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hoke

What to do when someone gets too attached to you?

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What do you do when you once had something really casual with someone, but he/she attaches much more importance to it than you do, and keeps trying to start something up again?

I get really uncomfortable hanging around someone like that, because I feel the pressure's on me to act in a way I don't want to.

How do you handle such a situation gracefully?

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Communicate your feelings and back up what you say with yuor actions. Be empathic when you explain, keeping in mind that this person DOES have feelings for you (think about a time when you may have felt that way), and don't be flirty/sexual/whatever with the person. Friendly is cool, but if the other person starts getting clingy again, have another talk. Sometimes once doesn't always get through. Communication is the key, and as long as you aren't mean or mindfuck-y about it, everything will work out fine. Period.

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Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

Communicate your feelings and back up what you say with yuor actions. Be empathic when you explain, keeping in mind that this person DOES have feelings for you (think about a time when you may have felt that way), and don't be flirty/sexual/whatever with the person. Friendly is cool, but if the other person starts getting clingy again, have another talk. Sometimes once doesn't always get through. Communication is the key, and as long as you aren't mean or mindfuck-y about it, everything will work out fine. Period.

i like his answer better... listen to him~ :D

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Thanks for the advice... One part of the problem is that she hasn't explicitly expressed a desire to start something up -- it's just a vibe that I get from her whenever I talk with her on the phone or in person. It's hard to be direct about something you're not sure about...

Then again, I've certainly been known to misjudge vibes.

Argh. Emotions are annoying things sometimes. :\

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Originally posted by djmoonshine

i think the best thing you can do is be honest... it's way better then you like ignoring her or something...

i guess just talk to her and let her know how you feel... eventually she'll appreciate your decision to be honest...

I couldn't agree more! Be honest, tell him/her exactly how you feel (whether you want to just be friends, etc.) and see what happens. If the person just doesn't get it, it may come down to having to cut that person out of your life. It may sound selfish, but it's not. The other person is being selfish.

I know that some people can't be friends with other people because they believe their feelings are too strong and it would hurt too much to see that person with someone else. I'm sure we've all felt like this some time in our lives, but if the person is smart, he/she will realize that it is better to have you in his/her life than not at all. After all, if he/she cares about you that much, he/she would like to see you happy.

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Originally posted by hoke

Thanks for the advice... One part of the problem is that she hasn't explicitly expressed a desire to start something up -- it's just a vibe that I get from her whenever I talk with her on the phone or in person. It's hard to be direct about something you're not sure about...

Then again, I've certainly been known to misjudge vibes.

Argh. Emotions are annoying things sometimes. :\

Um... well, keep your ear open, but I would say you're just being paranoid right now. Maybe she's just intrigued by you, and likes the person you are. Maybe it's just a crush, and nothing serious... happens all the time. Don;t sweat it right now. You're just causing yourself stress. If it gets to the point where you are positive that she is attached, and you don;t want her to be, talk to her honestly.

Right now... chill. Enjoy life, cause it's fucking short!

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Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

Um... well, keep your ear open, but I would say you're just being paranoid right now. Maybe she's just intrigued by you, and likes the person you are. Maybe it's just a crush, and nothing serious... happens all the time. Don;t sweat it right now. You're just causing yourself stress. If it gets to the point where you are positive that she is attached, and you don;t want her to be, talk to her honestly.

Right now... chill. Enjoy life, cause it's fucking short!

Well, there's more information that I'm not providing for the person's sake. I'll just say that it's not all paranoia. She has expressed an explicit desire in the past. We got past that, but it's not at all clear to me that she's given up the idea. Like I said, this has been going on for some time now.

I'm not really stressed about it, I'm just a little uncomfortable, and I want to do what's right in this situation.

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Talk to her. Let her know how you are feeling, but also consider her feelings. Next time something happens that makes you uncomfortable, wait for a private time when you can pull her to the side, and let her know how you ae feeling, and why you feel that way. She may feel totally different. Explain that you may be wrong, as you have been in the past, but just want to get everything out in the open. COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN ANY AND ALL RELATIONSHIPS.

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Originally posted by wideskies

OKAY I ADMIT IT I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH ROKHUM 4 TEN YEARS NOW EVER SINCE I WAS 11 YEARS OLD WILL U MARRY ME?

err... or were you talking about someone else?

my bad.

wideskies, I appreciate that you lust after me like a repressed schoolgirl... however, what we did back then was only for my horny teenaged satisfaction. I already explained to you that I'm not really interested in you "in that way," so please stop dropping hints and making me uncomfortable. If you can't keep your shirt on around me, I'm going to have to stop seeing you at all...

;)

Err... yeah. Communication really is the key to all relationships. We'll see what happens, and if a really obvious situation arises, I'll try to talk about it gently. *nod*

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stop taking their calls as often (get caller id if you don't have it already), make plans with other people, tell the person you're going to be really busy for a while etc, and if they're not dense, they'll get the hint soon enough,

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I can only agree with everyone else...honesty and clarity is key...talk to the person and try to communicate your feelings etc.

Then again...don't make the situation into something it isn't...especially if you are known for misjudging this sort of thing... sometimes friendliness and casual behavior are easily misinterpreted by our male companions ;) ...so see what's going on and try to keep an objective outlook on the situation. Good Luck though!!!

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...best to wait it out son...could be mixed signals indeed...add to this, some extra-sensitive creatures will go the opposite direction if you handle this improperly which is probably what you dont want to happen...time reveals all truths...

wideskies: wild thing, you make my heart sing...you make everything grooooooooooovy...

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