what about love?

[weyes]

so sad today, thinking about love.

i don't know where it came from, really. i just had that terribly lonely feeling, that, "will it always be like this?" thing. that, "it doesn't seem like it'd change anytime soon, i mean, why would it?"

and my mind turned to a friend of mine back home in new york who i love so very much and miss like crazy. the only problem with him is that i'm not, and never have been, attracted to him. i guess that's good, really, considering that we're so far apart; it would be worse if i thought we were meant for each other and we were on opposite coasts.

but here's what was getting me today: i don't know of anyone, and i've never known, a man as wonderful as, or even like him. i'm afraid that i'll never find someone who comes close. like, maybe, if he's the standard by which i measure all men, no one else will be worth considering. and that leaves me doomed to solitude. i can't have friends who are much better than my husband; i have to live with the latter, for chrissake, with all those vows and whatnot. you know, no settling, that's what i always said.

this situation bothers me from time to time, but never with as much gravity as it does today, and never with this much clarity. does anyone know what i'm talking about? anybody have any thoughts on or feelings about this?

[vicman]

yeah, it does get to me from time to time. it hurts even more when you meet someone and things do not work out, the question of "when will it happen to me?" always seems to creep into my mind, or at other random times, sometimes it does bother me and sometimes it doesnt bother me that much, i get over that phase or period, or phase, to relapse at some undetermined later time.

growing older makes it even worse, 'cos now its like its not only something that just concerns me, but friends and especially family always seem to be asking that question that I am starting to rue, "have you met someone yet?" or its derivative, "do you have gf yet?"

But what can one do? Nothing really, I think, other than continue to be open to meeting new people and presenting one self in the most natural state, one that reflects your true personality and seeing what happens, thats the conclusion that I've reached.

And once you meet someone, communication, communication, communication, is one of the things that I think we overlook alot of the times, or that we dont put alot of attention to.

there should be a web site for mail order husbands around the internet somewhere

[weyes]

Originally posted by vicman

there should be a web site for mail order husbands around the internet somewhere

i'm sure there must be quite a few .

the cute boy from the rave on saturday called me tonight, and i felt all giddy when i got off the phone. it's ridiculous, though; he's 20, and i'm well, not . but i feel as though i have to be serious with my relationships. you know, no time to waste? so many of my friends are married or in serious relationships that --- wait a minute --- i think the only ones who aren't are gay . i dunno. all this gets confusing when i'm so easily distracted by nice arms and a rare, yet still american accent (you've gotta hear it, whoo) .

but, really, i'm only trying to get myself confused to distract myself from knowing that i know exactly what i want. i think knowing what you want hurts the most; it makes the finding of it much harder. and i don't mean that i'm actively searching - i know that "you'll only find love when you're not looking," yadda yadda yadda. i just mean that i dismiss guys early on, knowing that each one is "not the one," and therefore not with bothering with.

anyway, i'm gonna try to convince him to go to a really good massive that's coming up. maybe i'll go to a couple of raves again; last week's was fun, and, if i have a cutie to go with, it'll be all the more so. yummy ...

[vicman]

ooooo...first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a carriage ...anyway,

i think you just have to give any guy a chance (this coming from the guy perspective). i hear it from some of my female freinds how many times they dismiss, IMO, guys too early on, either because they tell to many corny jokes, they seem nervous, or they tend to leave the toilet seat up.

I always tell them that if they are interested in someone they should give it a chance maybe 3 dates and see what the deal is. like when being kid and you got to a new school, you felt weird being the new kid in the class, same way when you start a job, iot takes time to get used to your co-workers, environment, classmates, etc.

although sometime its clear that the person in question and oneslef have absolutely nothing in common, then by all means, dont waste time, yours and the other person, but sometimes its the jitters, hell i know it happens with me, i get jittery and stuff, but eventually it goes away.

[joeygk]

this thread is depressing

I'm going to go listen to my Portisehead CD and cry now. "Nobody loves me............"

[sebastianxy]

Vicman:

"I think you just have to give any guy a chance (this coming from the guy perspective). i hear it from some of my female freinds how many times they dismiss, IMO, guys too early on, either because they tell to many corny jokes, they seem nervous, or they tend to leave the toilet seat up. "

I gotta agree on that one. I am a complete coward when it comes to strangers. I'm nervous, feel awkward, and generally feel the artificiality and pretense of it all.

If I'm with a bunch of friends and one of them brings someone new, then I can sit back and get a feel for the person before I throw myself in the mix. I guess that is why I have never walked across a dance floor/ bar/ club and initiated a conversation with a complete stranger. Can't do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm dating someone now and have a good social life, but it is definitely tough out there. And the good ones are truly hard to find; But I was single for a long time, and being picky and not settling is the only way to go.

Unless you're just damn horny

[vicman]

ur right sebastianxy, hell I wont go up and talk to a complete strange girl unless I'm really because thats simply not my nature, I'm a bit on the shy side, what can I say?

Allthough, I did get to meet almost all of the people on the DC board when I asked a random girl at a club if she could take care of my glowstix while I went to take a leak twice at Buzz Then I found out she posted on the board

[weyes]

Originally posted by sebastianxy

If I'm with a bunch of friends and one of them brings someone new, then I can sit back and get a feel for the person before I throw myself in the mix. I guess that is why I have never walked across a dance floor/ bar/ club and initiated a conversation with a complete stranger. Can't do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm dating someone now and have a good social life, but it is definitely tough out there. And the good ones are truly hard to find; But I was single for a long time, and being picky and not settling is the only way to go.

yeah - that's another thing; i can talk to strangers just fine, unless it's a cute guy. i'll talk to everybody else. last saturday i was sitting on a bench, when a cute guy finally sat down beside me (all the preceding ones were notably not). he sat there and smoked an entire cigarette, and i couldn't say a word, all because i was intimidated by his looks. sigh. i guess i'm just doomed to talk to guys to whom i'm not attracted or i'll be waiting for them to talk to me forever, the way i did finally get lucky that night. but if i do wanna increase my chances of getting a cute/hot guy, i should open my mouth to guys who fit that description(silly girl).

[vicman]

fear of rejection i tell ya, its fear of rejection...hmm its weird how sometimes when i see 2 good looking girls, if i know 1 of them is single i get nervous around her, but if i know she's "attached" i have absolutely no problem in initiating a conversation...this of course does not apply when I'm :goofy: or ....hmmm....i think should start getting FUBAR more often