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Jack bauer


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Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

There are a few phrases that Jack Bauer can utter to you that mean death. They are "You have to trust me" and "You are the only one who can do this." While death isn't instant, it is inevitable.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

If Jack Bauer asks for your car, give it to him. And your wife.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.

Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.

Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.

When Russell Crowe threw a phone at that guy, Jack Bauer was on the other line.

Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a pussy.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

God created the universe in 6 days. That’s 5 days 23 hours and 59 minutes longer than it took Jack Bauer to create God.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.

If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

To prove a point, Jack Bauer lit Schindler’s actual list on fire.

Jack Bauer does not fire bullets. Instead, they fire themselves away from Jack in pure fear of him.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer doesn't stop at stop signs.

Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

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