How I spent my summer vacation

[tastyt]

Or: Things I learned about myself and my sexuality during my week off.

1. I can't get anything from a woman that I can't get from a man. Except pussy, obviously, and no matter how good that is it's not the be-all end-all.

2. I don't want to have sex ever again with someone I'm not involved with romantically.

3. Any woman who agrees to a threesome with a couple has major issues.

4. All links of communication to the extraneous partner in a threesome should be permanently severed as soon as sexual contact is over.

5. At this moment I can trust my boyfriend only as far as I can thrown him.

6. Monogamy is what I'm really after but I don't know if the person I'm with is the one I should be sharing that with.

7. I'm confused as fuck and need some comforting right now!

:( :(

[xxlea]

Sorry to hear that hon. Just when you think you have your life figured out something or someone does a 180 on you.

I hope that by the end of the day you'll feel better or at least calmer.

[rachel1997]

awwwww babe sorry to hear that!

[chula22]

Awwww. Sorry to hear that Tasty. But you know what. Think of it like this. At least you discovered all of these things out. There are alot of people that go through life playing the idiot, sometimes because they dont want to pay attention to what they know.

Even though it seems like it sucks. You should feel much better about yourself. The knowledge you picked up over the summer is the knowledge that is going to make your next summer that much better.

And about your man situation. I know it hurts when you think about the time, affection and love invested in one person, and that one person isnt THE one. But he was just your practice mat. Every relationship you come out of you come out of it stronger and smarter. The things he did to you, the lies he may have told are lies and things that the next one wont get away with. It may seem a little harsh, I hope it doesnt, but theses are the things I tell myself when I feel the way you are feeling right now sweety.

Take care of yourself and keep that pretty little smile on that kute sexxy face of yours.

MUAHzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

[blueguy808]

SOrry to hear all that tastyt...hope all works out, or at least your head gets cleared up...

If you find yourself in Astoria, look me up and I'll give you the comfort of my shoulder, though you may need to use a stool to reach it...jk

nothing but love

[sd]

Hey Tastyt, sorry to hear that your having a hard time. We've all been through times that are emotionally difficult, times when your not sure what to do. From reading prior posts of yours I know that you and your b/f have been working through various issues. It sounds like in addition to these issues you guys have been complicating your relationship by involving another person, something that can and often will complicate even the healthiest relationship.

At the end of my last serious relationship I stepped away from it confused and hurt and completely unsure what to do. At that time a really good friend of mine gave me the best advice I'd ever been given, to simply stay uninvolved, to take time for myself to sort out all the issues that had been created as a result of this relationhsip, to decide what I wanted and needed to take from this relationhsip and what I needed to let go of and simply to heal.

In the past I had confused the end of the relationship with another person or even worse had been unable to make a clean break from the person with whom I was trying to end the relationship. This only made it that more difficult to sort out all the internal problems I was dealing with. I'm watching one of my friends go through this kind of situation right now, he loves this girl so much yet she hurts him so badly, after he broke up with her, she realized her loss and has campaigned for him back and he just gave in. I know that she'll be back to her old shenanigans before to long and he'll have to go through the same thing again. Because he didn't walk away and give himself the time he needed to find himself again and rebuild.

Give yourself the time you deserve to discover what you need and want and to rediscover yourself as a person who is emotionally free and independant from others, only then will you know what is best for you.

Good luck,

Steve

[bigpoppanils]

i hope this doesnt mean that youre damaged goods (j/k)

cheer up:)

[SPYGIRL3]

Originally posted by tastyt

Or: Things I learned about myself and my sexuality during my week off.

2. I don't want to have sex ever again with someone I'm not involved with romantically.

3. Any woman who agrees to a threesome with a couple has major issues.

4. All links of communication to the extraneous partner in a threesome should be permanently severed as soon as sexual contact is over.

5. At this moment I can trust my boyfriend only as far as I can thrown him.

6. Monogamy is what I'm really after but I don't know if the person I'm with is the one I should be sharing that with.

7. I'm confused as fuck and need some comforting right now!

:( :(

I hope things get better. It really hurts when you think you know someone and they pull a 180 on you. On the sorta bright side, at least you know what you want now.

[dgmodel]

Awwww... sorry bebe...

[mrdick]

Sorry Dyanna

But maybe you should back the truckup a bit. only know a bit of your story but maybe you are jumping to some conclusions.

What you really seem to know is that at this point your prime concern is finding a hetero male partnerwho satisfies you both sexually and romantically. Someone who you trust and who excites you.

All that other stuff is too soon to know. You had a bad experience or two. But mainly you were doomed from the start by going in with a shaky relationship to begin with. Generally from what I've seen, if a couple wants to explore threesomes and moresomes, etc... they have to be more solidly committed and trusting with each other than normal - not less.

But what do I know. All I'm saying is that in the future there still may be a place for sexual adventure and pussy and new partners. But not as a replacement for what you reallywant butrather as an added bonus once you have found the right guy.

[tastyt]

Thanks for all your support. Things have just been so difficult lately. We were going to move apart anyway, unless he convinced me otherwise. Obviously he did the exact opposite. So... soon it's off to separate residences and then the dating game all over again...

