Naughty Jokes Of The Day

[rachel1997]

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Naughty Joke Of The Day

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Back in the Garden of Eden, Adam stayed out very late for a few

nights. Eve was very suspicious, and became upset. "You're running

around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable,"

Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel

continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone

poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're

doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.

- Anonymous

Q. How is a dick like fishing?

A. Throw back the small ones, eat the medium ones and mount the large

ones.

An Aussie tourist arrived in New Zealand, hired a car and set off for

the wilderness. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep.

Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a

straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a

bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "Fer fuck's

sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here

one hour and I've seen a bloke banging a sheep, and now some bloke's

spanking himself in the bar!"

"Fair go, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with

one leg to catch a sheep."

- Anonymous

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[phrankadelic]

Ever hear this one?

A blonde woman, a black woman and a Hispanic woman were traveling across

the country by jet. Half way through the trip, the pilot gets on the

intercom and announces, "I have some bad news. We are having major engine

trouble and a crash is inevitable, so please prepare yourself."

The blonde immediately opens her purse and frantically touches up her

makeup. The Hispanic woman asks, "What are you doing? We're going to

crash! We're not going to a party!" The blonde answers, "I know, but I

heard that they always save the beautiful people first in a crash."

The Hispanic woman then goes through her purse and puts on every piece of

expensive jewelry she has. The black woman see this and asks, "Girl, are

you crazy? What are you doing?" The Hispanic woman says, "I heard, that

in a crash, they always look for the rich people first."

The black woman then jumps up and removes her skirt and panties. The

other two women ask her what she is doing. "I don't know where you two

get your information, but when I hear about a plane crash on the TV news,

the most important thing is always finding the black box!"

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Phrankdaphunk

[paulsilverman]

:LMAO

[cmb1975]

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks:

"Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."

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One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch.

The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend."

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?"

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A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress.

"You can't wear white.", reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."

"Of course I can, I'm a virgin!", says the bride. "Impossible", says the sales clerk.

"Unfortunately not", the bride explained. "My first husband was a psychologist. All he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector.... God I miss him"

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i know what i want, but it took me a long time to figure it out

[This message has been edited by cmb1975 (edited 01-16-2001).]

[This message has been edited by cmb1975 (edited 01-16-2001).]

[phrankadelic]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Phrankdaphunk

[phrankadelic]

One day this girl goes to her father, "Dad, I really want to see that movie that just came out, can I please go watch it." The dad replies, "Only if you suck my dick." the girl refuses but says, "please dad, I really really really want to go to the movies." The dad says again, "Only if you suck my dick, then Ill take you." Eventually the girl gives in and sucks his chop. As soon as she does, she leaps back and goes "Eewwww, it tastes like shit!", so the dad says, "Yeah, your brother wanted to go to the movies too."

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The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

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Your girlfriend is ugly when...

(1) She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.

(2) As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.

(3) Even mosquitos stay away from her.

(4) She startles the animals at the zoo.

(5) On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.

(6) She makes onions cry.

(7) Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.

(8) Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.

(9) The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.

(10) When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother

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Phrankdaphunk

[rachel1997]

Originally posted by phrankadelic:

Ever hear this one?

A blonde woman, a black woman and a Hispanic woman were traveling across

the country by jet. Half way through the trip, the pilot gets on the

intercom and announces, "I have some bad news. We are having major engine

trouble and a crash is inevitable, so please prepare yourself."

The blonde immediately opens her purse and frantically touches up her

makeup. The Hispanic woman asks, "What are you doing? We're going to

crash! We're not going to a party!" The blonde answers, "I know, but I

heard that they always save the beautiful people first in a crash."

The Hispanic woman then goes through her purse and puts on every piece of

expensive jewelry she has. The black woman see this and asks, "Girl, are

you crazy? What are you doing?" The Hispanic woman says, "I heard, that

in a crash, they always look for the rich people first."

The black woman then jumps up and removes her skirt and panties. The

other two women ask her what she is doing. "I don't know where you two

get your information, but when I hear about a plane crash on the TV news,

the most important thing is always finding the black box!"

Holy shit that was a good one!

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[phrankadelic]

One day this girl goes to her father, "Dad, I really want to see that movie that just came out, can I please go watch it." The dad replies, "Only if you suck my dick." the girl refuses but says, "please dad, I really really really want to go to the movies." The dad says again, "Only if you suck my dick, then Ill take you." Eventually the girl gives in and sucks his chop. As soon as she does, she leaps back and goes "Eewwww, it tastes like shit!", so the dad says, "Yeah, your brother wanted to go to the movies too."

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Phrankdaphunk

[orchid21]

these are so funny...LMAO

Hey Rachel, how are you?

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