Jump to content
Clubplanet Nightlife Community
Sign in to follow this  
ellywelly

****official joke thread****

Recommended Posts

okay guys.. i've been down for several days now. I really need some jokes. Here is the first one..

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF.....

You've been married three times

and still have the same in-laws.

Your house still has the

"WIDE LOAD"

sign on the back.

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.

But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family

to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

If you can burp

and say your name at the same time,

you're shur'nuff a redneck.

You think Possum is

"The Other White Meat"

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You hooked up with your present girlfriend

as a result of a message on the wall of

the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

The centerpiece on your dining room table

is an original signed work

by a famous taxidermist.

You think a quarter horse is

a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest

as long as you keep it in the family.

Taking your wife on a cruise

means circling the Dairy Queen.

You and your dog use the same tree.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You think the last words to

The Star Spangled Banner are

"Gentlemen, start your engines."

Your father executes the "pull my finger"

trick during Christmas dinner.

You believe dual air bags refer

to your wife and mother-in-law.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok, first off I apologize 'cos its in Spanish, but a few of us on the board know Spanish, or maybe know enough to understand a few of these jokes.

****************************************************

CHISTES DE ARGENTINOS

En que se diferencia un argentino de un terrorista?

En que el terrorista tiene simpatizantes.

*****************************************

Mamita, mamita, me violo un argentino!

Pero mija, ?csmo sabes que era argentino?

Porque me hizo darle las gracias.

***************************************

n argentino va a una farmacia de turno y pide:

Che pibe, me das 40 condones?

El vendedor abre un cajoncito y cuenta: ..33, 34, 35.

Lo siento se#or, solo me quedan 35.

Ya me arruinaste la noche! pero bueno, damelos igual.

***************************************

?Por qui en Argentina hay tantos casos de sietemesinos?

Porque ni su madre los aguanta nueve meses.

***************************************

Que le tiran a un argentino cuando se esta ahogando?

El resto de la familia!

***************************************

Cual es el juguete favorito de los argentinos?

El yo-yo.

***************************************

Que es un argentino sin pies, manos, brazos y descerebrado?

Alguien digno de confianza.

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > En qui se parece Superman a un argentino humilde?

>> > > > En que ninguno de los dos existe.

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > Como se hace para saber que un espia es argentino?

>> > > > Lleva un carnet que dice: Soy el mejor espia del mundo.

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > Alguien le dice a un argentino, en una manana de sol: Oiga, que

>> > > > ma#ana tan bonita.

>> > > > A lo que el argentino responde: Gracias, gracias, se hace lo que

>> > > > se puede.

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > Cual es el mejor negocio?

>> > > > Comprar un argentino en lo que vale y venderlo en lo que el cree

>> > > > que vale.

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > Como se suicida un argentino?

>> > > > Se sube a su ego y salta!

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > Como reconoces a un argentino en una libreria?

>> > > > Es el unico que pide el mapamundi de Buenos Aires.

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > Por que muchos argentinos prefieren no casarse?

>> > > > Porque saben que jamas encontraran una mujer que los

>> > > > ame tanto como ellos se aman a sm mismos.

>> > > > ***************************************

>> > > > Por que a los argentinos no les da SIDA?

>> > > > Porque Diosito no castiga dos veces.

>> > > > ***************************************

Como se le dice a un argentino que se alaba a cada rato,

se queja todo el dia, mira futbol todas las noches en tele y

duerme casi todo el fin de semana?

Normal.

***************************************

Por que en la Argentina nunca sufren terremotos?

Porque ni la Tierra los traga.

***************************************

Por que los argentinos no usan paracaidas?

Porque de todas maneras siempre caen mal.

***************************************

Dos argentinos, en el exterior, estan por entrar a una fiesta:

Che, que te parece si les decimos que somos argentinos?

No, deja que esta vez si nos dejen entrar.

***************************************

Que resulta del cruce entre un colombiano y una argentina?

Un conserje que se cree dueno del edificio.

***************************************

Cual es la mejor universidad del mundo?

Aerolineas Argentinas.

Por que?

Porque en Argentina la mayoria trabaja como barrenderos,

cajeros de banco o secretarias y cuando llegan al exterior

son directores de cine, profesores de literatura o estrellas de

futbol.

***************************************

Como comienzan los argentinos sus cartas de amor?

"Ya se que me extranas..."

