iamme Posted May 26 Report Share Posted May 26 > The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and > in Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade, > in Ohio. They were collected over a period of three years by two > teachers. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of > course, spelling! Kids should rule the world, as it would be a laugh > a minute for us adults and therefore no time to war or argue. > > ---------------------------------------------------- > > Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who > all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate > of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. > ---------------------------------------------------- > > Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened > bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on > Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever > reached Canada but his commandos made it. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was > an actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds > like he was sort of busy too. > ---------------------------------------------------- > The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we > wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young > female moth. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people > advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock > which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career > suffered a > dramatic decline. > ---------------------------------------------------- > In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled > biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than they > show on TV now. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The > Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be > made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus." > ---------------------------------------------------- > Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw > for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still > have problems. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. > When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" > and that was the end of the fighting for a long while. > ---------------------------------------------------- > It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented > removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the > circulation of blood. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented > cigarettes and started smoking. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper which > was very dangerous to all his men. > ---------------------------------------------------- > The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He > was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made > much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote > tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He > wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton > wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. > Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of > the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by > rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against > itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in > 1790 and is still dead. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother > died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with > his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the > Emasculation Proclamation. > ---------------------------------------------------- > On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got > Shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They > believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane > actor. This ruined Booth's career. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large > number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which > he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was > the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was > half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he > wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long > walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Bethoven > expired in 1827 and later died for this. > ---------------------------------------------------- > The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and > inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started > reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a > network of rivers to spring up. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. > It was very long and people got upset about it and had trials to see > if it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 > hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she > did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get > to find radios because they were already taken. > ---------------------------------------------------- > Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the > movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the > family had to have a job, I guess. > ---------------------------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepspell Posted May 26 Report Share Posted May 26 > ---------------------------------------------------- > Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the > movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the > family had to have a job, I guess. > ---------------------------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funks0ul Posted May 26 Report Share Posted May 26 lolll :laugh:but wasn't a little read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamme Posted May 26 Author Report Share Posted May 26 lolll :laugh:but wasn't a little read my favourite:Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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