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chula22

Rodney Dangerfields Best lines

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~ I was so poor growing up .. if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had

nothing to play with.

~ A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.

~ During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel

~ One day I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."

~ It's been a rough day. I got up this morning put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

~ I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

~ I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

~ I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

~ I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

~ When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

~ I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.

~ I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

~ Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

~ My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

~ I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

~ I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

~ I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping

pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

~ With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

~ Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.

~ One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

~ My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

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Originally posted by chula22

~

~ I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

~ I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

~ I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

:laugh:MAOOO

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