Jealousy?

[tastyt]

Is it wrong to get pissed at your man for staring? What about verbally fantasizing- imagining how good a booty must feel or how much fun it would be to titty-fuck the bouncing orbs headed in your direction.

Now looking is one thing. Everyone looks! I just have major issues with staring with your tongue hanging out. Am i way off base here? I've never been with *anyone* who drooled over another women while I was around, not even once. I knew whenever my last boyfriend thought a woman was hot because he would ask me "what do you think of her?" No drool, no disrespect at all.

The excuse is that I am bisexual. Therefore he can stare at women, but I can't so much as glance at another man because he's straight. Is there any truth to this logic?

Is there any difference in *how* a person looks, or does looking = looking, period?

Also let me add that not only does he get *super* pissed if he sees me glancing at a guy; he is not too happy when I think a woman is really hot, either. For example, I think Mya is slammin', and if I see one of her videos I cannot tear myself away from the screen. He gets all bitter!

Any opinions will be appreciated, but more so if they justify my feelings...

[chula22]

Hey Tasty,

You know what, it is kool for the person to look, but only to a certain extent. If it is just a passing glance then I would be ok. But if it is a stare down, commentation or if the guy or chick has a habit of doing it all the time, there is a problem. I feel that it is disrespectful. It makes you look like a sucker and it makes you feel like shit!

Let him know Girl!

[scaredgirl]

there is nothing wrong with look but I hate when my ex was with his friends and me,they would look at the girls and talk about it between them, they will act like i wasen't there

i mean is not jelouse is just so disrespectful to be completley ignore from all of them

[tastyt]

Thank you Chula, especially for the bit about looking like a sucker- I was going to add something along those lines; but I see it was unnecessary since great minds think alike!

And ScaredGirl, the bit about not knowing how to act when around friends in on-point too.

Anyone else? Guys? A little advice would be helpful...

[stacychase]

i feel you pain and totally agree with your opinion. there has to be boundaries and limits to that stuff. damn don't stare the other person down, don't let the drool come out you mouth, and just show me some respect when you friends are around. have you tried to tell him how you feel??? also try not being so open about folks you find attractive and see if that helps!!! whatever your sexual prefernce is, has nothing to do with how a man treats you.... try talking without emotion or anger.

[tastyt]

Oh, I have told him how I feel about it, I've talked till I'm blue in the face trying to explain myself but each time I'm met with the same rebuttals (looking is looking no matter how you do it, I'm bi so he can look at women, blah blah blah).

Also it's very rare for me to talk with him about someone I think is hot because I know it's going to piss him off. Plus what good would it do to discuss with him how I wish I could get into a threesome with Salma Hayek and Brad Pitt, or how I'd love to run my fingers through that brunette's hair (that one over there! The really hot one on the corner!)? What purpose would that serve?

If he's not into listening about my fantasies about other people, why the fuck am I supposed to enjoy listening to his???

[stacychase]

i understand and empathize completly. as insecure as i can be, we would have many a heated battle over this issue. i am not good when it comes to sharing! even if it is just a look.

[chula22]

Originally posted by tastyt

Oh, I have told him how I feel about it, I've talked till I'm blue in the face trying to explain myself but each time I'm met with the same rebuttals (looking is looking no matter how you do it, I'm bi so he can look at women, blah blah blah).

Also it's very rare for me to talk with him about someone I think is hot because I know it's going to piss him off. Plus what good would it do to discuss with him how I wish I could get into a threesome with Salma Hayek and Brad Pitt, or how I'd love to run my fingers through that brunette's hair (that one over there! The really hot one on the corner!)? What purpose would that serve?

If he's not into listening about my fantasies about other people, why the fuck am I supposed to enjoy listening to his???

You know what, I have been in a situation like that before. I tried talking to the guy first. He didnt understand where I was coming from. He kept on saying, "At least I'm only looking and I am not cheating on you". ILL!

Which I understand, so it shouldn't be a problem for me to JUST LOOK also. But of course it was. If he would break his neck or stare down a chick, I would let him as if it wasnt a problem, and when I noticed the chick staring back I would grab a big chunk of him (front or back) and just smile nicely at the chick. HAHAHAHA!

Eventually he got the picture and tried to control his staring. BUT.. by then I was to through with him. Ilet him go.

Good Luck! He seems very hard headed and stubborn. I know the type.

Keep me posted.

[tastyt]

Thanks guys, this has been helpful. But, ugghhh!, it's just so damn frustrating! It may seem harmless to some but this is something that has seriously made me question what future we have together. I've dealt with this the best I could for 2 1/2 years; but everytime it happens it's like going back to square one!

