How to Score!!!

[menionleah]

HOW TO SCORE WITH WOMEN

Simple Duties

You make the bed...................................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1

You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings.......+5

But return with beer...............................................-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5

You pummel it with a six iron.....................................+10

It's her father...................................................-10

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly...........-15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian

shirts..........-5

Finances

You spend a lot of money on something impractical............-5

Something she can't use...................-10

Such as a motorized model airplane..............-20

And she got a small appliance for her birthday.............-40

Driving

You lost the directions on a trip..............-4

You lost the directions and end up getting lost..............-10

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town........-15

You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal.........-25

You know them.........-60

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?".................-5

(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)

You hesitate in responding............-10

You reply, "Where?"...........-35

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression......0

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5

You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV........+10

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.............-20

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party..........0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy........-2

Named Tiffany....................-4

Tiffany is a dancer...................-6

Tiffany has implants...................-8

When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly...........+1

When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump..........-5

When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"................+1

When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"......-6

That woman is her sister....................-90

You have one drink, and that's it................0

You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle.........-2

You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18

Saturday Afternoon

You go to the mall together.....................+3

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car....................+4

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar...................-2

You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it....+3

You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional....0

You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .............+3

Most of it chips and beer ..............-6

You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den............+15

Or refinishing the floors......................+16

Or rewiring the basement....................+17

Or adding a second floor................+18

Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.......-6

And you're tickled pink about it.....................-15

You visit her parents.....................0

You visit her parents and actually make conversation ..............+3

You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ........-3

And the television is off........................-6

You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear...........-6

And you didn't even go to college..............-10

And it's not your underwear....................-15

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner....................0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...............+1

Okay, it is a sports bar.........................-2

And it's all-you-can-eat night....................-3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.......-10

You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player.........+3

You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing.............................+4

If you stink.............................+2

If you're not half bad........................+5

You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...........-2

You give her a gift........................0

You give her a gift and it's a small appliance.............-10

You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ...........+1

You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate..................+2

You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months..........+30

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day........-10

With her credit card...............-30

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big..........-40

Thoughtfulness

You forget her birthday completely.......................-20

You forget your anniversary.....................-30

You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-45

Which is in Newark, New Jersey...................-50

And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.............-60

A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal ...........................-5

And the pal is happily married ...................-4

Or frighteningly single ....................-7

And he drives a Mustang....................-10

With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)...............-15

You have a few beers.................-9

And miss curfew by an hour.................-12

You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call....................-20

You get home at 3 am....................-30

You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...........-40

And not wearing any pants......................-50

Is that a tattoo??.................-200

Her Night Out

You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work...................+5

She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late.................+10

You wait up.......................+15

She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..........+20

A Night At Home

You watch TV together.................0

You rent a movie...............+2

You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...................+3

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.............+5

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep.......................-1

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.............-2

A Night Out

You take her to a movie........................+2

You take her to a movie she likes...................+4

You take her to a movie you hate ...................+6

You take her to a movie you like.................-2

It's called DeathCop 3.......................-3

Which features cyborgs having sex..................-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-15

Flowers

You buy her flowers only when it's expected........................ 0

You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........+20

You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself..........+30

And she contracts Lyme disease....................................-25

------------------

Our civilization is still in a middle stage, no longer wholly guided by instinct, not yet wholly guided by reason...

[wojcik]

All you have to do is look in the eyes and the bitches melt like butter. Make it look like you have a lot of money when you don't or make them think you're broke when you have a lot of money or at least till the club will be closing soon( don't give gold diggers shit except a dick) You know if you look good or not by the # of bitches you can pick up so who cares about being fat and losing it just never get it or lose it now!!

As for hoodlums..Say you used to or a friend used to supply them w/ all their coke & E. Girls like money, Fast cars drugs and connected people. As for the apartment always try to go to her place so you can leave at anytime. It's kind of hard to tell a passed out hooker to leave. If you have to go to you're place the bed sheets don't matter you should have started to get it on in the car.

[purplepower]

Thanx. Women tell me I'm cute but I think I"m nothing to look at.

------------------

"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently." --Friedrich Nietzsche

[starcapone]

Originally posted by wojcik:

All you have to do is look in the eyes and the bitches melt like butter. Make it look like you have a lot of money when you don't or make them think you're broke when you have a lot of money or at least till the club will be closing soon( don't give gold diggers shit except a dick) You know if you look good or not by the # of bitches you can pick up so who cares about being fat and losing it just never get it or lose it now!!

As for hoodlums..Say you used to or a friend used to supply them w/ all their coke & E. Girls like money, Fast cars drugs and connected people. As for the apartment always try to go to her place so you can leave at anytime. It's kind of hard to tell a passed out hooker to leave. If you have to go to you're place the bed sheets don't matter you should have started to get it on in the car.

what's up w/ bitches...don't be a hater cuz u got played!!