OK, so I met the most wonderful guy five months ago and we've been chilling since. I'm like in love with this guy, I swear, but we talked this weekend and I can't decide what to do.

He used to deal drugs heavily and has quit. He still does them, as do I, but is sick of the whole clubbing scene. I LOVE IT. It's why I'm in New York, it's why I'm happy, it's all I want to do. I love it. I met him at Vinyl (ha ha) and was so happy because I thought I'd have someone to go out with and party with all the time, which is what I wanted. We do go out, a lot.

He said that he can't open up to someone who is as into drugs as I am because it scares him. Now, I'm no fiend. I do like my shit, and all kinds of it, but I'm no fiend. I do it twice a month at most, and even that's on a good month. He said that the more he opened up to me and ther closer we got, the more he';d want to see me and the more serious we'd be (duh), but he can't do that with the drugs in there. In reality, he probably does more drugs than me.

If I want to be deep with this guy, which I do, I have to give up my fun evenings out, according to him. He's beautiful, he's amazing, he's wonderful, but is he worth it? He's sick of clubbing and wants to find something else to do with his time. I haven't even begun my nightlife yet!

So I need help. Do I give up what I love for someone I might love? I'm sad. I want both together at once.

[daemoncel]

hmm... it's really a question of what you're willing to give up, i mean are you as willing to give up you're things

ask him if he would do the same for you. would he give up drugs too. would he be able to hunker down on things if you gave up you're nightlife?

is he someone you could see you're self with. do you think you would resent him if you do sacrifice all these things...

with all his requests, has he once said that he is willing to give up things for you too?

it's really an issue of how much you're willing to sacrifice.

he could always get more demanding...

these types of relationships could get ugly because it becomes hard to leave them... if you stick around long enough

think hard.. and let me know what you think!

[cool2223423123]

what kind of drugs do you do? Why don't you just go out and party with your girlfriends two times a month. Drugs are unhealthy though hehe.

[daemoncel]

personally, i think you shouldn't do this relationship... it's not a healthy one if it starts off with demands, and his wants.. and his needs.. he's not lookin at you're wants or you're needs.. .

that's not a healthy start at all.. not worth it honey..

party you're head off.. smoke you're spliffs... and find someone who's interested in you.. and wants you through and through

[siceone]

Umm be straight up with him how bout you show him your post I think that was wonderfully put my self

[guinevere]

Thanks, guys. Daemoncel, I think I like what you said. He should appreciate the things I love BECAUSE I love them, even if he doesn't. I wouldn't begrudge him his waterskiing simply because it's not something I want to do- I would just let him do it and hope he's happy.

Im sitting here listening to my Oakenfold and am so happy, just with my music. I can't give it up; it's probably my true love. ANd I'd be unhappy with just movies every Saturday night. So either he accepts what I do or he leaves.

I don't do that much, just to clarify. Rolls and K, a little coke. That's all. And not that often. I just talk too much.

Anyways, you're all right in your answers. Thanks. And maybe I will showe him the post, just edit it a little first. That "love" part would prolly scare him off faster than a herion addiction!!

[tastyt]

Originally posted by daemoncel

personally, i think you shouldn't do this relationship... it's not a healthy one if it starts off with demands, and his wants.. and his needs.. he's not lookin at you're wants or you're needs.. .

that's not a healthy start at all.. not worth it honey..

party you're head off.. smoke you're spliffs... and find someone who's interested in you.. and wants you through and through

I don't agree that you should just give up on this guy, but daemoncel has a good point...

You're obviously not at a point in your life where you're ready to give up partying, and especially considering that is HOW you met this guy it's unreasonable of him to expect you to just stop.

Why does he really not want you to go out? Is he the jealous type, does he think you'll meet someone else? If he doesn't want to party anymore, he should have no problem w/you just going out w/your friends and doing it. Instead of asking you to stop. And if he's doing more drugs than you are... he's just using that as an excuse.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[daemoncel]

no doubt.. feed us the 411 and hope it works out best for you.

good luck

please keep us posted!

[sirdante]

you are on different trips, but the destination might be the same. just let it ride, hope for the best, and be honest all the way.

a long term relationship most likely will *not* work out for the two of you, but there is still a strong possibility that it *might* work out. take it easy. dont do anything drastic like changing your (or his) lifestyle.

either way, theres no hope for a relationship if either one of you starts making major sacrificies for the other, as that will certainly lead to resentment. have fun, be cool, always be honest and respectful. make small adjustments. perhaps, after a few months, you guys can get into a workable groove with each other. if not, at least you had a great time along the way and nobody gets really hurt.

[sum12nv]

sweetie.....do what makes you happy

you're not here to please everyone in the world, do your thing and if he can't except the REAL YOU, then im sure you wouldnt want to end up with a guy like that anyway.

and all the previous posts of advise......i agree with them all

good luck to you girl