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ReginaP

Friends w/ the Ex??

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Oh my god, it's funny that you posted this. I have been dating this guy for about 3 and 1/2 months and he told me from the beginning that he was good friends with ex-girlfriend. Well, I didnt have a problem with it. I'll make a long story short, but the other night she tells him she wants to get back together. Well, he swore to me up and down that he does not and he is over her. Well, now I am not comfortable with them being friends cause the line of friendship has been crossed. I told him that I wasnt comfortable with it but also said, I know I couldnt tell him who he could and couldnt be friends with. Well, he said he wasnt going to talk to her anymore. So, basically, I have always felt that ex's cannot be friends and this is one of the reasons why!!!

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Originally posted by lollib

Oh my god, it's funny that you posted this. I have been dating this guy for about 3 and 1/2 months and he told me from the beginning that he was good friends with ex-girlfriend. Well, I didnt have a problem with it. I'll make a long story short, but the other night she tells him she wants to get back together. Well, he swore to me up and down that he does not and he is over her. Well, now I am not comfortable with them being friends cause the line of friendship has been crossed. I told him that I wasnt comfortable with it but also said, I know I couldnt tell him who he could and couldnt be friends with. Well, he said he wasnt going to talk to her anymore. So, basically, I have always felt that ex's cannot be friends and this is one of the reasons why!!!

I can see why you would be jealous...and I don't know the circumstances of your relationship w/ this guy...but say you are good friends w him to begin with...and expand those 3 1/2 months to over a year. Would you just cut him out of your life completely?? Just a hypothetical question ;)

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Mmhh, lollib...I can totally understand you there (believe me, that one just makes me think again....) but there are other stories too.

I usually try to keep a sort of friendship with most of my ex-bf's. The first one: we used to be together for more than 5 years and we had been best friends for about 2 years before that. I'm not saying that it had always been easy after we broke up cause for quite some time, there would always linger attraction and emotions between us (thing is we didn't break up cause we stopped loving eachother...we just broke up cause we realized that we both wanted different things in life and we wouldn't have been happy and independently able to persue our dreams together). Anyway, we did it though and are now back again to being very good friends. We aren't seeing eachother too often but when I go back to Germany visiting my family, I always meet up with him again and I've also met his new girlfriend several times. So I think it is possible, if both partners can get over the emotions and feelings that they had while they were together.

I'm also friends with other ex-bf's... as I always find it too sad to just cut the ties to someone that you shared a considerable part of yourself and your life with. I mean, it's not that I want to talk to them every week but I would miss the chance of knowing that they are alright and what is going on in their life...it's just something that I believe in and think is important.

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Originally posted by ReginaP

I can see why you would be jealous...and I don't know the circumstances of your relationship w/ this guy...but say you are good friends w him to begin with...and expand those 3 1/2 months to over a year. Would you just cut him out of your life completely?? Just a hypothetical question ;)

I can see where you are coming from too. And they actually were friends before they started dating so I can see where they would want to remain friends. I have never met her but I asked him if she knew that he was with someone and she did know and didnt care. I dont know, that bothers me. If the episode from the other night never happened, I would be totally cool with it. I didnt have a problem with it before that. And me and him are pretty serious now. If we were whatever with each other and I didnt like him as much as I did, then that also may have affected how I felt but I really like him and vice versa.

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I think that it's possible to be friends after the break up if there was no sex involved, but if there was then it is pretty much impossible. I am friends with some of my ex's and whenever I talk to them there is still that sexual tension in the air. It helps though if both people have moved on and seeing other people.

I also think that if there was an attraction there in the first place then there always will be on some level. Especially if the person has moved on, I find people are always wanting what they can't have. It's part of the whole cat & mouse game.

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Originally posted by lollib

I can see where you are coming from too. And they actually were friends before they started dating so I can see where they would want to remain friends. I have never met her but I asked him if she knew that he was with someone and she did know and didnt care. I dont know, that bothers me. If the episode from the other night never happened, I would be totally cool with it. I didnt have a problem with it before that. And me and him are pretty serious now. If we were whatever with each other and I didnt like him as much as I did, then that also may have affected how I felt but I really like him and vice versa.

