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intimacy issues- - what is my problem????


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ok, so the older i get the worse it is...i meet someone, i dig them, they dig me and then i freak right out!! the minute someone expresses interest and shows me they really care i flip....i don't know what it is. i had a normal (if there is such a thing) childhood and was raised by two loving parents who have a strong marriage. i really don't know what my problem is but i find it's getting worse as i get older....i need help (free help b/c i'm broke...)

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uknj@aol.com

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Well, as soon as I get in your situation I fall for the person and just somehow ends up getting screwed (not in the nice way).

I dunno, not help but maybe a balance?

In the meantime, I might suggest that the cause of your problem is just straight up fear (if that's not already obvious)

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...it's quiet now...and as I think my thoughts alone...I try to keep my head straight... but i thnk i'm too far goneeeeeeee................

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When most people get older, every successive relationship is potentially less and less casual. Society mandates that everyone settle down by their late 20's/early 30's. Being single/looking for someone often becomes so intertwined in one's persona that it in fact becomes a perpetuation of one's youth. Becoming involved in a serious relationship signals the end of the search, hence the end of youth. Commitment becomes a harbinger of one's impending mortality.

Furthemore, there's something terrifying about the prospect of getting involved with the wrong person and wasting precious time. Nevertheless, such considerations are normal. Constructing an emotional barracade only serves to ward off true opportunities. You can't win if you don't play. Also, don't forget to do more drugs. When not doing drugs, drink profusely.

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Originally posted by translucent:

When most people get older, every successive relationship is potentially less and less casual. Society mandates that everyone settle down by their late 20's/early 30's. Being single/looking for someone often becomes so intertwined in one's persona that it in fact becomes a perpetuation of one's youth. Becoming involved in a serious relationship signals the end of the search, hence the end of youth. Commitment becomes a harbinger of one's impending mortality.

Furthemore, there's something terrifying about the prospect of getting involved with the wrong person and wasting precious time. Nevertheless, such considerations are normal. Constructing an emotional barracade only serves to ward off true opportunities. You can't win if you don't play. Also, don't forget to do more drugs. When not doing drugs, drink profusely.

i would like to offer u some advice of my own. however, i think translucent said it all. except maybe i should add one thing: try to be more casual. try casual sex.

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i love music!

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Okay! I totally hear you. I have done that before. The difference in my case is I spent 5 years with someone who was so incredibly wrong for me it was like day and night. I should have seen it sooner but hey atleast I saw it now. So, i'm thinkin I spent 5 years with the wrong person. It got me no where. Now what? Should I try and do it all over again. What if I keep getting the same outcome.

Stop....Breath....If i close myself off I will loose all that someone might have to offer me.

Maybe when you meet someone you really like you should just take a step back and think to yourself that I am worth all of this and so much more. If you freak out you frak out. I'll tell you a good one will watch you feak out, join in and then stick around for everything else to come.

Don't worry babe. There are allot of us out there. Just hold on........

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"Nothing Lasts forever but the earth and sky"- KS

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In the name of the Potleaf,

The Blunt, And the Cannibus Spirit,

SMOKE UP!

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For me a long term commitment is so serious and will be the end of (can I say) an era. Everytime I meet someone that I think is a good person, there is this ONE little/small thing that becomes a huge problem and the next thing you know.... I am avoiding him and than the relationship is over. I feel you UKNJ as we get older, it gets harder!!

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Life can only be understood backward, but it must be lived forward.

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well UKNJ.. since I have had many lovers!!!

... whats the matter with BEEFHEAD??? We loved him whats wrong???

darlin' well.. maybe the situation in itself is scaring you... its a commitment all in itself... Well I'll talk to you more in detail in DC are you going???

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you are all very wise, except p00h, who will not accept that josie and i have a relationship of a platonic nature....but i'll deal with him later.....wow, translucent, you said it sooo well. and lovesky, i too was in a relationship for five years and could kick myself for the time i invested in the wrong person...i don't want to do that again....

sinem--you mean our meathead? he's good, he's a sweetie...i'm just treading on dangerous ground with him and i'd hate to be responsible for hurting him but i think i'm jumping the gun when i say that...aaaagggh...!!

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jumpdei.gif Boink like a bunny!

uknj@aol.com

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