Republican/Conservative jokes

[normalnoises]

Conservatives, please don't go into a tizzy over these jokes. You can post Democrat/Liberal jokes if you like.

Q: Why did the republican have blisters on his lips?

A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: What is foreplay for a republican?

A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: Why did the republican stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?

A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: How does a republican commit suicide?

A: He gathers his hate into a pile and jumps off.

Q: Why doesn't a republican's guts fall out of his butt when he stands?

A: Because the vacuum in his head keeps them in place.

Q: What do UFO's and smart republicans have in common?

A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: How does the republican car pool work?

A: They all meet at work at 8 AM.

Q: Why is it good to have a republican passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Republicans want to bring back the pre-1950 laws that ban contraceptive devices. What is their simpler method of birth control?

A: They take off their clothes.

Q: What do you call 10 republicans standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 republicans in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

Q: Why did the republican keep a coat hanger in his back seat?

A: In case he locks the keys in his car.

Q: Why is a Republican like a scud missile?

A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Q: Why are most Republican jokes so short?

A: So Republicans can understand them.

Republicans aren't all bad. One saw a car go underwater and rescued two people just using the air that he had in his head.