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It was in the second grade when I was eating my cereal, and I saw my reflection in the spoon when I thought; Wow Shlonger, you are really, really... really, ridiculously good-looking. FIVE years later, this is what I see when I look into my spoon, and the reason I use a metal spoon to eat everything. I look into reflective objects often, not only because it is a good source of happiness and relief, but also an aphrodisiac... However, I try not to look into pools, lakes, ponds, or any other reflective hydrosurface because I become mesmerized, causing my body to go into a relaxing, dream-like state, thus falling into the water and drowning. I also kiss my biceps often, and still have the best tan.

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