straybullet

Was built on lies and hatred

Same situation I am in too, I just wish I had some sign or just something from her. Too bad they don't make a Dummie's book on life. It would make it so much easier.

so much that you are afraid to tell them that and then it might ruin a great friendship, or he/she might not feel the same way about you? Or, it would be easier if the person felt the same way about you and they would make the first move first. Sometimes it would be better, you wouldn't feel like a jackass if things went awry if you did the first move.

Let me share a story about someone special I once knew dearly..... She was a sweet person. She never said a bad thing about anyone or anything. She was the type of girl who loved life. I first met her in the third grade. She came in during middle of the school year. She knew no one. The teacher sat her in a desk next me. At first we never got along. We got on each others nerves. Couldn't stand each other. Until when I punched a bully out that was teasing her all the time. Instantly we became friends. She also had moved a few blocks away from me. Over the years our friendship grew into something more. It was during high school when we actually became an item. We could never be seperated. We did everything together. The high school we went to was seperated into boys one side of the building and girls on the other. But we always managed to sneak out of class for a little bit just to see each other. We always knew how to make each other smile when one of us were sad. We even cheered up others who weren't having a good time at parties. We couldn't stand to see others being bummed out. She used to make these tapes of music for me. She said it expressed the way she felt for me. When we turned 16, we got our first fake IDs. So we decided to hit a club to test them out. We went to our very first club, the Tunnel. We never figured that we could get in. It was one the best times we ever had. Since that day, we were clubbing and partying all the time. Going from club to club, to underground parties. We were party kids in love with the scene and with each other. But it came to end in senior year in high school. I won't go into details of why we parted ways because there not important anymore. We broke up a few days before graduation. Since that day we never saw or heard from each other again.....I lost my dancing partner, and me best friend. I've never met person like her before to this day. Six years later...I was actually thinking about her this week. I wanted to do a Something about Mary kind of thing, look her up and find out what she has been up to all of these years. By coincidence, I got a large envelope today from California. It was from her. The letter was quite a couple of pages. She wrote what she has been up to. She's been through alot. She had her ups and her real downers. She also remembered back to days when we were happy. Her last words on the note was " Thank you for making me happy ". Also in the envelope was a blank cd. On it was written, " For you as always. " I played it and it was Moby's " Porcelain. " My heart sank, because I woke up to hear that song this morning. So from the address on the envelope, I decided to call information and get her number. Got it and gave a call. It was her father.....he said she took her own life this past weekend. She was incredibly sick and was in tremendous pain for quite some time. I couldn't believe it, still can't. I feel like a part of me is gone. The world lost a sweet person. I don't know why I'm writing this to a bunch of strangers. Maybe it's because I wanted to share what enjoyment I had and to share a story about a wonderful person. I always had this fantasy that one day she would come back to me and somehow magically we would meet at a club after all these years. I haven't been back to the Tunnel since we broke up. It will be my first time since then this Saturday. I think she would have been thrilled about it. So I guess I'm going to party for her then. Maybe I will get to see you all there or maybe not. But I hope to feel her there in spirit. I miss you Charlayne ------------------ Maybe its my time to say goodbye...