***************************************

Un argentino se encontraba haciendo el amor con su

novia cuando ella exclama exitada:

!Ay, Dios mio!

Y el responde: Bueno, bueno, en la intimidad me podes

llamar Oscar.

***************************************

Un comentarista deportivo argentino dice:

*Diego Armando Maradona es EL MEJOR jugador de Futbol

en el mundo y en Argentina, uno de los mejores.

***************************************

Un comentarista de futbol argentino a la final de un partido:

***************************************

Chile y Argentina acaban de empatar el partido: cero

goles para Chile y CERO GOLAZOS PARA ARGENTINA

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by vicman

Ok, first off I apologize 'cos its in Spanish, but a few of us on the board know Spanish, or maybe know enough to understand a few of these jokes.

****************************************************

CHISTES DE ARGENTINOS

En que se diferencia un argentino de un terrorista?

En que el terrorista tiene simpatizantes.

*****************************************

Mamita, mamita, me violo un argentino!

Pero mija, ?csmo sabes que era argentino?

Porque me hizo darle las gracias.

***************************************

n argentino va a una farmacia de turno y pide:

Che pibe, me das 40 condones?

El vendedor abre un cajoncito y cuenta: ..33, 34, 35.

Lo siento se#or, solo me quedan 35.

Ya me arruinaste la noche! pero bueno, damelos igual.

***************************************

?Por qui en Argentina hay tantos casos de sietemesinos?

Porque ni su madre los aguanta nueve meses.

***************************************

Que le tiran a un argentino cuando se esta ahogando?

El resto de la familia!

***************************************

Cual es el juguete favorito de los argentinos?

El yo-yo.

************

ALL of this spanish, wtf is this CP Mexico? You could at least translate some of them? I saw this on the NY board yesterday)I think), it's good for wasting time and finding out truly how lazy you are. http://www.thespark.com/lazytest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by zaguero

Im 38% lazy..if I would've took the test back in college I'd be up there with Kuro.

damn! i can't take the lazy test at work! i just tried to access the URL and our firewall shot me a message that said "Reason for denying access: TASTELESS"

HA!

*gina*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by tinybutterfli

damn! i can't take the lazy test at work! i just tried to access the URL and our firewall shot me a message that said "Reason for denying access: TASTELESS"

HA!

*gina*

Hold on! Your firewall classifies the websites that you're being denied??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by zaguero

Hold on! Your firewall classifies the websites that you're being denied??

That's funny. I didn't think this site was all that tasteless, though. I wonder what the criteria for classification is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by malanee

I'm only 24% lazy!

people lazier than me (92%)

people just as lazy as me (1%)

people less lazy than me (5%)

I'm so ashamed! That test was hella funny, yo!

me too, I am very dissappointed in myself freakin 44% are you kidding me. I used to be soo lazy. Trust me I am as lazy as it gets and I only got 44%:blown: I take the elevator up ONE floor. I take a cab to get to my car if it's parked more then 3 block away. I get food delievered at least 3 times a week. I only go to full service gas stations and banks. In college I would pay people to carry my books to class and write my papers. I'm soo lazy I make homer simpson look like the most motivated person ever. It must be because I have a non-union job, car, do my own laundry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by ellywelly

Ughh!!.. I'm lazier than most of the guys in here... that is sad!!:(

i dunno, alot of guys would just love having a lazy woman around that way we justify being lazy ourselves and we dont have anyone bugging us to stop watching TV, clean the toilet, wash the dishes, do laundry, etc..... I think extra-brownie points can be gained the lazier a woman is :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 64%

• 48% of the people who have union jobs take naps at work.

• 74% of the people who have trust funds have nice breasts.

• 16% of vegetarians gave blood after September 11th.

• Protesters like to dance.

• And the laziest person at TheSpark is Greg McKenna and he is mexican and desires money from a bitch.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by therunner

I am 64%

• And the laziest person at TheSpark is Greg McKenna and he is mexican and desires money from a bitch.

Vic, correct me if I'm wrong, but Greg McKenna doesn't sound mexican to me? I no longer think mexicans are lazy(besides vic), all the ones I see around here bust their asses all day and all weekend building these houses. These guys work non-stop and you knwo their not getting paid a lot. So no longer will I stereotype them. BTW, why are they all short, named Jose, and drink corona's? j/k:laugh: :laugh:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×