[spurticus]

where to begin? sometimes i wish i lived on an island, just me and my girl. edenic. pure. all that sh*t. but, no, i live in nyc. where the most beautiful people in the world are. now, i admit it. i am a horndog. always was, always will be. it is my instinct, my naturalesa as a man. but aye, there's the rub-- this raw, primal energy is what it is about us that attracts you gals in the first place, innit? hence, the paradox: it drives us men to lust after who is lustable. don't take it personally, i could say, if we look even after we are with you. it is natural. but then, truth be told, that IS asking too much of you, to ignore that, same as it IS asking NOT A LOT of US to CONTROL ourselves. ah, well. right. out of sight, out of mind, they say, right? i would really be content on my island, not to see another piece of hot snatch... which is why i like to stay home with my lady, home away from temptation... why? because i am temptable. i see the heaving melons and the ripe rump and i smell wetness down there and a lump gets in my throat and... yes, i am a slut. why do we even go out to clubs with our partners, anyway? why, really, if we are not, albeit subconciously, looking for a new thang? guess what: we are. and there, peeps, is the dichotomy between lust and love. love is companionship; while lust is the promise of ever more libinious, heart pounding, bosom heaving, bodice ripping, ribald adventures... and lust comes (cums?) very easily here in manhattan, for nyc is a city of desire. the mantra here is, in new york you can do anything you want to do. why else does the devil visit so often? the end of days-- he came here. the devil's advocate-- he worked here. hell (ha ha), rosemary's baby was even born here.

uh, i forgot where i was going with this...

i'm a bit verklempt. the french have a saying: love makes time pass, time makes love pass.

discuss amongst yourselves...

[gothzane]

Fucking deserve a standing ovation from the legion of man.

Though im a little different.....I have a mood swing (problem?)

Sometimes Im a porno star...other times i wont let anyone

touch me....so if im with someone at the time...which sadly doesnt last...somehow all girls want stability...heh..anyways.

When im in my get away mood...I try to satisfy my partners

every whim and sexual desire. I let them look...touch, feel, taste...and sometimes i have to admit that sometimes swings me back into loverboy mode again........as long as they come back.

Try not to learn your love...

let them wander and learn

disipline with an open mind

and love with an unconditional heart

[nSyNcBaBy]

IMO- its all about jealousy.... how jealous a woman is will most likely determine how much she can stand of her man checkin out other girls.... i, myself, have jealous tendencies (i know im not alone here!) and i know that i am not the only girl that my boyfriend is able to 'see'.... he sees girls all over the place and im sure lotsa times he checks them out... that alone doesnt bother me all too much but the thought of whats goin thru his head does....

yea there are other beautiful people out there besides ur significant other... so it is acceptable to notice them i guess.... and i guess just knowing that hes able to look at another attractive girl and yet still desire to be with me makes everything all better

[mrdick]

Ah sorry sweetie Conflict sucks.

But this is serious - not trivial. From talking to you I have an idea of how you work. You are a serious sexual creature. Sexual energy is what keeps the sparkle in your life.

I think that you are on the wrong track on this argument. The point is respect and understanding - not jealousy. To truly let your sexuality blossom you need a man who has conquered most of his jealousy and controls the rest. You should both be able to stare and drool as much as you want. It should be fun. There should be no rules - just common sense and understanding.

If you are around other people who aren't like you and your BF stares and drools over other women then he is showing no respect to you around those frieds. If you are having an insecure day or are drained or need his attention then its not the time to stare. Its time to focus on you. But on most days you and your BF should be checking out and openly oggling everything that goes by. Sure, when it comes to men you might want to be less extensively vocal about the details. Not because he would be jealous but because he can only share so much of the fun. Although, if you are open minded, it can work. I have no interest in guys but I can tell what a good looking guy is. I will point them out to girls I am close too and maybe even whisper things like "Wouldn't you love to be riding his cock right now" etc.. as she stares at him. Its all fun. If she gets wet then I am happy Both checking out hot girls together should be a no-brainer.

How the hell can you two have menages, forget about truly open relationships , ifyou can't even stare at some guys ass and tell him that you think its hot. That you cannot drool over a nice rack together boggles my mind. I really think you have a decision here. I'm not sure if this guy is capable of sharing or embracing your powerful and creative sexuality. Fighting to make him do so might be futile. You might have to either accept it and cut this part out of your personality if you think you can and he is worth it - or move on. Tough situation.

All the best,

Wyatt