david_letterman

He was last seen swiggin' 'the GHB' with a bunch of Chelsea Queens Saturday night. The only lead I have to go on is a bizarre message that he left of my answering machine Sunday Afternoon which I will transcript for you folks at home: "If Dave calls...If if if if Dave calls... If if if if Dave calls...If if if if Dave calls... I'M NOT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!" Please let me know if you have any information that could help locate him. There is a reward for any tip that leads to his whereabouts. Thank You, David Letterman [This message has been edited by david_letterman (edited 11-08-2000).]

Chris Eliott of the David *cough*, *ahem* Letterman show. Who remembers his trip to "the big city" when somebody slipped him a "mickey". Or when he met the girl of his dreams, both of them had the same favorite song, "Billy Don't Be A Hero". Ladies and Gentlemen, classic television. You can also see Chris in the smash blockbuster hit "Cabin Boy". Funny stuff. David Letterman

Cara, You have just made me the happiest man on late night television. I think I'll celebrate by smoking this Cuban cigar I've been saving. Oh and BTW- HAPPY FUCKIN' BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! Dave

Number Ten: Find out what he took and get me a ten pack. Number Nine: Hey that dealer lied, there must be some K in here after all. Number Eight: Dude, this is seriously fucking up my roll. Number Seven: He's faking, you can't overdose on E, I know. I'm an EXPERT, I have read Erowid AND Dancesafe. Number Six: Dead or not, he was talking shit about Deeper and he's gonna get 'knocked the fuck out'. Number Five: Quick, give that guy a bump of Meth. Number Four: Six FUCKING dollars for a FUCKING bottle of water?! Number Three: Oh god no, he's playing 'For An Angel' again. Number Two: Hey dead guy, get outta the way, I'm tryin to do a 'glowstick' show. And Last But Not Least, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Number One Thing Overheard at Twilo When A Patron Drops Dead From An Ecstasy Overdose: Attention Everyone!!, You know the drill, if anyone asks what happened, BLAME IT ON GHB!!!!!!!!! *rest in peace Justin, and would everyone PLEASE stop arguing about what killed him, or how many pills he took, or whatever. The point is he went out to have a good time and wound up dead. Everyone needs to mind there neck when it comes to this shit, and YES apparently E can kill (or heat exhaustion from E or respitory arrest from E if you wanna get technical). Or let me guess, your still 'blaming it on the GHB'. PALEEEZE [This message has been edited by david_letterman (edited 09-26-2000).]

Number Ten: Olympics coverage pre-empted the Starsky & Hutch reruns. Number Nine: They heard Andy Rooney was going to be there. (way to go Rooney, you schmuck!) Number Eight: When your all hopped up on steroids and cocaine you need to find something to do. Number Seven: Officer Nick O'Rourke a.k.a. "DJ BeatOfficer" was jealous of Dannys ranking on the Musik Magazine list. Number Six: Twilo, Sound Factory, and Exit all paid their bribes on time this week. Number Five: The precinct's internet connection was down, and they had no access to the NAMBLA message boards. Number Four: After that last report on 20/20 someone had to do something about that dangerous "hug drug". Number Three: Finding and arresting real criminals is just too damn difficult and too damn dangerous. Number Two: They knew they would be able to give Schwingep a body cavity search. And Last But Not Least, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Number One Reason the NYPD Raided Vinyl on Friday: Getting to keep the pills dropped on the floor during the raid; cause everyone on the force knows that dropping a crushed up tab of E in an eleven year olds Slurpee almost guarantees "they'll be a gettin' some". [This message has been edited by david_letterman (edited 09-25-2000).]

If anyone sees Rooney hookin up with a tranny, please don't let it get to the press. Remember the party is called "be yourself" and over here at CBS old Andy has a reputation of being somewhat of a "chaser" once those elements kick in. He always swears up and down the next day that he "had no idea" but you know how that goes. Remember that night at the Roxy Andy???????????? Hey Andy, if your reading this, give me a call if you know where me and Paul can find some "Happy Meals" and "Pine Trees" (wink wink, nudge nudge). Have a good weekend New York!

Number Ten: The squiggy was starting to wear out. Number Nine: Couldn't remember if the Crispy McChicken was Extra Value Meal #5 or #6. Number Eight: It's better than those early mornings hustling at the Port Authority bus station. Number Seven: Have you seen the size of the knockers on some of those chicks at Exit. Number Six: Application for "Survivor II" was overlooked. Number Five: You can only collect disability for 'jussa-long" until an investigation begins. Number Four: It was getting hard to sell The New York Post in traffic; what, with the Internet and all. Number Three: Needed something to do in between waking up with a hangover, and going out to load up on drugs. Number Two: Someone needs to litter the streets with all those useless flyers, they don't just jump out there themselves you know. And, Last but not least, Ladies and Gentlemen; The Number One Reason People Become New York City Night Club Promoters: After Rudy's war on Pornography in Times Square, they downsized the mop-jockey roster at Peep-World.