ellywelly Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 okay guys... I know most of you have been in and out of relationships, so please help me out :( I'm officially out of my current relationship.... yes this means my engagement is off!! It hasn't even been two months since I told you guys I got engaged.Anyway.. my question is .. what has helped you guys to move on? How can you deal with the fact that you don't have the person you loved dearly by your side anymore? help!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by ellywelly okay guys... I know most of you have been in and out of relationships, so please help me out :( I'm officially out of my current relationship.... yes this means my engagement is off!! It hasn't even been two months since I told you guys I got engaged.Anyway.. my question is .. what has helped you guys to move on? How can you deal with the fact that you don't have the person you loved dearly by your side anymore? help!! I have found a few things that helped me when the dirty, slut, cheap, skank, bitch ran off, and I think the best thing is going out with friends, DRINKING A LOT, meaningless sex (it doesn't really help but it never hurts), Prozac, Drinking, Weed, meaningless sex, saturday morning cartoons, drinking, shopping, calling the whore up at all hours of the night to remind her of the whore that she is, posting nude photographs of the dirty hooker on the internet, drinking, meaningless sex, and burning her car. Good luck:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 4 Author Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by therunner I have found a few things that helped me when the dirty, slut, cheap, skank, bitch ran off, and I think the best thing is going out with friends, DRINKING A LOT, meaningless sex (it doesn't really help but it never hurts), Prozac, Drinking, Weed, meaningless sex, saturday morning cartoons, drinking, shopping, calling the whore up at all hours of the night to remind her of the whore that she is, posting nude photographs of the dirty hooker on the internet, drinking, meaningless sex, and burning her car. Good luck:D I didn't quite agree with ur advice entirely but it was hillarious... :laugh: and this breakin up thing didn't involve cheating or lying... just family and cultural differences Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malanee Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by ellywelly okay guys... I know most of you have been in and out of relationships, so please help me out :( I'm officially out of my current relationship.... yes this means my engagement is off!! It hasn't even been two months since I told you guys I got engaged.Anyway.. my question is .. what has helped you guys to move on? How can you deal with the fact that you don't have the person you loved dearly by your side anymore? help!! ((hugs))It sounds corny - but time heals all wounds. If you two weren't meant to be together - better to know now than after you got married, right? Take the positive memories and lessons you can from the relationship and forgive him and yourself for not making it work. Other than that - I'm a big believer in a brief and emotional mourning period (lots of crying, ice cream, talking to friends) and then an extended period of routine distraction until the hurt wears off!Now's the time to pick up a new hobby, hang with your new CP friends, take a trip, etc! Look at it as a new beginning!((more hugs)) and check your PMs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuro Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 When I asked you about being engaged at Buzz Friday and you showed me the ringless hand I didn't want to pry about whether it was just the engagement that was off or if the relationship was done. Sorry. I have no idea how to get over that type of thing. My solution has always been drugs. Good rebound sex helps take your mind off things, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgiddy Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by therunner she is, posting nude photographs of the dirty hooker on the internet, drinking, meaningless sex, and burning her car. Good luck:D You sound like a real relationship guru! But could we get a link to where the pics are?Elly, I guess it wasn't meant to be, there are tons more men out there so take your time, relax, regroup, have funa nd enjoy being single!BTW, I've always been curious about this, do you still get to keep the ring? Family and cultural differences?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by ellywelly I didn't quite agree with ur advice entirely but it was hillarious... :laugh: and this breakin up thing didn't involve cheating or lying... just family and cultural differences Did I say she cheated? NO, I don't think so!! this is a general statement that can be used for any seperation. You don't have to use all of the helpful selections, just those that apply to you. And May I suggest to you that the Meaningless SEX is the best. And since I have no ties to a significant other I think I could provide that service for you. I am more than willing to help someone in need, and then afterwards we could go drinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 elly, sorry to hear that. I've never been engaged but, have had to deal with breaking up with a girl I liked a lot sometime ago.I guess that first of all it takes time. Time heals everything. It allows you to see what happened, and why things happened so that hopefully the same mistakes wont be repeated in the future.In my case, I think that in the long run I realized that it was better to break up instead of continuing the relationship since we both wanted different things, and would not be able to give her what she wanted in life and vice-versa.Tlaking things over with people close to you, friends, family, etc. also helps you vent and make your feelings be known. This especially was a bit weird for me since guys usually have the "macho" mentality that they are indefferent to everything, but to hell with it, we all have feelings and getting them out in the open helps. My theory as to why psychologists make a pretty penny, is because in today's world no one has the time to talk anymore, we are almost rush-rush, busy doing stuff, doing other things, that we do not take the time to talk to people and listen anymore. Psycholists listen and give you advice, they help you take out your frustrations by talking of them.And as with everyting in life, everything happens for a reason, because if everything always went OK with ones life, IMO, life would not be worth living. Its the up and downs, and the way we recover from the downs that makes life interesting, that makes it worth waking up each morning and taking on a new day, even though sometimes we just feel in the dumps and feel like we should be doing something else.Also, had I not broken up with the ex- then I owuld not have gone to school in FL, never moved to NY, never been here in DC, naver done some of the things I've done since I moved here, that also made me take notice of what I'm made of, and helped me truly take a look at myself and see who I am as a person, outside a relationship, outside my family environment.So in summary: time and talking about it with people close to you...and we all have different time frames. