t0nys book of the week

[t0nythelover]

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. This book is fantastic. It discusses how people should listen to their intuition and how to deal with fear, recognize threats, and how to prevent violence. I really recommend this book to women especially. It teaches you how to recognize signs of a rapist, stalker or violent person. Gavin de Becker works with violent criminals, and works for the secret service helping the president assess threats. He built the secret services system of assessing threats against the president. Gavin de Becker also has a private firm that protects everyone from celebrities to the average abused spouse. This guy knows his shit and if u read this book you will too. Seriously women, reading this one book can do so much for your sense of security.

[Codica3]

This is rather off topic.. but.. it's good to know that people still read books these days.

[t0nythelover]

Originally posted by codica3

This is rather off topic.. but.. it's good to know that people still read books these days.

[Codica3]

So wait.. since this book is about fear and whatnot.. would you say it's psychological oriented??

[t0nythelover]

Originally posted by codica3

So wait.. since this book is about fear and whatnot.. would you say it's psychological oriented??

most definitely. it involves how peoples childhoods affect their being prone to violence and alot of other psychological stuff i cant name right now. im not a psych major and i havent finished the whole book yet. its worth at least takin a look at, seriously. think about this, americans take notice more when a stalker attacks a celebrity even though it happens only once every few years, whereas no one notices or cares about a man who stalks and kills his ex, even though this happens everyday. we fear dogs killing children even though it is rare, but dont concern ourselves with parents killing children even though it happens everyday. this book deals with lots of stuff, but i cant finish discussin it right now cuz i have to get to class...

[Codica3]

Originally posted by t0nythelover

most definitely. it involves how peoples childhoods affect their being prone to violence and alot of other psychological stuff i cant name right now. im not a psych major and i havent finished the whole book yet. its worth at least takin a look at, seriously. think about this, americans take notice more when a stalker attacks a celebrity even though it happens only once every few years, whereas no one notices or cares about a man who stalks and kills his ex, even though this happens everyday. we fear dogs killing children even though it is rare, but dont concern ourselves with parents killing children even though it happens everyday. this book deals with lots of stuff, but i cant finish discussin it right now cuz i have to get to class...

Well then I might take a look at it just because I'm interested in the psychology that the author thinks is behind the idea of victimization and what makes one person more prone to being victimized by violent crimes as opposed to another, etc..

[t0nythelover]

heres an example of what makes victims victims in the eyes of a rapist. this is not true for every case of rape though obviously. often the rapist will conduct an "intrerview", this process allows the rapist to test how susceptible the victim is, how much control they can take, and how much the person is willing to trust them. for example a woman is walkin up stairs in her building with groceries and drops a can of cat food. downstairs a man picks up the can and walks up stairs to give her the can. the woman feels nervous for some unknown feason but doesnt know why and chooses to ignore her intuition so as not to seem rude. the man gives her the cat food and grabs one of her grocery bags offering help, the woman resist but he insist. he ask what floor shes goin to and she says the fourth floor ,"what a coincedence so am i" he says and they walk up together. on the fouth floor he says, we better hurry up cuz we have a hungry cat inside. then he promises hell put down the groceries and leave. at this point the woman opens her door and is forced inside and raped.

things a rapist does:

1. refusal of the word no- rapist take control of the situation. by not forcing the man to let go of her groceries she shows him that he is in control.

2. too much detail-rapist often use too much detail when they talk. they know they are lieing so they doubt themselves and use too much detail to make themselves seem believable. this often leads people to reply with detail giving the rapist valuable information such as "im going to the fourth floor"

3.forced teaming-this is a psycological technique used to get women to see them as friendly or part of the same boat. "we have a hungry cat upstairs" is forced teaming. the important thing to remember is that the rapist chooses to be teamed with the victim not the other way around. this behaviour is inappropriate and should be seen as such, unfortunately many women are concerned with being rude or bitchy so they go along till its too late.

