Some of Miami's favorite positions....

[johnnyblackroc]

1) The Dirty Sanchez -- When you're going at it doggy-style and just as you're about to spill your load, you plunge a finger into her poopshoot and reach around to her upper lip, where you proceed to paint on "The Dirty Sanchez."

2) The Wet Burrito -- Similar to the Dirty Sanchez, only performed with your own ball sweat.

3) The Code of Silence -- Anytime you fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used condom, gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a soul what just happened between the two of you.

4) The Coyote -- When you wake up the morning after sex with an absolute beast to find that she's sleeping on your arm and rather than have to talk to her or, god forbid, touch her again, you gnaw your own arm off and leave it there.

5) The Purple Mushroom -- When your receiving a little oral pleasure from a girl and just before you shoot your load, you whip it out of her mouth and try to impale her cheek. The impression it leaves resembles a purple mushroom.

6) The Divot -- A must for golfers! When you've got your hand below the belt on some girl with a fair amount of bush, you grab on to as much of it as you can, scream "Fore!" and rip every last pube out of her.

7) The Bronco -- When you're taking a girl doggy-style and just at the moment of climax you reach around, grab her tits as tightly as you can, scream out another girl's name, and enjoy the sensation as she tries to buck you off.

8) The Rodeo -- A variation of the Bronco where a bunch of your closest friends are hidden in a bedroom closet prior to the sexual encounter. At some type of a prompt, they all run out with a video camera and you try and see how long you can stay on as she tries to get away.

9) The Pearl Necklace -- When you are enjoying a fine blowjob or titty-fucking session and you happen to leave a line of droplets resembling a string of pearls around her neck.

10) The New York Style Taco -- Any time that you are so drunk that you go down on a girl and puke in her box.

11) The Stinky Pinky -- When you're going at it from the back and you insert a pinky finger in along side your member, reach around front, and plunge it so far into her nostril that it tilts her head back.

12) The Gobstopper -- When you're receiving a hand job and just as you're about to come, the girl decides to squeeze your unit with all of her might and cap you off with her thumb.

13) The Stranger -- When the tedium of your nightly jerk off becomes too much so you sit on your hand until it falls asleep, giving the sensation of someone else doing it.

14) The Donkey Punch -- When you're attacking a girl from the back and at the moment of climax you pull out, plunge it into her cornhole, let out a mighty "Hee Haw!" and punch her in the back of the head. Note: In order to fully enjoy the Donkey Punch, you must knock her out as this results in a tightening of the asshole.

15) The Hot Lunch (aka Cleveland Steamer, aka Hot Carl) -- When you're receiving a blow job from a position where you're crouched over her face on all fours and you drop a monster shit right onto her chest.

16) The Chili Dog -- A variation of above where you proceed to titty-fuck her afterwards.

17) The Shocker -- When you're fingering a girl and decide to give her a surprise so you insert a digit or two into her asshole.

18) The Beetle Clip -- You insert your thumb into the snatch and forefinger into the poopshoot and try your damndest to make them touch each other.

19) The Six Pack -- When performing the above and you attempt to carry the girl around (similar to the way you would a six pack).

20) The Golden Shower (aka Watersports) -- Any shape or form of urinating on or in a girl.21) The Bismarck -- When you've got your dick buried to the hilt in some girl's throat and you pull out to sign her face, then belt her, and smear the blood and come together.

22) Tossing Salad (aka Rim Job) -- A common prison practice that couldalso be termed "eating asshole."

23) The Cave -- When you blow your load into a girl's mouth and proceed to kick her teeth in, making her mouth look like a cave.

24) The Bullwinkle -- When you're entering your partner from the rear and you reach up front, wrench her nipples as hard as you can, put your hands up to the sides of your head like antlers, and wiggle your fingers and stick out your tongue while emitting a high pitched turkey gobble.

25) Felching -- A homosexual activity in which one fag fucks another and proceeds to suck his own splooge out of his partner's asshole with a straw. This one's not even popular in prison.

26) The Dog in the Bathtub -- The name given to attempting to drop your nuts into a girl's asshole. Aptly named as it's about the only thing harder than getting a dog into a bathtub.

27) The Dolphin -- When you're giving it to a girl from behind and you pull out to stuff it in her butt when she turns her head around and whimpers, "Uh Uh, Uh Uh," sounding exactly like a dolphin.

28) The V-Plow -- When you're muff diving and in order to look up at the girl you drag your whole face through here snatch, nose proudly leading the way, parting that nasty labia.

29) The Crimson Tide -- When you're going down on some girl and, to your surprise, the lunar alignment dictates that her monthly flow has just to begun.

30) The Free Willy -- When you've worked up such a throbber that when some girl unzips your pants to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon style.

31) The Mudslide -- After convincing some girl to give you a little ass munching action, you proceed to unleash a massive flow of diarrhea and sit there and laugh as it runs down her face and body.

32) The Fortune Cookie -- After you're done banging some chick, you slip the condom off as you pull out, leaving it in there for the next customer.

