xlr8ted Posted September 15 Report Share Posted September 15 Some of these are great... #15 1. In reality, very few people from South Boston are math geniuses.However, to be safe, assume that everyone from Southie is smarter than you.2. If you want to wear skin-tight black t-shirts out at night, you arerequired by Massachusetts State Law to contain at least three vowels inyour last name.3. Crosswalks and traffic lights are merely suggestions.4. Harmlessly bumping into another guy in a crowded bar is tantamount inother regions of the country to sucker-punching someone's grandmother.5. Steak tips are a local delicacy.6. The speed of walking in Boston is equivalent to the speed of jogging inother areas of the country. Keep up the pace or you will be chop blocked.7. From the months of April until October, 85% of Boston's populationsubsists almost entirely on iced coffees from Dunkin' Donuts.8. If you are a girl between 18 and 21, Bronson Arroyo will be contactingyou shortly.9. You are not going to win an argument with any of the scalpers outside ofFenway. Just pay what they ask and be on your way.10. There is no rational explanation for why there is always a line outsideof Ned Devine's.11. Catholic Memorial will win the Super 8.12. The mayor can say whatever he wants but do not dare park in a spacethat someone has shoveled out and marked with a cone, chair, pool table orllama. You can write all the whiny letters to the Globe that you want butyou are still going to end up with a busted windshield.13. The guy pushing his son in the wheelchair in the Marathon is Dick Hoyt.He's 65 and could still kick your ass. Make a comment and someone next toyou will save him the time.14. Don't be gullible enough to think that everyone is Irish on St.Patrick's Day.15. There are no exclusive bars or clubs in Boston. You may think you'rehot sh*t because you're sitting in Saint but the chick next to you is asingle mom from Revere and the guy on the other side of you is a housepainter from Dorchester. Get over yourself.16. If you hear one of these arguments happening in a bar, don't go nearit. Literally, walk the other way.17. Red Sox-Yankees18. Charlestown-Southie19. Boston-New York20. Boston-the world21. Friendlys-Brighams22. Barstool Sports-Sports Illustrated23. No one cares about where you are from.24. Yes, the Green Line's B line is one of Dante's Level of Hell. However,stop complaining because you should have rode on it a few years ago when itstopped approximately every 8 feet.25. You are allowed to go to a Red Sox game without buying brand new RedSox gear. You will be shocked to know that the majority of people going toSox games are not outfitted in BoSox gear from head to toe. I only mentionthis because if you are sitting in front of me in a replica Curt Schillingjersey, Red Sox hat and you're quoting John Updike and then turn to someoneand ask whose number 1 was retired, I am going to get you banned foryelling racial slurs at David Ortiz.26. If you linger at all when crossing the street, you have forfeited yourright of way.27. Actually, even if you don't linger, you really don't the right of waywhen crossing the street.28. If you don't want to hear World Champion Red Sox or Patriots fanscomplain, don't go to a sports bar. Because we will complain even thoughBoston is the undisputed sports capital of this country.29. Every soft drink is a Coke.30. Evacuation Day and Patriots Day are holidays that only Boston is coolenough to have. Remember to say a little pray that you are fortunate enoughto live somewhere that celebrates holidays by drinking Guinness anddrinking Guinness while watching a Kenyan run.31. If you aren't going 50+ mph on Storrow Drive, get over into the rightlane and let some guys with testes get to where they are going.32. Unless you are Lance Armstrong, don't try and outpeddle my car. I'm notnecessarily going to run you down, put please recognize the fact that mySUV could crush you and your Schwinn.33. Being a Ms. Barstool is roughly the academic equivalent of being aRhodes Scholar.34. The top four athletes in Boston history, in no particular order, areBill Russell, Ted Williams, Bobby Orr and Larry Bird. Tom Brady is sittingjust outside the top 4.35. There are a few phrases that are guaranteed to get you punched in theface at any Boston bar.36. "26 World Championships"37. "Dude, I don't care if you are from Southie, what are you gonna do-fraction me to death?"38. "Charlestown- isn't that where all the Yuppies live?"39. "Peyton Manning is a better quarterback than Tom Brady."40. "Fidelity Investments is loaded with d*uchebags."41. "Hey, say park my car in Harvard Yard."42. Just to let you know that sometimes even people from Boston get alittle nervous, I had a Whitey Bulger line in there originally but took itout. Never know who you are going to run into on Broadway.43. No one calls it Cape Cod. It's the Cape. Does it really need moreclarification? If you are going to the Cape, where do you thinking you areheaded? Cape Canaveral? The Cape of Good Hope?44. Everyone in Boston between the ages of 25-40 has a New Kids on theBlock story.45. Take lefts on red onto one-way streets. I don't know for a fact that itis legal but it makes perfect sense to me.46. Recognize the fact that just because you may outnumber a guy when thefight starts, chances are you won't when you get outside. You would beamazed at how quickly someone will get involved in a fight against you justbecause he and the guy you're fighting both played sports in the GBL.47. Spring starts in Boston when the girls hit BU's beach.48. The best days of the year are when the Sox have a playoff game and thePats are playing the same day.49. There is an honor and dignity inherent in trying to get a parkingspace. Obey the rules. Even if they are unwritten.50. Best way to assimilate- buy me a drink Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaydup Posted September 16 Report Share Posted September 16 10. There is no rational explanation for why there is always a line outsideof Ned Devine's31. If you aren't going 50+ mph on Storrow Drive, get over into the rightlane and let some guys with testes get to where they are going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flavanugz Posted September 16 Report Share Posted September 16 hahah, 10 is my favorite too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamj5 Posted September 16 Report Share Posted September 16 this one made me LOL: 15. There are no exclusive bars or clubs in Boston. You may think you're hot sh*t because you're sitting in Saint but the chick next to you is a single mom from Revere and the guy on the other side of you is a house painter from Dorchester. Get over yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyis4meatheads Posted September 16 Report Share Posted September 16 8. If you are a girl between 18 and 21, Bronson Arroyo will be contactingyou shortly. 10 and 15 are the best though. There's no explanation why anyone would go to Fanuel Hall Period, unless it's for scorpion bowl races at the Hong Kong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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