2006 Darwin Awards

[HAZE]

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards

are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the

glorious

winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James

Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of

its men to have a look for himself.

He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had

taken the

space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

from

Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,

the

driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a

free

ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling

the

staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre

fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

head

wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how

close he

could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter,

and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man

pulled

a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk

promptly

provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the

$20

bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the

drawer...$15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime

committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

that

he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some

booze,

and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at

the

window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on

the head,

knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of

Plexiglas.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

grabbed

her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was

able

to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,

the

police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove

back to

the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand

there

for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.

That's

the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

Burger

King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded

cash.

The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash

register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the

clerk said they

weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked

on a

Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived

at

the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near

spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to

trying to

steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's

sewage

tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,

saying

that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[lolahotass]

omg the last one.. soo gross but hysterical

[intoxikated]

did anyone hear about Dick Cheney accidentally shooting his friend in the face when they were hunting in Texas over the weekend? lmao thats hilarious...he's a member of the NRA, too....

[SlickSlider]

#4 was the best.

But that list isn't worthy of Darwin Awards, Haze, aside from the first one. The Darwins are for those who get killed or kill themselves through their own stupid mistakes. Agreed, those are some stupid people in that list, but only those who wind up offing themselves through negligence or other dumbness are eligable. Unless the Darwin Awards are now listing idiots as well, who didn't manage to pull their own plugs.

[jimk29]

did anyone hear about Dick Cheney accidentally shooting his friend in the face when they were hunting in Texas over the weekend? lmao thats hilarious...he's a member of the NRA, too....

Now, I'm not attacking you here... I just think it's funny that people say things like did you hear about...

How do you not hear about the VP shooting someone in the face!?

[HAZE]

#4 was the best.

But that list isn't worthy of Darwin Awards, Haze, aside from the first one. The Darwins are for those who get killed or kill themselves through their own stupid mistakes. Agreed, those are some stupid people in that list, but only those who wind up offing themselves through negligence or other dumbness are eligable. Unless the Darwin Awards are now listing idiots as well, who didn't manage to pull their own plugs.

And now, the honorable mentions:

[ou812]

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards

are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the

glorious

winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James

Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of

its men to have a look for himself.

He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had

taken the

space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

from

Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,

the

driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a

free

ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling

the

staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre

fantasies.

The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

head

wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how

close he

could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter,

and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man

pulled

a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk

promptly

provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the

$20

bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the

drawer...$15.

(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime

committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

that

he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some

booze,

and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at

the

window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on

the head,

knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of

Plexiglas.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

grabbed

her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was

able

to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,

the

police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove

back to

the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand

there

for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.

That's

the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

Burger

King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded

cash.

The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash

register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the

clerk said they

weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked

on a

Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived

at

the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near

spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to

trying to

steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's

sewage

tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,

saying

that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

These are all old..............Try the real recent ones: www.darwinawards.com

Chimney-Cleaning Grenade

2005 Darwin Award Winner

Confirmed True by Darwin

(13 January 2005, Croatia)

One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko (purely coincidence) retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight?

He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled with explosive material.

Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however.

[SlickSlider]