4.unsolicited promises- rapist use promises to convince people to trust them. a promise means nothing, has no value, yet it convinces people. for some reason it works. "i promise ill drop off ur groceries and leave" for example. or i promise i dont want to hurt you.

what bothered the woman is that her unconscious knew that if the 4th floor neighbors rang him in she would have heard the buzzer. her intuition knew he must have been waiting behind the stairs, but she didnt listen to her intuition for fear of being rude. this is only one of many examples in the book. more to come...

[Codica3]

Originally posted by t0nythelover

heres an example of what makes victims victims in the eyes of a rapist. this is not true for every case of rape though obviously. often the rapist will conduct an "intrerview", this process allows the rapist to test how susceptible the victim is, how much control they can take, and how much the person is willing to trust them. for example a woman is walkin up stairs in her building with groceries and drops a can of cat food. downstairs a man picks up the can and walks up stairs to give her the can. the woman feels nervous for some unknown feason but doesnt know why and chooses to ignore her intuition so as not to seem rude. the man gives her the cat food and grabs one of her grocery bags offering help, the woman resist but he insist. he ask what floor shes goin to and she says the fourth floor ,"what a coincedence so am i" he says and they walk up together. on the fouth floor he says, we better hurry up cuz we have a hungry cat inside. then he promises hell put down the groceries and leave. at this point the woman opens her door and is forced inside and raped.

things a rapist does:

1. refusal of the word no- rapist take control of the situation. by not forcing the man to let go of her groceries she shows him that he is in control.

2. too much detail-rapist often use too much detail when they talk. they know they are lieing so they doubt themselves and use too much detail to make themselves seem believable. this often leads people to reply with detail giving the rapist valuable information such as "im going to the fourth floor"

3.forced teaming-this is a psycological technique used to get women to see them as friendly or part of the same boat. "we have a hungry cat upstairs" is forced teaming. the important thing to remember is that the rapist chooses to be teamed with the victim not the other way around. this behaviour is inappropriate and should be seen as such, unfortunately many women are concerned with being rude or bitchy so they go along till its too late.

4.unsolicited promises- rapist use promises to convince people to trust them. a promise means nothing, has no value, yet it convinces people. for some reason it works. "i promise ill drop off ur groceries and leave" for example. or i promise i dont want to hurt you.

what bothered the woman is that her unconscious knew that if the 4th floor neighbors rang him in she would have heard the buzzer. her intuition knew he must have been waiting behind the stairs, but she didnt listen to her intuition for fear of being rude. this is only one of many examples in the book. more to come...

And the sad thing is that many rapes occur with people who know each other -- commonly termed as "date rape" although you don't have to be technically on a date for it to occur.. I dunno what the percentages are but there is a large percentage of rapes that occur in which the victim knows or is acquainted with the perpetrator.. unfortunately I know of this too well. But I always find it interesting how there is a certain psychological profile that exists for people who commit crimes like this.

This book actually sounds more and more interesting.. is it recently printed?

[tastyt]

Originally posted by codica3

I dunno what the percentages are but there is a large percentage of rapes that occur in which the victim knows or is acquainted with the perpetrator..

If I'm not mistaken, the majority of all violent crimes are commited by someone the victim already knows.

Sounds like an interesting read, Tony.

[t0nythelover]

cody, it was printed in 1997. tasty, ya thats true, but i think most violent crimes in general are done by people you know. thats why its so important to be able to predict whose gonna try to hurt you. even more important, how to read a person or a situation. for example most people dont ask prospective babysitters if they ever abused a child or use drugs. why? because they assume the person who is their reference wouldnt hire someone like that. they apply the references characteristics to a stranger and then let them be alone with their children. tonythelover loves all you clubplanateers so read up and protect yourself.

[Felix_Leiter]

wow thats a big jump from Curious George

[yaknow03]

haha nice sig smoke...briefcase show, live in stereo! sorry off topic just caught sumthin