djmikedr Posted December 18 Report Share Posted December 18 CHRISTMAS OFFICE PARTY!! Here is a good example of how to get an extra holiday off with pay. Thisone gets progressively funny. Check it out.Xmas party!December 1stTO: ALL EMPLOYEESI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place onDecember 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit barbecue. There will be lots of spikedeggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to singalong. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus tolight the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done atthat time; however, no gift should be over $10.Merry Christmas to you and your family.Patty Lewis Human Resources Director------------------------------------------------------------------------December 2ndTO: ALL EMPLOYEESIn no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. Werecognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides withChristmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we'recalling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees whoare celebrating Kwanza at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and noChristmas carols sung.Happy Holidays to you and your family.Patty Lewis Human Resources Director----------------------------------------------------------------------December 3rdTO: ALL EMPLOYEESRegarding the anonymous note I received from a member of AlcoholicsAnonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate thisrequest, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AAOnly," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the giftsexchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 istoo much money.Patty LewisHuman Researchers Director----------------------------------------------------------------------December 7thTO: ALL EMPLOYEESI've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from thedessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowedto sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; eachwill have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gaymen's table. Happy now?Patty LewisHuman Racehorses Director----------------------------------------------------------------------December 9thTO: ALL EMPLOYEESPeople, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to playSanta Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," thereis no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."Patty LewisHuman Ratraces----------------------------------------------------------------------December 10thTO: ALL EMPLOYEESVegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this partyat Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at thetable farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll getsalad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes havefeelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'mhearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drivedrunk and die, you hear me?The Bitch from Hell----------------------------------------------------------------------December 14thTO: ALL EMPLOYEESI'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery fromher stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her atthe sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel ourHoliday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.Terri BishopActing Human Resources Director Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlea Posted December 18 Report Share Posted December 18 Good one! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faith11878 Posted December 18 Report Share Posted December 18 That was good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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