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I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends off or public holidays.

I work in a damp environment.

I don't get paid overtime.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious disease.

Thank you for considering my request.

The Penis

In Response:

Dear Mr. Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the

following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit

other areas.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and

stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as

wearing the correct protective gear.

It's doubtful you'll work until the normal retirement age of 65.

You're unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have

completed the day's work.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly

entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious

looking bags.


The Management

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