Guest Dj_Peace Posted October 2 Report Share Posted October 2 > MAKING A BABY... > > > > There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny. > > > > The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now the man should be here soon." > > Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. > > Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...'' > > Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." > > "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" > > "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat" > > After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" > > "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." > > "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" > > "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." > > "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. > > "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." > > "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly. > > The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. > > "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. > > "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." > > "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. > > "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look" > > "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. > > "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." > > Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh... equipment? " > > "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." > > "Tripod?" > > "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long." Mrs. Smith fainted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 I so have a pick-up line for the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oni1414777741 Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 I so have a pick-up line for the weekend.We need a smiley that rolls its eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryan2772 Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 We need a smiley that rolls its eyes.also what the hell happened to the kissing smiley??? comeon, cj 2.0, get your act together.you're officially on notice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 To quote a friend, smileys are for 12 year olds! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oni1414777741 Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 To quote a friend, smileys are for 12 year olds! Bite me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 I did once! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest talknightlife Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 Haha, people DO read those Facebook profiles, wow. I stole that myself from the title screen at the end of a sitcom, it was hilarious. The sitcom wasn't but the screen that they flashed for a tenth of a second at the end of it was just hilarious.Don't fall for a woman who has had sex with one of your rock'n'roll heroes. NO matter how emotionally evolved you think you are, you will never enjoy listening to Eric Clapton again. Don't lurk around web sites where people comment about your work unless you're drunk. Don't use emoticons. You're too old to communicate like a twelve year old girl. Don't forget that you are the product of a culture that went stark raving mad about ten thousand years ago. Adjust your thinking accordingly. Don't answer TV critics questions about the state of TV comedy. It's a trap. Don't eat anything bigger than your head. True in the sixties, true today. Don't believe that crap that you're as young as you feel. Your feelings lie. Don't hug men while shaking their hand. Enough already with that. The shake/hug (shug?) is probably something Roman guys did when their empire was in decline.This web site is impeding progress. Signatures still don't even work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 029 Posted October 3 Report Share Posted October 3 another good reason to carry a tripod~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryan2772 Posted October 4 Report Share Posted October 4 This web site is impeding progress. Signatures still don't even work.i use 2 different IE versions (one at home & one at work), and sigs work on both for moiemoticons are not for 16 year olds. abuse of emoticons is for 16 year olds. used with discretion, they assist in conveying subtle nuances of our language that cannot otherwise be communicated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryan2772 Posted October 4 Report Share Posted October 4 and why is your screenname censored mr techjunkie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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