missvanessa Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 ok guys, i need your help-my boyfriend of over a year is in the military. he is stationed here in nyc (where we met) for 2 more years, and then who knows where in the world he'll go next.we love each other very much and have an amazing relationship, but he has said all along from our first date that he doesn't want to get married until he retires from the military 15 years from now (when he's 38!) because having a wife and/or kids would be distracting to his career & that the constant moving around & worrying about him would be unfair to whoever would end up marrying him & their kids.(by the way, he's 24, i'm 23.)anyway, although he is without a doubt the love of my life and i still hold out hope that he will change his mind (specially after 3 years together), i can't help but feel that i'm wasting my time if i think i am going to change his mind and that i'm in for a rude awakening if i think we are going to end up together. i would NEVER expect, want ro ask him to leave the military for me; all i want is for him to at least try to be open to the idea of us staying together if our relationship is still as good as it is 2 years from now when he has to move on to the next place.i am not in any rush to get married or even engaged - i'm only 23! - but the thought that (if he indeed leaves and breaks things off in 2 yrs) i will have been in an intense, 3 year long relationship for nothing really bothers me. yes, its not really for "nothing" and i know life is all about the journey and not about the ending, but the fact will still be that i will end up alone even if i did my best to love and support him.so, my ultimate question is this: would you stay in a relationship that came with an expiration date? if you met the person of your dreams and they told you that you're the love of their life and the person they want to end up with...but you're going to have to wait 15 years, would you stay with them? keep in mind that you have almost 2 years left until that person leaves, which is a time period even longer than the amount of time you've been together, so in theory, anything is possible...would you stay with that person? would you accept that its going to end in a couple years and try to make the best of things while they last? would you try to change their mind? would you live for the moment and see where it goes, because hey, nothing in life is certain and they might change their mind? would you suggest seeing other people, just to keep your options open for someone who IS open to marriage if and when the time is right? or would you end it?please give me your opinions!!! thank you so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tunnelbandit Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 A simple "hello" would have been appropriate for a first post. Force him to marry you then assinate him and get all of his military benefits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying_high Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 That is a pretty difficult situation you are in. The thing is that you are still pretty young and of course one could argue that you should just live the moment and see where it is going...yes he might even change his mind after a while. I guess, I wouldn't give up as yet and would still hold on to the love you have for eachother (if he, indeed, loves you as much as you think and as you love him). The other truth told though...I definitely wouldn't want to wait 15 years for him to plan on a family. I mean, while he is a man and hence nature doesn't limit his ability of having kids, a 38 year old woman, is already considered a risk-pregnancy. So, if kids are something that you would not like to miss in your life....than I guess you have to reevaluate the situation once he leaves here in 2 years...and waiting might not be an option. The question really is, I think, are you ready and is your current relationship worth, the heartache you MIGHT experience in 2 years time????? Truth is, you never know where life will bring you and although no one else ever has an expiration date attached to their relationships....you never know when it will end (and the end might be already lurking behind the next corner anyways).So I guess, I would go for it and just see where it leads you. See, when I first met my bf, he was supposed to move to San Diego 3 months later. I've experienced a long-distance relationship before and it didn't work out that time...so I wasn't really too happy of having that thought already in the back of my head from the moment we started going out together.....well, things change, he moved to San Diego only to realize 3 weeks later that he doesn't want to go through with that and that he loves me more....so he moved back and we live together now.Well, I guess you never know what happens and a fortune cockie once told us (when we started dating): "Live like your future was uncertain!!!" ...well, good luck to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petezuria Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 If he has a brother, I say you start sleeping with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fearlessnyc00 Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 petezuria If he has a brother, I say you start sleeping with him. P.S.....welcome to the boards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crackorn Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 Here's the answer to all your problems-Go to Sound Factory on Friday (I can't believe I just advised someone to go to SF but this Friday is an exception), meet up with the CPers and forget your domestic problems which you will probably be laughing at in a year anyway. Afterwards we'll all go bowling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heretic909 Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 Originally posted by tunnelbandit A simple "hello" would have been appropriate for a first post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizard23 Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 My father was in the army and moved us around and my sister and I turned out fine and got to experience a lot of things that some people never do in their lifetime (travelling, exposure to different culture, etc.) My boyfriend is in the Coast Guard, so I am prepared to deal with the same things I experienced growing up with him. Tell your b/f you don't mind (if you really don't) moving around and starting a family possibly abroad, and that it's not fair for him to leave you and what you want behind because he's being a little bit selfish about his career wants. Relationships are about compromise and you two should really sit down and work something out (maybe you can get married but wait to have kids, etc.) Hope all goes well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bustaknut2001 Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 Originally posted by lizard23 My father was in the army and moved us around and my sister and I turned out fine and got to experience a lot of things that some people never do in their lifetime (travelling, exposure to different culture, etc.) My boyfriend is in the Coast Guard, so I am prepared to deal with the same things I experienced growing up with him. Tell your b/f you don't mind (if you really don't) moving around and starting a family possibly abroad, and that it's not fair for him to leave you and what you want behind because he's being a little bit selfish about his career wants. Relationships are about compromise and you two should really sit down and work something out (maybe you can get married but wait to have kids, etc.) Hope all goes well! I agree. A guy should be willing to compromise because that's what relationships are all about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tillyandme Posted March 26 Report Share Posted March 26 then grab him by the schwantz and say marry me or lose me forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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