SEaside Vs Belmar ( someone sent this to me)

[doubleplay1970]

i tend to disagree on the outcome but thought t was funny

> Belmar Vs. Seaside

>

> This is clearly a very sensitive topic that has been avoided up until this

> point in time, but I feel it must be addressed once and for all, and who

> better to address it than I.

>

> In the past, we've both witnessed and engaged in battles such as

> Guidos vs. Preps", "D&G vs. Abercrombie", "Red bull n' Vodka vs. Coors

> Light" and even "NJ Shore vs. Hamptons", but this battle quite possibly

> represents the

> fiercest competition of all time. The significance behind this match-up is

> quite simple: the nation's two elite guido communities concentrated in

> central NJ from Memorial Day to Labor Day separated by a mere 16 exits on

> the NJ Parkway going head to head in a battle that will decide who

deserves

> the Guido rights to the NJ Shore. As the stakes on the line here are quite

> significant to say the very least, I am aware of the potential unrest this

> will ignite within our guido community. Therefore, I must stress the fact

> that each are world class competitors and deserve to be treated as such,

so

> please be respectful b/c we are each blood guidos and guidettes.

>

> This battle will be judged on 6 different categories that are most

essential

> to a guido's/guidette's summer, and each competitor will be awarded a

score

> between 1-10, 10 being the highest. The scores will then be summed in

order

> to arrive at the NJ Shore Master. I'm so excited right now that my fist is

> pumping involuntarily out of control!!! The categories include:

>

> Best Beach, Biggest Juice Heads, Hottest Guidette Monsters, Best Happy

Hour,

> Best Clubs and last but not least, Best Chances of Getting Laid. For the

> record,

> Headliner's will be included in the Belmar corner, and Surf Club in

> Seaside's.

>

> Best Beach

> This will probably be the easiest category to judge. From its soft sand

and

> clean water to its densely populated guido and guidette incumbants who are

> for the most part in their 20s, and from its stereos pumping the latest

> guido trax to the likelihood of running into every person you ever slept

> with, Belmar takes this category by a landslide...a solid 10.

> Seaside beaches are packed with a bunch of low-lives, most of whom don't

> even have green cards let alone US citizenship, and these low-lives are

> either

> families or little scumbag teenagers with no muscularity or gel in their

> hair hoping to find some change or left-over pizza in the sand, and later

> spend time practicing pathetic tricks on their skateboards along the

> disgustingly filthy boardwalk. The beach in Ortley that surrounds Surf

Club

> is the only reason Seaside scored a 7 in this category, but even Surf

> Club

> couldn't make up for the trash its neighboring beach populates...what a

> shame.

>

> Biggest Juice Heads

> The results of this category will even things up on the playing field.

> While I've seen my share of absolute beasts walking in Belmar and hanging

> out in DJAIS, I'm dumbfounded every summer by the amount of steroid freaks

> hanging out in Surf Club, but especially at Tempts. I've actually noticed

> some guidos walking around with syringes still insereted in the fourth

> quadrant of their glutes on several occasions at Tempts...one time I even

> saw a

> guidette monster with one still in her who was shooting up Winstrol!!!

> Seaside 10, Belmar 7.

>

> Hottest Guidette Monsters

> This is clearly a very controversial category. DJAIS is always packed with

> NJ, Staten Island and Long Islang guidette monsters on Fridays nights,

> Saturdays for Happy Hour and Sundays for both Happy hour and late night,

> and Headliner's clearly populates quite a number of these sex beasts on

> Saturday nights. These two match up almost evenly to Surf Club and Tempts,

> but I'm leaning more towards Seaside in this category, especially b/c of

> other places like Excess and even Bamboo and Bermuda Club, although the

> pickings are quite slim here usually. Seaside simply attracts a bigger

crowd

> of guidette monsters, so the number of hot sex beasts will clearly be

> more...in other words, there's a larger quantity of quality guidettes in

> Seaside than

> Belmar, but it's definitely a close call.

>

> Seaside 10, Belmar 8.

