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aboyfrombklyn

Please, I Need Your Opinion

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If your boyfriend/girlfriend did things you didn't like and hung out with people you didn't care for, and then turned around and said he/she wasn't gonna do those things anymore, and the people who you didn't care for in the beginning praised you for helping him/her change, but then you realized it was all bullshit and they were doing things behind your back, would you want him/her to continue hanging out with those people?

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My girlfriend is an alcoholic and a drug addict. Up until recently, she was doing tons of drugs and drinking a lot on a daily basis. She also used to hang out with people that I really don't care for because of the fact that they were a big influence. I'm not the type to try to contro another person forcefully, but I did tell her that I would really like her to get her life together since she is the one I want to marry one day. After numerous therapy sessions and lots of support, she finally stopped doing those things. Well, at least some of them. I knew that she wasn't gonna drop her drug and alcohol problem overnight, but she did stop hanging out with those people I never cared for, at least some of them.

Well, one day, one of her closest "friends" turns to me and says that it's great how I'm helping her get her life together. She explained to me that she wanted to get her life together as well. "It's time I stop killing myself" were her exact words. This was one of her friends that I actually got along with and felt pretty comfortable with. Little did I know that they were both bullshitting me, at least until a few weeks ago. I thought about leaving my girlfriend, but I don't think I could deal with living without her (I'm codependent) I've never been the type of person to set any ultimatums or tell someone how it is, but I finally put my foot down and told my girlfriend that she's not gonna hang out with those people if she wants to continue to be with me. My question is, do you agree with me????

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Ok I take them bullshitting you was that they really weren't not wanting to get over the whole drug problem and your g/f never stopped hanging out with them.... I think as long as she keeps hanging out with those people than she's never going to get over the drugs b/c people are always who they hang out with... I think it's fair you said that , I mean you love her that's why you said it b/c you don't want to be there watching her ruin her life over drugs...so it's fair I think

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well i can totally sympathize with you bc my father is an alcoholic and he almost ripped my family apart.

i am not going to say whether you should or should not leave her but if you do decide to stay with her, you should also seek advice/counseling too. as crazy as it seems i am sure its taking ahuge emotional toll and tremendous stress. i actually suffered alot bc i couldn't understand my dad and whta he was doing and why myself and my family couldnt do anything to help him stop. i felt helpless and blamed myself even. these feelings are not uncommon from spouses and partners of addicts.

i can tell youthat i didnt speak to my father for about a year. and i thought college would solve my problems bc being out of the house and away for him, but it still affected me. my mom has remained with my father (although he still drinks) for various reasons -- co-dependcy one them, shes middle aged and afraid ofo being alone. She has kept my family together and i admire her for everything that she done. i dont know that i could have done the same though if i was in her shoes....

good luck sweetie :)

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Not only is she lying to you, but to herself as well. Trust and love are the two most important things in a relationship(IMO). You should never have to lie about what you are doing or who you are hanging out with, if you are, the obvisiously there is something astray here.

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