What he REALLY means....

[adeliz01]

What he says: "Woman driver."

What he really means: "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."

What he says: "It's a guy thing."

What he really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

What he says: "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

What he really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

What he says: "My wife doesn't understand me."

What he really means: "She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."

What he says: "It would take too long to explain."

What he really means: "I have no idea how it works."

What he says: "I'm getting more exercise lately."

What he really means: "The batteries in the remote are dead."

What he says: "We're going to be late."

What he really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

What he says: "Hey, I've read all the classics."

What he really means: "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."

What he says: "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."

What he really means: "I was wondering if that brunette over there is wearing a bra."

What he says: "That's interesting, babydoll."

What he really means: "Are you still talking?"

What he says: "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."

What he really means: "I forgot our anniversary again."

What he says: "You expect too much of me."

What he really means: "You want me to stay awake."

What he says: "It's a really good movie."

What he really means: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and nudity."

What he says: "You know how bad my memory is."

What he really means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

What he says: "Football is a man's game."

What he really means: "Women are generally too smart to play it."

What he says: "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."

What he really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

What he says: "I can't find it."

What he really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

What he says: "What did I do this time?"

What he really means: "What did you catch me at?"

What he says: "What do you mean, you need new clothes?"

What he really means: "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."

What he says: "She's one of those rabid feminists."

What he really means: "She refused to make my coffee."

What he says: "But I hate to go shopping."

What he really means: "Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."

What he says: "I left plenty of gas in the car."

What he really means: "You may actually get it to start."

What he says: "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."

What he really means: "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."

What he says: "I heard you."

What he really means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

What he says: "You look terrific."

What he really means: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

What he says: "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

What he really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

What he says: "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful."

What he really means: "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"

What he says: "I don't need to read the instructions."

What he really means: "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

What he says: "I'll fix the garbage disposal later."

What he really means: "If I wait long enough, you'll get frustrated and buy a new one."

And one of my own:

What he says: "I can't be a boyfriend to anyone right now."

What he really means: "I can't be a boyfriend to anyone in this state."

Happy fucking valentines day!

[shadygroovedc]

COOL THINGS ABOUT BEING A MAN

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves, along with vacation plans, etc.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work . . . more pay.

11. Wrinkles add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in minutes.

37. The world is your urinal.

[Guest jroo]

:laugh:

[ez-e]

shadygroovedc

I agree 100%!!!

[revaluation]

What he says: "Woman driver."

What he really means: "Someone who has no hand eye coordination"

What he says: "It's a guy thing."

What he really means: "Leave me alone"

What he says: "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."

What he really means: Leave me alone

What he says: "My wife doesn't understand me."

What he really means: I would like to fuck her sister

What he says: "It would take too long to explain."

What he really means: Leave me alone.

What he says: "I'm getting more exercise lately."

What he really means: I'm banging your sister

What he says: "We're going to be late."

What he really means: "Move your ass you pokey bitch"

What he says: "That's interesting, babydoll."

What he really means: "Are you still talking?"

What he says: "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."

What he really means: You should pay this time.

What he says: "You expect too much of me."

What he really means: Why cant I bang your sister

What he says: "You know how bad my memory is."

What he really means: I dont care

What he says: "Football is a man's game."

What he really means: Why the fuck would you acknowledge her presence during football?

What he says: "I can't find it."

What he really means: You do it.

What he says: "What do you mean, you need new clothes?"

What he really means: If you'd lose some weight you could wear the old ones.

What he says: "But I hate to go shopping..."

What he really means: ...with you!

What he says: "I left plenty of gas in the car."

What he really means: "You may actually get it to start."

What he says: "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys."

What he really means: I have no interest in being around you

And one of my own:

What he says: "I can't be a boyfriend to anyone right now."

What he really means: "I can't be a boyfriend to anyone in this state."

define "boyfriend"

Happy fucking valentines day!

[Guest jroo]

:laugh:

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