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djmoonshine

do bf/gf titles matter?

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it depends on the person(s) and the relationship...personally i dont think it should matter but there are instances where it does...i.e. my roommate...the titles would complete the committment - a big issue on his and her part...sometimes it's just about what they symbolize/represent...

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Labels suck ass. . .:blown:

wtf is a BOY-FRIEND anyway. . .some stupid ass 15 year old word. . .isn’t there another name for it? Partner? Lover? Something less tacky than. . ."Oh, he's my boyfiend/girlfirend". . .

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i like "boo"...in fact, i think i'll start calling kat "my boo"..

Originally posted by clubkat

Labels suck ass. . .:blown:

wtf is a BOY-FRIEND anyway. . .some stupid ass 15 year old word. . .isn’t there another name for it? Partner? Lover? Something less tacky than. . ."Oh, he's my boyfiend/girlfirend". . .

;)

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I don't think it really matters as long as you both make it clear to each other what you want from the relationship. Not having a title may send the wrong message to people which often leads to people seeing or messing around with other people when the other person thinks the relationship is exclusive.

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Ditto to what Phatman and BoyFromBk said.

And as for what CK said... yeah it may sound a little high-schoolish but there really isn't a better word to use... say the word "partner" and people will assume you're talking about someone of the same sex; "lover" is a little weird... I mean it's basically introducing someone by saying "this is the person I'm fucking"... plus lover doesn't imply any kind of commitment...

There's also "significant other" but that can sound a little pretentious.

Maybe we should put our collective head together and try to come up with a new word? :idea:

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Originally posted by tastyt

Maybe we should put our collective head together and try to come up with a new word? :idea:

MY ___________ (insert CP name here)

My Tasty has such a nice ring to it..but then again...My Phatman sounds a little off...ok...i'll work on it...

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wow, was this thread made for me... (spragga, suthrnbelle) :laugh:

i can argue both yes and no to this

no labels are not important as long as both parties have a mutal understanding (as boyfrombklyn pointed out)

but i agree with tastyt on the same pt what do you call "the other" person and at what pt does the question "Is that your bf (or gf) ?" become like a scratch on the chalkboard to your ears and you are unsure of how to answer the question.....???

A long time ago i had a two and half year relatioinship where we struggled with this issue. (this was not just a friend wiht priveleges situation. just to clarify we did everything like a bf/gf. including two vacations to Disney and Jamaica! and only after we had 'broken up" did he finally recognize us by the title of bf/gf) When we first got together, i never questioned the label but after a year i began to pose the question of "why?" he responded with "why do we need a label -- we are just you and me!" good pt but for me i began to take it personal. being the melodramatic/overanalyzing person that i am, i thought that he didn't see me as good enough to call me his gf, etc. and i thought why ? what did i do wrong? why areen't i good enuf like his other ex's. etc. later on he explained to me that all his other "girlfriends" it always ended the same -- break up. and he didn't want that to happen. for me i began ot see it as an issue of pride and maybe even principal. ican only speak for myself but I guess there is something comforting about being able to call someone you care deeply for your bf (or gf) -- of course when you are ready to do so. ;)

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Originally posted by djmoonshine

say you're with someone, and you're acting the roles of bf/gf, not seeing anyone else, being exclusive with one another...

does the title of bf/gf really matter all that much?? :confused:

\

good question hun..I wonder the same thing. I dont think it matters..I mean if your acting as such. I mean what about those people who live together for years, but never make that final commitment of getting married...I mean does it really matter if there is no ring on the finger..

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Originally posted by nycchic24

wow, was this thread made for me... (spragga, suthrnbelle) :laugh:

you think? lol...ok, i agree that the labels are notsomuch important, and personally, i RUN from calling someone my BF--that is a 4-letter word as far as i am concerned...BUT without labels of some kind, you have to be sure that the other is not just having cake and eating it too and taking you for granted, as unfortunately began to happen in NYCchic's long relationship, and i am sure has happened to many of us...without the tie of a label or the commitment it implies, we get more relaxed and we get away from the responsibilities we should have towards someone we want to be with, b/c "i don't have to do XY or Z, they aren't my BF/GF"...so, i agree we can get along without labels, just like people can be perfectly happy in love and never marrying, but for me, i eventually want some security and i want a title when i am ready...just my thoughts...:)

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Originally posted by nycchic24

ican only speak for myself but I guess there is something comforting about being able to call someone you care deeply for your bf (or gf) -- of course when you are ready to do so. ;)

I def. agree w/you on that... There's a level of comfort and security that comes with the title...

