meng Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 2001 Darwin Awards. The Darwin Awards this year areclassic!Ladies And Gentlemen... (drum roll... and envelope please) ......Weproudly present the 2001 "Natural Selection" awards:...These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) thatindividual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the mostto (Now Let's Hear a Cheer for Pure Genius at Work!!!!!!) to rid theirgenes from the world's gene pool.5th RUNNER-UP:Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift towerat the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foampad.22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital.The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Departmentsaid. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run calledStump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, saidLt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads areused to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently usedthe pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. Ithas since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the onewith its pad removed.4th RUNNER-UP:Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly in a St.Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelograbbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out withoutpaying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedicsremoved the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him todeath.3rd RUNNER-UP:Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing abovehim on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.2nd RUNNER-UP:"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probablyrelated to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the 22bullet to replace the fuse in his pick-up truck) popped a blasting capinto his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off hislips,teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blastingcap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and wastrying toexplode it", said Payne. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll showyouhow to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew allhis teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer waslisted in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I justcan't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.1st RUNNER-UP:Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot throughthe skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be releasedsoon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye lastweekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain MenAnonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) inGrant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head,but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had thearrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would havebeen cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon DoctorJohnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrowwent through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rearof his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels.Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on hisown he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards heand his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feelso dumb about this". No charges have been filed, but the JosephineCounty district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is underinvestigation.Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late)John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great stateof Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the GeorgeWashington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beersbetween them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine footfence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pick-up truck over tothe fence and the plan was for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, who was100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assisthis friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over,he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted(and broken, along with his arm, as itwere) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling fromthe tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes belowhim.(Possibly) figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed hispocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself fromthe tree. Finally free, (did I mention that he is THE LATE) Mr. Pernickycrashed into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE bodyand now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetratedhis rectum. To make matters worse (?!), on landing, his pocketknifepenetrated his thigh 3 inches. (The late) Mr. Hawkins, on seeing hisfriend in considerable pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope andpull him to safety (now he thinks of the "S" word) by tying the rope tothe pick-up truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunkenhaste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fencelanding on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find thecrashed pick-up with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and deadat the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, theyfound John under it, half-naked, scratches on hisbody, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shortsdangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air.Congratulations gentlemen, you win... removal of undesirable elementsfrom the human gene pool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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