ellywelly Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 okay guys.. i've been down for several days now. I really need some jokes. Here is the first one..YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.....You've been married three timesand still have the same in-laws. Your house still has the"WIDE LOAD" sign on the back. Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.But she can't touch it until she's fourteen. You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs. Your sister is the third generation of women in your familyto conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction. If you can burp and say your name at the same time,you're shur'nuff a redneck. You think Possum is"The Other White Meat" You carried a fishing pole into Sea World. You hooked up with your present girlfriendas a result of a message on the wall ofthe mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop. The centerpiece on your dining room tableis an original signed workby a famous taxidermist. You think a quarter horse isa ride out in front of the Wal-Mart. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels. Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed. You think safe sex is a padded headboard. You think subdivision is part of a math problem. You think there's nothin wrong with incestas long as you keep it in the family. Taking your wife on a cruisemeans circling the Dairy Queen. You and your dog use the same tree. You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida. You think the last words toThe Star Spangled Banner are"Gentlemen, start your engines." Your father executes the "pull my finger"trick during Christmas dinner. You believe dual air bags referto your wife and mother-in-law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Ok, first off I apologize 'cos its in Spanish, but a few of us on the board know Spanish, or maybe know enough to understand a few of these jokes.****************************************************CHISTES DE ARGENTINOSEn que se diferencia un argentino de un terrorista?En que el terrorista tiene simpatizantes.*****************************************Mamita, mamita, me violo un argentino!Pero mija, ?csmo sabes que era argentino?Porque me hizo darle las gracias.*************************************** n argentino va a una farmacia de turno y pide:Che pibe, me das 40 condones?El vendedor abre un cajoncito y cuenta: ..33, 34, 35.Lo siento se#or, solo me quedan 35.Ya me arruinaste la noche! pero bueno, damelos igual.***************************************?Por qui en Argentina hay tantos casos de sietemesinos?Porque ni su madre los aguanta nueve meses.***************************************Que le tiran a un argentino cuando se esta ahogando?El resto de la familia!***************************************Cual es el juguete favorito de los argentinos?El yo-yo. ***************************************Que es un argentino sin pies, manos, brazos y descerebrado?Alguien digno de confianza.>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > En qui se parece Superman a un argentino humilde?>> > > > En que ninguno de los dos existe.>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > Como se hace para saber que un espia es argentino?>> > > > Lleva un carnet que dice: Soy el mejor espia del mundo.>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > Alguien le dice a un argentino, en una manana de sol: Oiga, que>> > > > ma#ana tan bonita.>> > > > A lo que el argentino responde: Gracias, gracias, se hace lo que>> > > > se puede.>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > Cual es el mejor negocio?>> > > > Comprar un argentino en lo que vale y venderlo en lo que el cree>> > > > que vale.>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > Como se suicida un argentino?>> > > > Se sube a su ego y salta!>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > Como reconoces a un argentino en una libreria?>> > > > Es el unico que pide el mapamundi de Buenos Aires.>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > Por que muchos argentinos prefieren no casarse?>> > > > Porque saben que jamas encontraran una mujer que los>> > > > ame tanto como ellos se aman a sm mismos.>> > > > ***************************************>> > > > Por que a los argentinos no les da SIDA?>> > > > Porque Diosito no castiga dos veces.>> > > > ***************************************Como se le dice a un argentino que se alaba a cada rato,se queja todo el dia, mira futbol todas las noches en tele yduerme casi todo el fin de semana?Normal.***************************************Por que en la Argentina nunca sufren terremotos?Porque ni la Tierra los traga.***************************************Por que los argentinos no usan paracaidas?Porque de todas maneras siempre caen mal.***************************************Dos argentinos, en el exterior, estan por entrar a una fiesta:Che, que te parece si les decimos que somos argentinos?No, deja que esta vez si nos dejen entrar.***************************************Que resulta del cruce entre un colombiano y una argentina?Un conserje que se cree dueno del edificio.***************************************Cual es la mejor universidad del mundo?Aerolineas Argentinas.Por que?Porque en Argentina la mayoria trabaja como barrenderos,cajeros de banco o secretarias y cuando llegan al exteriorson directores de cine, profesores de literatura o estrellas defutbol.***************************************Como comienzan los argentinos sus cartas de amor?"Ya se que me extranas..."***************************************Un argentino se encontraba haciendo el amor con sunovia cuando ella exclama exitada:!Ay, Dios mio!Y el responde: Bueno, bueno, en la intimidad me podesllamar Oscar.***************************************Un comentarista deportivo argentino dice:*Diego Armando Maradona es EL MEJOR jugador de Futbolen el mundo y en Argentina, uno de los mejores.***************************************Un comentarista de futbol argentino a la final de un partido:***************************************Chile y Argentina acaban de empatar el partido: cerogoles para Chile y CERO GOLAZOS PARA ARGENTINA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 3 Author Report Share Posted April 3 :laugh: those were funny vic! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 3 Author Report Share Posted April 3 k.. here's a short one Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A. Because when you take it off, you wonder where her tits went! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgiddy Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by vicman Ok, first off I apologize 'cos its in Spanish, but a few of us on the board know Spanish, or maybe know enough to understand a few of these jokes.****************************************************CHISTES DE ARGENTINOSEn que se diferencia un argentino de un terrorista?En que el terrorista tiene simpatizantes.