>

> Best Happy Hour

> Even my dad knows the brand name and reputation DJAIS brings to the table

> when it comes to Happy Hour. Whether you're indulging in the free buffet

and

>

> half-price drinks on Friday from 5-9 while watching a bunch of dumb sluts

> and gay guido wanna beez perform kareoke on stage, or half-priced drinks

and

>

> reduced admission on Saturday from 3-7, or most importantly the Sunday

happy

> hour that prepares you for the outrageous number of strippers and hard

> core guidette monsters that will show up later in the evening, DJAIS is by

> far a leader in the Happy Hour industry. Surf Club is not to be judged

> lightly, b/c it attracts quite a crowd of sex monsters and juiced up

guidos

> without necks to enhance the atmosphere, but DJAIS takes the putang pie

> here...not to mention the fact that when the weather's shitty, DJAIS is

> still good, while Surf Club usually is not...main reason is that the

> guidettes prefer

> the enclosure and protection from the rain that DJAIS' offers in order to

> prevent their layers of make-up and sparkles from running...whatever it

> takes for you monsters to look good, just do it.

>

> Belmar 10, Seaside 9.

>

> Best Clubs

> While DJAIS and Headliner (notice I won't even mention BAR-A...I'm

> embarrassed of its existence!!!) offer great music, awesome atmosphere,

tons

> of hot guidette monsters and a very close proximity/walking distance to

> 3 brothers pizza and your house no matter what street it's on (I've done

the

> hotel-behind-Headliner's walk of shame back to my house in Belmar on

several

>

> occassions...those fuckin' cabs just wouldn't stop for a shirtless guido

at

> 10am!!!), Seaside just overwhelms the competition...staying open a few

extra

> hours doesn't hurt either!!! You're garruanteed a sick night whether you

go

> to Surf Club then Tempts, or just straight up Tempts on any given Saturday

> night, and Sundays as well. The energy, music, 4am closing and atmosphere

> including some of the best built guidos and guidettes you'll ever meet is

a

> complete trip...there's just nothing like it except for SF in the

tri-state

> area, let the entire country (in terms of worldwide, Ibiza clubs put it to

> shame, but that's another topic). Additionally, all of the juice head

guido

> monsters that want to show off and flex their pecs and lats all night can

> do so without the confines of shirts...it can get quite disgusting when

> you're dripping with other guidos sweat, but it's part of the whole

> experience.

>

>

> Seaside 10, Belmar 9.

>

> Best Chance of Getting Laid

> Just as the tides were beginning to turn in favor of Seaside, Belmar comes

> back with a strong performance in this category. Without a doubt, you have

a

> much better chance of getting laid in Belmar than Seaside. The primary

> reason involves the close proximity of happy hour and nightlife to your

> house...I can't even count the number of times I've taken guidettes back

to

> my house mid-way through a DJAIS happy hour, banged the shit out of them,

> kicked them out, jumped in the shower, and then pregamed for night-time,

> which also tended to result in me taking home or going back to some

> house for a night of slaying, biting, screaming and releasing...if I

really

> liked her, even spooning at times. Secondly, the level of music is loud

but

> not to the extent you'll experience at Tempts which destroys any chance of

> having a decent conversation with one of these beasts, unless you're into

> the screaming at the top of your lungs thing. Finally, the way the houses

> are laid out and frequent house parties throughout the day make it

> incredibly easy to meet a substantial number of sex monsters in the

morning,

> afternoon or evening, which allows you to establish yourself as the

mid-day

> or late night booty call master, always guaranteeing yourself some ass.

>

> Belmar 10, Seaside 7.

>

> BELMAR WINS, BELMAR WINS, BELMAR WINS!!! As suspected, it was close, but

> Belmar pulled it off by 1 and as a result has been awarded the title and

all

[ou812]

This continues the theme....written by the same guy that wrote Belmar vs.

Seaside...not as good though!

Necessities

by Gropasaurus

A hoard of guidos we claim to be,

Born in New Jersey are most of we.

For attire some flaunt D&G and Versace,

While others' set preference to Armani.

One thing's for sure and will forever be,

Wife beaters are an absolute necessity.

Some of us guidos choose alcohol to binge,

While others unanimously prefer the syringe.

Another thing's for sure though and will forever be,

Sleeveless t-shirts are an absolute necessity.

Belmar and Seaside are the destinations during summer,

But one of us pleads in the Hamptons you'll get a trendier hummer.

Yet another thing's for sure and will forever be,

House music is an absolute necessity.

Our physiques are solid like sculptures chiseled from stone,

Quite often from our rooms you'll hear guidette monsters moan.

Still another thing's for sure and will forever be,

Pumping fists is an absolute necessity.

Groping most of us tend to practice,

Even after dozens of chicks have taken offense and smacked us.

This too is for sure though and will forever be,

Maintaining a deep bronze tan year-round is an absolute necessity.

As for hair products most use gel and pomade,

While those of us losing it focus on trying to get laid.

This final thing's for sure though and will forever be,

If you're a guido...living in New Jersey is an absolute necessity.