Jump to content
Clubplanet Nightlife Community
Sign in to follow this  
sparklez929

Calling All Children From Divorced Parent's...(long)

Recommended Posts

My parent's have divorced when I was at a ripe age... I was 13 when they split... During the year's, myself, and sibling's witnessed too many night's of psychotic fight's, and screaming matches...

I have two older brother's and a younger sister. When the parent's spilt, the boy's stayed with my father, and us girls moved out with my mom. For a year, we lived in a quaint apartment here in Jersey, then moved to Florida for 6 1/2 yrs... I recently moved back to spend some time with my dad...

But I stop to think sometime's... And hear me out...

While I lived in Florida, I put myself in a very demanding, and abusive relationship... And I say put, because I could have left, but I wasn't strong enough to go... I know now, that I don't have to deal with any man's bullshit, and I no longer ever will... But I think that sometime's, that just maybe I only did it because that's all I saw growing up... I spent four and a half years of my life going through torture... not knowing when to say when... Needless to say one day I got pushed too far, and the bow broke... Along with other things.. but it makes me think...

A thread was created today about statistic's of the divorce rate among people of our age, and the generation above us... Couples, and familys are endlessly breaking up... Causing way too many single parent's to fend for themselve's and their children... but are we really seeing this in our future's..? I mean, I don't want to EVER have kid's if I know they might have to go through half the shit I ever had to deal with... I mean, we all have problem's... God knows that... But do we really mimic what our parent's unpurposely have put us through...?

Do any of you see any relationship pattern's that you may follow, that you think may have been created by what your parent's break-up may have caused...? I know I see it... It explain's alot to me about how I live my life, and the decision's I make... I only think, that someday I fully get out of this groove... And beat it before I ever bring a child into this world...

I'm just curious to see, if there are other's who also see this pattern created... Think real hard... Even those of you whose parents are still in love... Do you find yourself expecting more of your mate's...? For those of you, who have widowed parent's... Do you find yourselfs more independant, not feeling the need to even have a mate to share your lives with...???

---Please be honest and ask yourself... And I beg you all, not to whore this thread...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

well, my parents split when i was a junior in hs, and it caused major ripples in mine, my brother's and especially my sister's lives. my father's parents were divorced, but not my mother's so i dont know if u can really call that a pattern...all i do know is that i hope all the time that i am never put in that position ever again, whether i am in the relationship or one of my siblings, and def hope that my kids never have to go throught it....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

MY PARENTS SEPARATED WHEN I WAS 6-7.... THERE WAS MAD DRAMA GOING ON EVERYWHERE IN MY HOUSE.... AS I GREW UP BEING SHARED BY BOTH PARENTS ALONG WITH A YOUNGER BROTHER IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO SETTLE DOWN ANYWERE.... I GOT TO STAY WITH MY FATHER ON MONDAYS & WEDNESDAYS AND THEN I GOT TO SEE MY MOTHER ON TUESDAYS & THURSDAYS, AND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND ... THIS IS HOW I LED MY LIFE EVERY DAY SINCE I WAS 7 YEARS OLD....

AS IM DATING NOW I FIND MYSELF CATCHING ON TO SOME PATTERNS THAT I BELIEVE CAME FROM WHAT I WENT THROUGH AS I WAS GROWING UP.... I NOTICED THAT WOMEN THAT HAVE ISSUES AT HOME FLOCK TO ME.... ALCOHOLIC PARENTS, DIVORCED PARENTS, OR JUST HAVE PLAIN ISSUES THEMSELVES... I DONT KNOW IF ITS ME OR IF ITS FROM WHAT I WENT THROUGH, OR IS IT THAT IM SENSITIVE TO THIS BECASUE I WAS ONCE IN THAT POSITION ALSO????

I KNOW THAT WHEN ITS TIME FOR ME TO SETTLE DOWN AND FINALLY MARRY SOMEONE ITS GOING TO BE A DIFFICULT DECIION FOR ME... I ASLO DONT WANT TO PUT MY KIDS, WHEN I HAVE THEM, TO GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH.... NO KID SHOULD BE PUT THROUGH THE TORURE OF SEEING THERE PARENTS GET SEPERATED, ITS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT...

HOPE MY INPOUT HELPED A LITTLE BIT ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by junior0320

I ASLO DONT WANT TO PUT MY KIDS, WHEN I HAVE THEM, TO GO THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH.... NO KID SHOULD BE PUT THROUGH THE TORURE OF SEEING THERE PARENTS GET SEPERATED, ITS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT...

I hear ya sweetheart, I pray to god that the man I settle down with plan's on being my partner for life... Seperation is no fun, the parent's get over it... But a child never does... I don't think so anyways...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

but my situation growin up was different from yours..i met my father when i was 15..i don't keep in touch with him since he was never my dad..know what i mean??

my wife n i were separated for a few months n my son, our only kid, came with me..i don't want my son growin up like i did, without a father

sparklez..you'll find the right guy some day..in the beginning of a relationship people often try to be more than what they are i mean always takin thier woman/man out, buyin gifts, always overdoin it to impress..when you settle down its always well you used to always do this n that for me..relationships would be so much easier if people were just themselves in the beginning and if you just wouldn't expect so much out of someone..communication is key

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My situation is a little different. My parents divorced when I was in 5th grade. My dad moved overseas to work. I never remember fighting or anything, in fact I was used to my dad being gone. He would be out on the ship for 6-8 months every year. And he was a civilian.

The divorce seemed peaceful. My dad sent money every month and during the summer and holidays we would fly overseas to see him. Several years later my parents both remarried. That is where the problems came in for me, having to deal with new people in my life

I never thought that it ever affected my realtionships until I read this thread. I hate being left alone. I don't like going places alone or even staying at home alone for long periods of time. My younger sister on the other hand always gets her self involved with losers. She was in a abusive realtionship for 2 years.

I think on an uncouncious level divorce does affect the kids in one way or another. I can definatly see the correlation from the divorce to the remarry to my realtionhips and my sisters.

I don't know......... I just know the divorce rate is @ 50% these days if not more.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh believe me I have thought about this many times. When I was about 19 I realized that the relationships I end up in tend to mirror that of my parents. There was tons of fighting in my house, I noticed it about the age of eight, until my Mom and I moved out when I was 14. Actually, my parents are still not legally divorced, although finally the papers are being processed because my Mom is remarrying soon.

They were still so strongly in love for the longest time, and kept trying to work things out. When I was 21 and back home for the summer, my Dad even moved back in with us. I could not believe it and knew that there was not a snowball's chance in hell of it working out for them. They quickly fell back into their old pattern, and split up again.

I totally find myself ending up in the worst situations, which I find really hard to get myself out of. I'm usually the one who winds up giving until I just don't have anything left inside. Fortunately only one has been abusive. But on another level, I guess you could say I end up with guys who are emotionally unavailable for one reason or another.

One thing that I would like to point out though- people tend to say that it's divorce that screws kids up. I don't think the problem is divorce, per se, rather the unhealthy situation they are exposed to surrounding the divorce. That's why it makes me so angry to hear advocates of "staying together for the kids." Children are not stupid; they know when something is just not right. I'm an adult and have reached the point where I try not to place too much blame on my parents, but I can't help but think if they had split up sooner, rather than stay in a self-destructive relationship for six years plus... maybe things would be different.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×