fierydesire Posted December 18 Report Share Posted December 18 Have you ever dated someone for a long time, say 2 yrs, only to realize what you thought was love, wasnt? I mean you thought you were in love with them but in the end, you only loved who the person was rather than being in love with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wannabeclubchk Posted December 18 Report Share Posted December 18 I was married for 3 years, we were together for 5, and that turned out not to be love after all. Perhaps in the beginning it was. I think we each fell in love with who we thought the other person was, and he expected neither of us to change, while I expected growth by leaps and bounds.Loving someone is so complex, imo, you must love who the person is, as well as feel physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual compatibility, attraction, and safety. I also think you must expect each other to change and grow, and actively strive to change and grow in a direction the two of you choose to go together.Loving is an active verb, not passive. Love is not just a feeling, or something that happens to you. It is a collection of choices and behaviors that you offer to someone else, and it retains its value, even if rejected. Although being loved feels good, I think it is the giving of love that produces that elation everyone associates with "being in love". Lastly, I don't believe that love is a finite thing. The old cliche "you have to love yourself..." is true, but for different reasons than we have always been taught. When you can have plenty of love within you, you will have plenty to share, regardless if anyone "loves you back". That is the old undconditional love, and it feels great to be able to give that.Just some end of the day thoughts for you.Take care Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atomicapples Posted December 18 Report Share Posted December 18 Originally posted by wannabeclubchk I was married for 3 years, we were together for 5, and that turned out not to be love after all. Perhaps in the beginning it was. I think we each fell in love with who we thought the other person was, and he expected neither of us to change, while I expected growth by leaps and bounds.Loving someone is so complex, imo, you must love who the person is, as well as feel physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual compatibility, attraction, and safety. I also think you must expect each other to change and grow, and actively strive to change and grow in a direction the two of you choose to go together.Loving is an active verb, not passive. Love is not just a feeling, or something that happens to you. It is a collection of choices and behaviors that you offer to someone else, and it retains its value, even if rejected. Although being loved feels good, I think it is the giving of love that produces that elation everyone associates with "being in love". Lastly, I don't believe that love is a finite thing. The old cliche "you have to love yourself..." is true, but for different reasons than we have always been taught. When you can have plenty of love within you, you will have plenty to share, regardless if anyone "loves you back". That is the old undconditional love, and it feels great to be able to give that.Just some end of the day thoughts for you.Take care moving... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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