Babe, I've totally been where you are too. My ex went to NC-Chapel Hill and HIS ex ended up moving a BLOCK away from him...in MANHATTAN no less...argh! Talk about frustration...lol...and this was his first love too. But I just put my trust in him & that situation worked out fine...(she ended up moving anyway :D)

I'm more wondering from, say, your point of view with one of your exes?

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call me crazy...but I think being friends with an ex is totally possible.

I was with someone for about a year in between a little break me and my ex were taking. Needless to say things didn't work out, but once we broke it off...we both found that without the other person around, it felt like there was a big hole missing.

Him and I have been through so much together...I've known him for about 2 and a half years now...and I really can't imagine my life without him. We definetly went through our "growing" period...where we had crazy fights, and both got jealous if the other was dating or what not....but I think we've finally come to a happy medium.

It definetly isn't easy...I'll tell ya that...it takes a buttload of work...but it's worth it if you need that person to be with you in some shape or form. :D

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Originally posted by ReginaP

Babe, I've totally been where you are too. My ex went to NC-Chapel Hill and HIS ex ended up moving a BLOCK away from him...in MANHATTAN no less...argh! Talk about frustration...lol...and this was his first love too. But I just put my trust in him & that situation worked out fine...(she ended up moving anyway :D)

I'm more wondering from, say, your point of view with one of your exes?

Well, the one guy I truly loved, no we did not remain friends. It's pretty pathetic but we went out for 2 and 1/2 years and the kid still cannot say hi to me when he sees me and that was over 6 years ago. I have tried to be friendly but he is just immature. As for my other ex's, I would say that when I see them, I can talk to them. A few them I even still spoke to on the phone. I wouldnt say I have remained great friends with any of them though. But with the exception of the one, I am friendly with all the rest.

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Originally posted by marcid21

call me crazy...but I think being friends with an ex is totally possible.

I was with someone for about a year in between a little break me and my ex were taking. Needless to say things didn't work out, but once we broke it off...we both found that without the other person around, it felt like there was a big hole missing.

Him and I have been through so much together...I've known him for about 2 and a half years now...and I really can't imagine my life without him. We definetly went through our "growing" period...where we had crazy fights, and both got jealous if the other was dating or what not....but I think we've finally come to a happy medium.

It definetly isn't easy...I'll tell ya that...it takes a buttload of work...but it's worth it if you need that person to be with you in some shape or form. :D

being friends with an ex is definitely the hardest thing ive ever had to do. i mean, some ex's ive sworn off b/c of the way i was treated... one ex from a couple years ago is one of my closest friends... but my current situation is very different and much more difficult. but i will say this.... if u spend all that time with as bf/gf.. they obviously mean something to u... and when u dont end on bad terms... there really is no real reason to cut each other off... but the whole dealing with other people issue is kinda rough... but it can be worked on. if the person means that much to u, its possible.

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I dated this girl for about 2 1/2 years. We ended when were both goin to school far from each other,on good terms though. We are still friends, and dating other people, but still really care for each other. If it's meant to be(as she says it is) it will all work out in the end, ya know. As for know, we talk a lot, hang out, and occasionaly still hook up. It's a relationship I love and hate at the same time, but at least it's still a realtionship...:D.....Most girls I date though dont like hearing about this particular "girlfriend" of mine...:laugh:

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I think it is hard but possible.. me and my ex were friends for 2 years before we started dating...we were together 5 1/2 years..I broke it off with him..we broke up but remained friends hung out and all that ish...but then it stopped and we didnt talk for a while..until valentines day..which turned out to not be good..because he still had it in his head that we were going to get back together..then i called him the next day and explained how I felt but to him..he thought I meant to take things slow as in we were getting back together...

So he would leave me these messages on my cell baby this baby that...so I figured let me just avoid him maybe he would get the hint..

But of course he didnt get the hint..so I called him the other night and we talked for a while...and I told him straight out how things were going to be....and he brought up all this past shit...so I had to jsut tell him forget the past this is now and this is how we have to be...

So yes we will remain friends...but I dont think that I can hang out with him right now...because I still think he has to get over us...is that being selfish????

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Originally posted by synderella420

I think it is hard but possible.. me and my ex were friends for 2 years before we started dating...we were together 5 1/2 years..I broke it off with him..we broke up but remained friends hung out and all that ish...but then it stopped and we didnt talk for a while..until valentines day..which turned out to not be good..because he still had it in his head that we were going to get back together..then i called him the next day and explained how I felt but to him..he thought I meant to take things slow as in we were getting back together...

