The Shower Routine

[raverdoll]

The Shower Routine

How to Shower Like a Woman:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and dark.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note: Must do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off the shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit; tweeze hairs.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend and hour and a half getting dressed.

How to Shower Like a Man:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way make the "woo-woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (not).

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off down the drain.

9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.

11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.

12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.

15. Pee (in the shower).

16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

17. Partially dry off.

18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles again.

19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

[sunnyhost]

Make a shampoo Mohawk

lol...everytime I see someone do this it reminds me of...BUELLER!

[stogiey2k2]

damn numbers 8-10 for the guys,,, geese stereotype damn it......

I like the woo woo sound one though that one's NIZE..

[weyes]

the idea of peeing in the shower had never even ocurred to me until a male friend of mine told me about it when i was in high school.

[naomi1]

This is too funny!!