33) The Eiffel Tower -- When you and a friend decide to work a girl over together. You get her down on all fours with one of you in her mouth and the other going at it doggy style. From this position you give one another a mighty, two-handed high five, making the entire structure resemble> the Eiffel tower.

34) The Angry Dragon -- On the first round of the night, work up an extremely large load during a blow job. Just before you're about to explode, grab the back of her head and ram your unit as far down her throat as possible, causing her to gag on your pint of fluid. The result? She spews it out of her nose, making her resemble an angry dragon.

35) The Flying Camel -- A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a camel in distress. Strictly a class move.

36) The Fishhook -- A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.

37) The Ram -- Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall against her head should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.

38) The Fountain of You -- While sitting on her face and having her eat your asshole, jerk off like a madman, build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, and spew like a geyser all over her neck, tits, and stomach (Better in her bed).

39) The Pink Glove -- This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. This is referred to as the pink glove.

40) The Fish Eye -- Fucking her from behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison) whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell is going on back there.

41) The Fur Ball -- You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.

42) Tea Bagging -- When she takes your whole scrotum into her mouth and holds it there like a tea bag in a cup of hot water.

43) The Hummer -- While sucking on your rod, she emits a low humming noise. The vibrations from her throat make it all too easy to bring her concert to a quick end.

44) Snow Balling -- Occurs when some chick takes your load in her mouth and has the audacity come up and kiss you while it's still in there.

45) The Camel Clutch -- When she's lying on her stomach with you giving it to her from behind and you decide to emulate the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her underneath the chin and pulling straight back with both hands.

46) The Rumpledforeskin -- When some girl makes you stop fucking her because she somehow realizes that you don't remember her name, causing you to go limp (like the fairy tale).

47) The Skull Fuck -- The act of removing a person's eye (unless you really luck out and find someone who's already lost one) and fucking the gaping whole left in its place.

48) One in the Fridge, One in the Freezer -- Another one that requires a partner, this simply refers to you and a buddy putting one in her pussy and another in her butt, and simultaneously trying to reach her uterus and large intestine.

49) The Repunzel -- When no amount of suggestion, persuasion, or begging will get a girl to go down on you and you're forced to resort to simply pulling her head down there by the hair.

50) The Boston Cooler -- Any form of oral stimulation in which you cleverly conceal ice cubes in you mouth to surprise your partner.

[djduchovony]

wow, i guess someone has a deep rooted hatred for women. just cause you get no pussy johnny, is no reason to have these violent rapist fantasies about abusing women. and you critique my comments ? go back to work at your dive bar rapeboy.

[johnnyblackroc]

Originally posted by djduchovony

wow, i guess someone has a deep rooted hatred for women. just cause you get no pussy johnny, is no reason to have these violent rapist fantasies about abusing women. and you critique my comments ? go back to work at your dive bar rapeboy.

okay, Striker.......whatever you say. Looks like somebody else has gotten under someone's skin. It's a friggin joke that has nothing to do with rape. I wouldn't make light of that. Like I have done any of those detailed positions. Well, maybe 1 or 2.

Get no pussy? Ummm, yeah, ok!

The bar I work at, by the way, is not a dive bar. Your conception place is one thing, as far as a dive bar goes, but not where I work p/t.

WHO'S NEXT?

[djduchovony]

your not getting under my skin johnny rapeboy. i just feel sad for the poor women that you force into having sex with you. your comebacks make baby jesus cry - they are so sad. i know working at a divebar gives you easy access into raping drunk, barely coherent women, but you should really look into getting a real job johnny rapeboy.

[pod]

Well geez, he's counting down till Memorial day...

[digital7]

lol .. damn doggy, you got wayyyy too much time on your hands

[chrishaolin]

awesome.. a few ive never heard of before in that post.. here are a few more.. (sorry for any repeats)

Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl, it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.

Double Fishhook - From the doggy-style position, you hook your

pinky fingers in her mouth and pull back to achieve deeper penetration.

Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that

your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use; hence, western.

The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It

involves having her suck you off while you're on the shitter.

The Bismark - Another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to spew, pull out and shoot all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and jism together

Jelly Doughnut - A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is

punch her in the nose while you are getting head.

Woody Woodpecker - While a chick is sucking on your balls,

repeatedly tap the head of your cock on her forehead.

Gaylord Perry - Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is

for wimps. Make this famous knuckle-ball pitcher proud and use multiple digits on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of 2 knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).

The Rear Admiral - An absolute blast. When getting a chick from

behind (with both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab onto anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that the momentum pushes her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table, or have her trip and fall on her face. You attain the status of Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything

and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.

Ray Bans - Put your nuts over her eye sockets while getting head. You're can is on her forehead. Yes, it may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.

The Snowmobile - When plugging a girl while she's on all fours,

reach around and sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.

48.Butt Rodeo- When you're going at it with a girl, you flip her over real fast, start ramming her in the ass and yell as loud as possible "BUTT RODEO!" You then see how long you can ride her till she tosses ya off!

