meng Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 Subject: The Code > > > For guys, this is all common knowledge... or at the very least, common > sense. > > For the rest of you, this will hopefully provide a better understanding, > and > thus acceptance of the things we do. Please understand that this is not an > excuse, for we are proud of who, or what we are. This is merely an > explanation. > > -------------------------------------------------------- > > This is it fellas. As it has been written, so it shall be.... The CODE. > Live by it. > > 1) Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat". > > 2) Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella. > > 3) Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed > and > eaten by his fellow partygoers. > > 4) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, > priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should > not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You > are permitted to deny his very existence. > > 5) Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a > friend out of jail within 12 hours. > > 6) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without > recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call > bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable > exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent) > > 7) If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits > forever. > > 8) The approximate amount of time you have to wait for another guy who is > running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes > for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale. > > 9) Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is > forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable. > > 10) No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In > fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional. > > 11) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying > to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your > good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to > speak of it, even at your bachelor party. > > 12) Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission; and > he, in return is required to grant it. > > 13) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies, > until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a > buffalo wing clean. > > 14) If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'. > > 15) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. > > 16) A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. > > 17) Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30 > minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal > pal's dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all the law requires. > > 18) When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always > ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. > > 19) When your girlfriend / wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend > up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to > warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining > priesthood. > > 20) Gas Warfare Act: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after > you've > brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers for the > purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. > > 21) It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're > sunning on a tropical beach... and a topless supermodel delivers it...and > it's free. > > 22) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. > > 23) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain > sober enough to fight. > > 24) If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must > jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions > have > caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you > may sit back and enjoy. > > 25) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. > > 26) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: > "Yeah, baby, push it!" > "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" > "Another set and we can hit the showers." > "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?" > > 27) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, > but not both. That's just plain mean. > > 28) If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his > beer. > > 29) Never join your girlfriend / wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's > withholding sex pending your response. > > 30) Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: > either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a > nod is all the conversation you need. > > 31) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not > join him. > > 32) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt > one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, > and > deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your responsibility. > > 33) The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" had > carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty > is > no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big > mistake it was. > > 34) In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naomi1 Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 :laugh: :laugh: funny-ass sh*t Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyhost Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 at last....it's all starting to make sense to me! lololololololololololol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernextnation Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 26) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: > "Yeah, baby, push it!" > "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" > "Another set and we can hit the showers." > "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?" :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildmiami Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 I see a joke thread going...I was laughing my ass off...we all need a good laugh...here's my contribution.Please download...itz hilarious. I always thought about this when I saw virgin airlines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naomi1 Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnyhost Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 hahahaha...that was pretty funny! which one would u ride? lolol. ok ok...i'll make a contribution 2.....all i have to say though...is becareful opening this if you like fruits and vegetables....you may never be able to eat them the same way anymore..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naomi1 Posted January 29 Report Share Posted January 29 :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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