So he would leave me these messages on my cell baby this baby that...so I figured let me just avoid him maybe he would get the hint..

But of course he didnt get the hint..so I called him the other night and we talked for a while...and I told him straight out how things were going to be....and he brought up all this past shit...so I had to jsut tell him forget the past this is now and this is how we have to be...

So yes we will remain friends...but I dont think that I can hang out with him right now...because I still think he has to get over us...is that being selfish????

girl, i totally feel u. and thats what makes everything so much harder.

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Originally posted by bmw4jay

I dated this girl for about 2 1/2 years. We ended when were both goin to school far from each other,on good terms though. We are still friends, and dating other people, but still really care for each other. If it's meant to be(as she says it is) it will all work out in the end, ya know. As for know, we talk a lot, hang out, and occasionaly still hook up. It's a relationship I love and hate at the same time, but at least it's still a realtionship...:D.....Most girls I date though dont like hearing about this particular "girlfriend" of mine...:laugh:

Gotcha ;) So how long after the break up did you all start becoming friends/friendly again? :confused:

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Originally posted by ReginaP

Gotcha ;) So how long after the break up did you all start becoming friends/friendly again? :confused:

Well, Like I said earlier, we were broken up in September...when I went back to school. We talked occasionaly, but she was tryin to get settled at her school so we talked less. But then she called me on Christmas at like 9:00 at nite and wanted to see me..so she came over (I was home for the holidays)...and even know we were both dating other people, we got back in our "groove"..sex that is :eek:...We just wernt ready to be without each other completely at that point...And then we did the same thing this past summer...Like I said, its a pretty crazy relationship...But now it's changing because I kinda like my new girl a lot and dont wanna risk hurting her or messing up a good thing...

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:bounce: Hey i think being friends with your ex is ok...i mean i still have some of mine call or IM or stop by...the guys that come after them arent happy about that but ya know...its just that problem that if you're with someone new..that the old feelings for the ex dont pop up again

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~~~ im still friends with my ex of 3.5 yrs..........we've been broken up for a year now and now we can comfortably talk about other ppl in our lives and even ask for advice...........we've known each other for so long it would be weird for us no tto be friends...........when i first broke up with him tho we werent friends.it was very hard for him to be around me.........and honestly i think it still is.........i know ill never get back with him again...but i know he still loves me...thats why i try not to hang out with him too much so he wont get the wrong idea........and it really doesnt help that on those rare occasions that we hang out afterwards there are rumors all over the neighborhood that we r back together....so annoying:mad:

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Originally posted by linabina

.... if u spend all that time with as bf/gf.. they obviously mean something to u... and when u dont end on bad terms... there really is no real reason to cut each other off... but the whole dealing with other people issue is kinda rough... but it can be worked on. if the person means that much to u, its possible.

If someone does mean that much to you, it will work. You just can't be together as a couple is all.

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Originally posted by bmw4jay

It's a relationship I love and hate at the same time, but at least it's still a realtionship...:D.....Most girls I date though dont like hearing about this particular "girlfriend" of mine...:laugh:

You never know where it's going.....:confused:

I only hate it when you complain about it ;):heart:

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Originally posted by ReginaP

Possible? Not possible? Good idea? Bad idea?

What if your relationship was built on friendship to begin with...

I need your stories, please ;)

It's definitely possible... depending on the situation...

A couple weeks ago I just started talking to this guy I was seeing over two years ago... we were pretty good friends for about a year before we were together... but a mutual friend complicated things... so we ended it, but not on bad terms... were still friends, but didn't see each other much... then we both got into relationships for about 2yrs with other people... he met my ex, hated him, said he was a jerk, and wanted me to break up with him... which made it hard to be friends with him, because I didn't see what he saw, and he constantly bad mouthed my ex... and I should've listened to him... Well.... somehow we started to talk again a couple weeks ago... and now it's as if nothing changed... we are totally cool and can talk about the whole situation and anything for that matter... I just hope it's not weird if we hangout...

My ex on the otherhand... I want nothing to do with and don't think I will ever want to be friends with him because of the way he changed towards the end of our relationship which made me say BYEBYE...

I think for the most part... you can be friends w/your ex... :)

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