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by pgiddy BTW, I've always been curious about this, do you still get to keep the ring? Family and cultural differences?? Legally I read that you should return it....I think I read it in MAD magazine or somewhere Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by therunner Did I say she cheated? NO, I don't think so!! this is a general statement that can be used for any seperation. You don't have to use all of the helpful selections, just those that apply to you. And May I suggest to you that the Meaningless SEX is the best. And since I have no ties to a significant other I think I could provide that service for you. I am more than willing to help someone in need, and then afterwards we could go drinking. BTW, never listen to me! I am more full of shit than anyone I know and have been single way too long to ever give advice about relationships or relationship recovery. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicman Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by therunner Did I say she cheated? NO, I don't think so!! this is a general statement that can be used for any seperation. You don't have to use all of the helpful selections, just those that apply to you. And May I suggest to you that the Meaningless SEX is the best. And since I have no ties to a significant other I think I could provide that service for you. I am more than willing to help someone in need, and then afterwards we could go drinking. oh brother.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 4 Author Report Share Posted April 4 awww.. thanks you guys for showing me your support!!! I really appreciate it. What sucks is ..is that he was my first bf and we've been together for almost five years!!Yeah.. I do think time heals all wounds and I also believe that if things were meant to be they will but if they weren't then it's hopeless.I do have a question for the guys though... how is it that you guys can shut your feelings off sometimes and just say it's over as if the time you spent with you loved one didn't mean jack????p.s. Malanee.. thnx for the huggs!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sauvee88 Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Seems like people like to make changes every spring, must be the season and what it stands for. Rebirth. Everything starts anew in spring, so why not people right?? Well don't worry Ellywelly, there are more than a couple people on this board that are in the same situation you're in. They say that it takes aproximately half the time you were with a person to get over that person...... I find it true. But the best thing to do is to go out, be with friends, try not to spend too much time by yourself, where you can think too much. Thinking is good everyonce in a while, but too much and you'll turn into a mess. Besides there is that time before you actually get to sleep at night that you'll do most of your thinking so why let it stop you during the day. Go out, have fun, laugh. Of course you could always follow the runners advice....... like..... puncture the tires, leave marks on the car.... call up and hangup during the week. Better yet get really drunk, call and babble on for hours about nonsense and don't remember it..... Say the shit you never thought you would..... burn all the things that remind you of him...... sound good runner?? Ah, I'm pretty good at making an ass out of myself 3 times after a break up and then just getting over it - though you think about stuff all the time. Just your friendly princess advice.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therunner Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by vicman Legally I read that you should return it....I think I read it in MAD magazine or somewhere http://www.nolo.com/lawcenter/ency/article.cfm/objectID/E2120B2B-1C65-4E77-92A0ADC4FA3EDC2A/catID/697DBAFE-20FF-467A-9E9395985EE7E825http://www.nolo.com/lawcenter/ency/article.cfm/objectID/E2120B2B-1C65-4E77-92A0ADC4FA3EDC2A/catID/697DBAFE-20FF-467A-9E9395985EE7E825 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crank47 Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 I'm not the best one to give advice on these things, so feel free to ignore most of it.Time does heal all...Talk to those close to you and get it all out.I tend to engage in self-destrutive behavior for awhile. Lots of drinking and bad decisions and stuff. Been that way since I was a kid. Not healthy, I know, but that's how I tend to deal with things. You shouldn't do this. Take the good that you had in the relationship and build upon it. Learn from it and move forward.As for the ring question, most jurisdictions see the whole process like a contract, therefore, the ring was part of the offer and acceptance routine. If there's no wedding/marriage, then the "contract" has not been fulfilled and the ring must be returned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vixenfoxxy Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by ellywelly okay guys... I know most of you have been in and out of relationships, so please help me out :( I'm officially out of my current relationship.... yes this means my engagement is off!! It hasn't even been two months since I told you guys I got engaged.Anyway.. my question is .. what has helped you guys to move on? How can you deal with the fact that you don't have the person you loved dearly by your side anymore? help!! *HUGE HUG* Awwwww girl I'm sooo sorry :( The best thing I think you can do is to surround yourself with close friends and fun people, and don't allow yourself to sit around and sulk too much (I mean, granted, you need time for that, but you always feel better when you have a group of friends just distracting you). Hope that helps. Feel better!