xlr8ted Posted December 28 Report Share Posted December 28 >1. If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will >appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck >Norris.>>2. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.>>*3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.>>4. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are >trademarked names for his left and right legs.>>*5. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.>>*6. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck >Norris you may be only seconds away from death.>>7. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the >JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his >beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.>>8. Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains >undefeated.>>9. Chuck Norris sold his ! soul to the devil for his rugged good looks >and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction >was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took >his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and >admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every >second Wednesday of the month.>>10. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, >"Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his >name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing >this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.>>11. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet >for Chuck Norris.>>12. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for >handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot >belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.>>13. Chuck Norris does not hunt because th! e word hunting infers the >probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.>>14. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and >includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck >Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.>>15. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the >first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.>>16. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.>>17. Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 >to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age >0 to 125.>>*18. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with >ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.>>19. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks >aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by >historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.>>*20. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck >could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE >YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. >Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't >fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony >of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile >radius of the blast went deaf.>>21. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never >his own.>>22. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck >Norris>>23. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two >seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse >kicks you in the face.>>24. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought >a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.>Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had >gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse k! icked the animal, breaking its >neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.>>25. There's no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just hates trailer >parks.>>26. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and >saying "booya".>>27. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a >spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the >earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature >of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a >meteor, and still owes him a beer.>>28. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris >has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood >and tears.>>29. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.>>30. Chuck Norris' beard is coarser than 40-grit sandpaper. He >occasionally uses it to buff out rust bubbles on his 1974 Ford >Econoline>>31. Rather than being birthed li! ke a normal child, Chuck Norris >instead decided to punch his way out of his mothers womb.>>32. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.>>33. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.>>34. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck >Norris allows to live.>>35. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World >Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and >those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.>>36. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris >could use to kill you, including the room itself.>>37. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game >of tennis>>38. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.>>39. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, >and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.>>*40. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children >who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck >Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and >roundhouse kicks them in the face.>11. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet >for Chuck Norris.> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flavanugz Posted December 28 Report Share Posted December 28 welcome to the intraweb..circa 2003 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groovefire Posted December 28 Report Share Posted December 28 Do black people still say "kick it" when they mean "hang out"? I'm supposed to hang out with a black friend next week, but was wondering if in fact we're gonna kick it. Please advise, thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flavanugz Posted December 28 Report Share Posted December 28 i would double check that he is black first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howienewport Posted December 30 Report Share Posted December 30 Do black people still say "kick it" when they mean "hang out"? I'm supposed to hang out with a black friend next week, but was wondering if in fact we're gonna kick it. Please advise, thank you.I don't think that you defending him in court is hanging out or "kicking it". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JuddyBuddy Posted December 30 Report Share Posted December 30 chuck norris wouldn't last 5 seconds on the UFC octagon.********************** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
groovefire Posted January 15 Report Share Posted January 15 http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20060114/en_celeb_eo/18154 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stymie Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 http://leehotti.com/index.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahrune Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 http://leehotti.com/index.htm :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stymie Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 lolololololololgo thru all the pages of the original photos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KARES Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 stymie!!! eli and i saw you on a showtime porn the other night!! is there something you want to tell me??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stymie Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 shhhh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mahrune Posted April 12 Report Share Posted April 12 please delete this thread and then your lives Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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