The Flaming Amazon- This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz!

58.The Screwnicorn -When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead

and

proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

64.Anal Boot- An anal boot is when you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or drinking game.

65.Australian Death Grip- The act of grabbing a woman by the

haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.

69.Insta-gasm -Pre-mature ejaculation at the sight of a beautiful

woman. ie:

"She was so fine, I had an insta-gasm before I could get her clothes

off!"

77. Tony Danza - a takeoff of the donkey punch is called the Tony

Danza. When you are about to cum while doing a girl from behind, you say "who's the boss?" and stick it in her ass. Before she says anything you shout "TONY DANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head.

78. Alaskan firedragon - another good take off is one of the angry

dragon that is called the alaskan firedragon. When a girl is giving you a blowjob, cum in her mouth unexpectedly and plug up her mouth at the same time. Then whisper in her ear "i have syphilis" so she spews it out her nose.

79. The Walrus - when she's giving u a blowjob and u cum in her mouth unexpectadly, cover up her mouth and punch her in the stomach.

80. The Fat Lip - If you get poison ivy and finger a girl, her labia

lips will swell. A la, the fat lip.

81. Sleeping Bag - If you're going down on a really fat girl, you pull her enormous stomach roll of fat over your head.

82. Hummer Bird - when a girl is giving a guy a hummer, and he's

enjoying it, she bites on his bird.

83. Bloody Mary - when a drunk guy is going down on a girl and without even realizing it after he's done, he realizes Mary was very Bloody

84. The Houdini - this maneuver is accomplished while going at it doggy style. As you feel you are about to cum, you pull out and spit on the small of her back (making her think you've finished...). It's at the point when she turns around when *BAM!* You bust your load in her face (in the eye if you've got proper aiming techniques down.) Also known as the Doug Hennings

and the David Copperfield.

85. Upperdecking - This one takes practice. This maneuver requires a toilet with a tank above it, like the ones in most homes. Instead of crapping in the bowl, you shit in the tank (i.e. upperdecking). Now don't flush. When the following victim flushes, the rancid waste fills the bowl. If you play

your cards right, it may ferment

86. Journey into darkness - This is the most disturbing of all. It

entails shitting into another person's asshole. Not for beginners.

87. Rocky Balboa - dont shower for 2 weeks, then diarrhea down her throat at any point during sexual contact.

88. Rocky Balboa Title Punch - same as the Rocky Balboa, but in that non-showering 2 weeks all you eat is corn.

89. The McDonald's Quick Draw - Get your girlfriend to talk dirty into the intercom, making the order guy start to beat off. Then while pulling up to the window, have her give you falatio till you are about to blow your beefy chunk-load. Upon pulling up to the window, tell your girl friend to yell "Draw!". Then on "three", both you and the guy blow your loads either on her or eachother.

Toast Strut" seen in Road Trip.

91. Airtight - this is where a girl has a cock in each of her three

holes, hence, airtight.

92. The Throne of Lightning - This is done by fucking a girl while you shit in a toilet. When you're going to blow your load, turn her over and dunk her head in the toilet, while she's bobbing for your turd plummet a river of semen in her ass. Not to be confused with "Ride the Lightning," a Metallica album

93. Abe Lincoln - You're getting a girl up the ass and give her a swift donkey punch to the back of her h ead, knocking her unconscious. You then turn her around and jerk off and blow your load all over her face. Then you shave her beaver and take the clippings and spread it where you jizzed on her, making a beard that looks like good ol Honest Abe's.

94. Thanksgiving - Just like the holiday, Thanksgiving is when you do a girl and then she puts her two big butt cheeks on your face like holiday hams. An overcooked thanksgiving is similar to this but instead of just putting the cheeks on your head she farts on it too.

95. PEUM - An acronym coined by a group of drunk assholes that defines the annoying (and uncontrollable) tendency to piss in multiple directions after

a raucous fuck: Post-Ejaculatory Urinary Misfire.

96. The Beverly Hills Whiffer -This move is restricted to those women who think they're God's gift to the world. Find a woman of the above description. Take her home and start doggie styling her. When you're about to blow, corkscrew two fingers into her ass, scraping as much shit as you can from her. Pull out your fingers, reach around her head to stick one finger in each nostril. Pull her head back so she can see you while you yell

"So, you think your shit don't stink now ?!"

97. Shanghai Shampoo - Fuck a chick until you've built up a load large enough to paint a room. Blow it all in her hair, rub it in thoroughly. When it dries it will resemble the crunchy noodles often served with chop suey.

98 . Frosting the Cake - When you are about to cum, blow a load all over her chest. Then take your dick and evenly spread the Jism around the breasts and over the nipples. Then stick some candles on it and start singing "Happy Birthday." Then blow out the candles

Spicey Stanley - When a girl takes hot sauce and pours it on your

cock. She then proceeds to give you a blowjob, making sure all of the hot sauce is gone.