*****************************************Mamita, mamita, me violo un argentino!Pero mija, ?csmo sabes que era argentino?Porque me hizo darle las gracias.*************************************** n argentino va a una farmacia de turno y pide:Che pibe, me das 40 condones?El vendedor abre un cajoncito y cuenta: ..33, 34, 35.Lo siento se#or, solo me quedan 35.Ya me arruinaste la noche! pero bueno, damelos igual.***************************************?Por qui en Argentina hay tantos casos de sietemesinos?Porque ni su madre los aguanta nueve meses.***************************************Que le tiran a un argentino cuando se esta ahogando?El resto de la familia!***************************************Cual es el juguete favorito de los argentinos?El yo-yo. ************ALL of this spanish, wtf is this CP Mexico? You could at least translate some of them? I saw this on the NY board yesterday)I think), it's good for wasting time and finding out truly how lazy you are. http://www.thespark.com/lazytest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuro Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 I'm 74% Lazy. Don't you want to live with meeeeeeeeeeeee?I'm lazy as a man can beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 bwahahahaha...I'm 50% lazy...I should work on getting this numebr up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaguero Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by pgiddy ALL of this spanish, wtf is this CP Mexico? You could at least translate some of them? I saw this on the NY board yesterday)I think), it's good for wasting time and finding out truly how lazy you are. http://www.thespark.com/lazytest Im 38% lazy..if I would've took the test back in college I'd be up there with Kuro. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinybutterfli Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by zaguero Im 38% lazy..if I would've took the test back in college I'd be up there with Kuro. damn! i can't take the lazy test at work! i just tried to access the URL and our firewall shot me a message that said "Reason for denying access: TASTELESS"HA!*gina* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaguero Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by tinybutterfli damn! i can't take the lazy test at work! i just tried to access the URL and our firewall shot me a message that said "Reason for denying access: TASTELESS"HA!*gina* Hold on! Your firewall classifies the websites that you're being denied?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuro Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by zaguero Hold on! Your firewall classifies the websites that you're being denied?? That's funny. I didn't think this site was all that tasteless, though. I wonder what the criteria for classification is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 :) :) kuro brought his sig back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 3 Author Report Share Posted April 3 60% lazyyy :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 shit...it just started drizzling here and I got wet, and I was wearing the only clean shirt that I had left...uh, anyone has free time on the weekend that wants to do my laundry? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malanee Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 I'm only 24% lazy!people lazier than me (92%) people just as lazy as me (1%) people less lazy than me (5%) I'm so ashamed! That test was hella funny, yo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sauvee88 Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 My firewall just said "Adult content".... guess I have to wait till I get home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crank47 Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 44% lazy!If it wasn't for having a job, I'm sure I could double that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 3 Author Report Share Posted April 3 Ughh!!.. I'm lazier than most of the guys in here... that is sad!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgiddy Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by malanee I'm only 24% lazy!people lazier than me (92%) people just as lazy as me (1%) people less lazy than me (5%) I'm so ashamed! That test was hella funny, yo! me too, I am very dissappointed in myself freakin 44% are you kidding me. I used to be soo lazy. Trust me I am as lazy as it gets and I only got 44% I take the elevator up ONE floor. I take a cab to get to my car if it's parked more then 3 block away. I get food delievered at least 3 times a week. I only go to full service gas stations and banks. In college I would pay people to carry my books to class and write my papers. I'm soo lazy I make homer simpson look like the most motivated person ever. It must be because I have a non-union job, car, do my own laundry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by ellywelly Ughh!!.. I'm lazier than most of the guys in here... that is sad!! i dunno, alot of guys would just love having a lazy woman around that way we justify being lazy ourselves and we dont have anyone bugging us to stop watching TV, clean the toilet, wash the dishes, do laundry, etc..... I think extra-brownie points can be gained the lazier a woman is Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 I am 64% • 48% of the people who have union jobs take naps at work.• 74% of the people who have trust funds have nice breasts.• 16% of vegetarians gave blood after September 11th.• Protesters like to dance.• And the laziest person at TheSpark is Greg McKenna and he is mexican and desires money from a bitch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgiddy Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by therunner I am 64% • And the laziest person at TheSpark is Greg McKenna and he is mexican and desires money from a bitch. Vic, correct me if I'm wrong, but Greg McKenna doesn't sound mexican to me? I no longer think mexicans are lazy(besides vic), all the ones I see around here bust their asses all day and all weekend building these houses. These guys work non-stop and you knwo their not getting paid a lot. So no longer will I stereotype them. BTW, why are they all short, named Jose, and drink corona's? j/k:laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by therunner • And the laziest person at TheSpark is Greg McKenna and he is mexican and desires money from a bitch. wasnt "speedy" gonzalez's cousin "slow-poke" rodriguez? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by vicman wasnt "speedy" gonzalez's cousin "slow-poke" rodriguez? Yes it was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaguero Posted April 3 Report Share Posted April 3 Originally posted by vicman wasnt "speedy" gonzalez's cousin "slow-poke" rodriguez? Si señor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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