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I think they are important only as a form or mental security. I know alot of scandalous people out there, who would fuck up one night drunk and cheat on the person they are with. And I have heard the excuse from others and from EX's that we weren't "official". Which is Screwed up because after that I don't even want to try.

So for me, yeah, title is important because alot of people don't understand the unspoken rule of " don't fuck anyone else while you are fucking me".

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Originally posted by djmoonshine

say you're with someone, and you're acting the roles of bf/gf, not seeing anyone else, being exclusive with one another...

does the title of bf/gf really matter all that much?? :confused:

Nope not at all! As long as they both know that you are solely for each other, then the title doesnt really matter, but if I meet my friends or any other girls for that matter, I will be sure to say that this is my girlfriend, I mean which girl wouldnt get mad if you met another girl and said "Hi this is my FRIEND"? :laugh::idea:

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Originally posted by siceone

So for me, yeah, title is important because alot of people don't understand the unspoken rule of " don't fuck anyone else while you are fucking me".

well spoken. too bad almost none of my girlfriends understood that rule.

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Originally posted by rdancer

Nope not at all! As long as they both know that you are solely for each other, then the title doesnt really matter, but if I meet my friends or any other girls for that matter, I will be sure to say that this is my girlfriend, I mean which girl wouldnt get mad if you met another girl and said "Hi this is my FRIEND"? :laugh::idea:

quite true babes..I would be soo pissed if the guy was like oh meet my friend:mad: then arguments begin...

BTW, cinton :( isnt that rule a given?:confused:

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Originally posted by rdancer

Nope not at all! As long as they both know that you are solely for each other, then the title doesnt really matter, but if I meet my friends or any other girls for that matter, I will be sure to say that this is my girlfriend, I mean which girl wouldnt get mad if you met another girl and said "Hi this is my FRIEND"? :laugh::idea:

In such situations I've found it best to leave out any kind of title... then of course, half of the time people will ask anyway "so are you two a couple?" which usually leads to a few moments of awkward silence and some stammering "umm... err... yeah... something like that" :laugh:

Another problem with not having the "title"... it can lead to awkward situations in which some people don't know they should keep their hands to themself... And then you're not quite sure what to do... It's like you want to go up to the person and tell them to back off but how do you do it diplomatically and without looking really possessive and insecure?

And there's a whole other perspective... what if you're that person who is introduced to a man and a woman and you're not sure if they're together? But you don't want to ask because you're too shy? I've been in those situations, where you're sitting there closely watching their body language, trying to figure the situation out...

One time I was totally off and it turned out it *was* a couple... but the girl told me to ask her bf to kiss me... so I guess it worked out ok after all... :laugh2:

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me and this guy were like together... all the emotions and feelings of being together, being bf/gf... i wasn't hooking up with anyone else, he had a few times, but back when we weren't as close...

anyway, this past weekend at the bar i was at, he kissed some girl that he had kissed before...

some of his friends are trying to tell me that its kinda my fault cause we never made it official that we were together, so im not allowed to be mad at him...

i feel like he cheated on me in a way. yeah, we werent official but the way we felt about each other and acted with each other tells a diff. story.

im having a hard time forgiving him... any advise?? :confused:

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Originally posted by tastyt

In such situations I've found it best to leave out any kind of title... then of course, half of the time people will ask anyway "so are you two a couple?" which usually leads to a few moments of awkward silence and some stammering "umm... err... yeah... something like that" :laugh:

:laugh: er been there. yes i agree that when introductions arise, you should withhold the titles.

but to rdancer and everyone else who says that titles aren't important but titles for introductions are???? :confused: pardon me, but isn't that a contradiction? :(

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Originally posted by djmoonshine

im having a hard time forgiving him... any advise?? :confused:

kiss me in front of him and then you can call it even..j/k

it sounds like you started in the right direction...talk it out...not many people can read minds...things like this become games...be as direct as possible and before you do this think long and hard about what you want out of all this and what you're going to say...

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