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 4 Author Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by Kuro When I asked you about being engaged at Buzz Friday and you showed me the ringless hand I didn't want to pry about whether it was just the engagement that was off or if the relationship was done. Sorry. I have no idea how to get over that type of thing. My solution has always been drugs. Good rebound sex helps take your mind off things, too. Yes Kuro.. I was there to take my mind off of things... I'll keep the drugs and good rebound sex in mind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crank47 Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by ellywelly I do have a question for the guys though... how is it that you guys can shut your feelings off sometimes and just say it's over as if the time you spent with you loved one didn't mean jack????I think few guys can really just shut their feelings off. We all hurt, but most of the time I think guys just bury it deep inside. I think it's all really a front, but it's one that many guys tend to do. Why it this? It sounds silly, but this is one I blame on society and culture. Much as "society" has placed numerous "expectations" on women, men are expected to be a certain way too. Let's call it the "machismo" effect. This is stronger in some places than others and highly culturally dependent. It's sadly stereotypical of how men are supposed to act, but it gets ingrained in (in some more than others, true). Okay, I think I'm just rambling now, but you get the idea... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sauvee88 Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 how is it that you guys can shut your feelings off sometimes and just say it's over as if the time you spent with you loved one didn't mean jack???? Oh, no..... don't take it the wrong way. We think about our past relationships a lot, but we also try and forget about things that are painfull, eh?? Shutting off/ shutting out those feelings helps us move on, that and smoking like a million cig a day..... and drinking..... and mindless sex........ Here's something for you. Women don't destroy themselves like guys do. Y'all just kinda hole up and talk and stuff - very sensible. Guys - we kinda like to destroy ourselves.... notice the drinking, drugs, smoking, doing stupid shit......... But it really makes for an interesting morning when your friends recount what an asshole you were the night before!!!! It's good to be a guy sometimes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgiddy Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by crank47 As for the ring question, most jurisdictions see the whole process like a contract, therefore, the ring was part of the offer and acceptance routine. If there's no wedding/marriage, then the "contract" has not been fulfilled and the ring must be returned. Yeah but I would see it as a "gift" so she should just go and sell it, then go to AC or just get trashed and hook up with someone. Thats what I would do, wait I already do that, oh well.However, I think it's ethically and morally right to give it back, I'm not sure so much as it being lawfully right, but then again I'm not the lawyer here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuro Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by ellywelly Yes Kuro.. I was there to take my mind off of things... I'll keep the drugs and good rebound sex in mind The right kind of drugs can make for REALLY good rebound sex. I think you'll just have to wait the hurt out cuz there really isn't any other solution. In the meantime it's good to have distractions to keep you from focusing on him (like drugs and rebound sex). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 4 Author Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by pgiddy BTW, I've always been curious about this, do you still get to keep the ring? Family and cultural differences?? .. he took back the ring. If I would've kept it.. it would just bring back memories. Plus.. he paid for it so technically it's his. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nourishment Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 I'm a huge fan of crying a lot. So my advice is to allow yourself to collapse into a puddle of tears once in a while. Face your feeling head on and feel all of it now. If you hold it in or suppress, it will come back again and again. Once you've allowed yourself to feel like crap for 20 minutes or so, then focus on something else for a while. When you can't stand it anymore, then spend some time feeling bad again. You'll ultimatley find that the periods you feel bad beome shorter with longer intervals between. You'll probably find that your close girlfriends will be more than happy to help you compose a list of everyting even remotely bad about this guy, every selfish thing he he ever did, every time he embarassed you or hurt your feelings. Carrying this around in your purse and reading it often will help too. I know it hurts, but we've all felt someting similar to if not the same as what you're feeling. Just let us know what you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 4 Author Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by pgiddy BTW, I've always been curious about this, do you still get to keep the ring? Family and cultural differences?? .. he took back the ring. If I would've kept it.. it would just bring back memories. Plus.. he paid for it so technically it's his. ** sigh** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellywelly Posted April 4 Author Report Share Posted April 4 Originally posted by therunner And May I suggest to you that the Meaningless SEX is the best. And since I have no ties to a significant other I think I could provide that service for you. I am more than willing to help someone in need, and then afterwards we could go drinking. Gaaaaaawwwwwdddd I WISH I WAS A GUY!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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