starbrite Posted November 10 Report Share Posted November 10 How many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.-------------------------------------------Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probablynever be able to support you.-------------------------------------------Why do women have smaller feet than men?It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closerto the kitchen sink.-------------------------------------------How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.-------------------------------------------How do you fix a woman's watch?You don't. There is a clock on the oven.-------------------------------------------Why do men fart more than women?Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the requiredpressure.-------------------------------------------If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at thefront door, who do you let in first?The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.-------------------------------------------What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?A woman that won't do what she's told.-------------------------------------------I married Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was Always.--------------------------------------------I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:I don't like to interrupt her.--------------------------------------------What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?Divorced.--------------------------------------------Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by90%.It's called a Wedding Cake.---------------------------------------------Marriage is a 3-ring circus:Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.---------------------------------------------Our last fight was my fault:My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"I said, "Dust!"---------------------------------------------In the beginning, God created the earth andrested.Then God created Man and rested.Then God created Woman.Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.---------------------------------------------Why do men die before their wives?They want to.---------------------------------------------A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman hopping on Rodeo Drive andsaid, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said,"God, I wish I had your willpower."---------------------------------------------Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a mandoesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in everycountry, son.---------------------------------------------A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." Thenext day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:"You can have mine."----------------------------------------The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget itonce.----------------------------------------------Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the streetwith a bald head and a beer gut,and still think they are beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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