[mrdick]

It'll be cool babe. No settling this time around. I know you'll find a smart, kind guy who you can trust - both to go down on you like a champ and to not do it on anyone else without your permission

Dating game sux (I know) but you are in an awesome position to playit. You are still young, gorgeous and really smart. You know, as much as anyone can, what you want. And of course you fill out a pair of skin tightpants like nothin' else. You got it all You may be too much for most men but when you find one who can match you it will be all worth it

Best of luck.

Wyatt

[nitro449]

Originally posted by tastyt

Or: Things I learned about myself and my sexuality during my week off.

1. I can't get anything from a woman that I can't get from a man. Except pussy, obviously, and no matter how good that is it's not the be-all end-all.

2. I don't want to have sex ever again with someone I'm not involved with romantically.

3. Any woman who agrees to a threesome with a couple has major issues.

4. All links of communication to the extraneous partner in a threesome should be permanently severed as soon as sexual contact is over.

5. At this moment I can trust my boyfriend only as far as I can thrown him.

6. Monogamy is what I'm really after but I don't know if the person I'm with is the one I should be sharing that with.

7. I'm confused as fuck and need some comforting right now!

:( :(

I agree with you and I sympathize with you BUT the threesome part I don't agree with.....

[flying_high]

Hey Dyanna,

Sorry to hear that you're having such a hard and difficult time at the moment. I hope you're emotional pain will go away soon and you will emerge much stronger and with some more experience and knowledge in the back of your head. It really confused me to read your post as you've been such a strong advocate of open and bi-sexual relationships. Now, this all seems to be in question. Anyway, I hope you'll find your way to solve those things and clear them all up in your mind. I don't know what happened and I don't really know if you will definitely change your previous opinions on things. All I know is that what you thought you wanted, was always a difficult thing to proceed. Open relationships and/or bringing another person into the bedroom, definitely need more than love and trust. I believe that they might work in a very stable and powerful relationship (where sex is important but the foundation is a very healthy, and long-lasting relationship and where the additional partner is really only seen as a "sex-toy/accessory"). I'm not so sure that any one of us can have such a relationship at the moment (as we all haven't had a 20 year relationship with all the trust and past in the pocket to have the right perspective on those things)....but if this is what you really want and need....I'm sure that one day you will find the right person to experience those things (after having build and worked on the foundation to make it work).

Lots of love, hugzzzzzzzzzzzz and I hope you'll feel better soon (if you need to talk...please feel free to drop me a line anytime)

[rparadox]

Originally posted by tastyt

Or: Things I learned about myself and my sexuality during my week off.

1. I can't get anything from a woman that I can't get from a man. Except pussy, obviously, and no matter how good that is it's not the be-all end-all.

2. I don't want to have sex ever again with someone I'm not involved with romantically.

3. Any woman who agrees to a threesome with a couple has major issues.

4. All links of communication to the extraneous partner in a threesome should be permanently severed as soon as sexual contact is over.

5. At this moment I can trust my boyfriend only as far as I can thrown him.

6. Monogamy is what I'm really after but I don't know if the person I'm with is the one I should be sharing that with.

7. I'm confused as fuck and need some comforting right now!

:( :(

Excuse me for being crass, but are you saying that your boyfriend continued seeing a girl that you were involved in a threesome with? If I’m wrong, I apologize, I’m just not as intuitive as most people.

If so, I feel for you then. No doubt 95% of the people on this board have been there.

However (another crass statement), If I was your boyfriend in the same position, I’d probably do the same thing. Women are worse than heroin, and (from what I assume), it sounds like he was getting free samples.

[tastyt]

Okay I'll try to make this really long story kind of short. Basically, I wanted to end the threesome we had last summer, because it was turning out to not be a threesome, more like a couple with a voyeur- and I was the one watching. My boyfriend's idea of a threesome is basically that we have sex with the third person at the same time, but not really with each other. Whereas my idea of a threesome is three naked bodies writhing around all over each other and driving each other wild. She and I are both on the shy side so getting myself more involved was not an easy task for me. So I was basically getting ignored, not just sexually but he was also starting to have feelings for her.

We saw her this weekend for the first time since January. In the meantime we've had umpteen fights about the situation. He has apologized repeatedly to me, telling me how sorry he is that he hurt me so badly when he realizes that he doesn't care in the least about her, what does she have to offer him that I can't, she's dumb, unsettled, blah blah blah.

So in the meantime the agreement between us was such: we had an open relationship, and according to him I had no right to put any restrictions on it; so, okay, I can't restrict him BUT if I discovered he was fooling around with this girl, he would get dumped on his ass. Because if he was, he's been lying to me for the past year about how he feels for her. Because if he truly cares nothing for her he would have to be the world's biggest asshole for hurting me like that, again, over her, when he could go for any other woman. Besides, if we're going to move on and truly get over the situation, it's probably a bad idea to remain involved with someone from our shared past.

So- last weekend we wound up going to her apartment. I certainly wasn't letting him go without me and I was curious to see what would happen. I told him before we left that he was getting a little too touchy-feely, and I didn't want him to have any misconceptions. Things are going ok, not great but ok.

I'm drifting off to sleep. I awake to this motion. I had no idea what it was, she could have been jerking him off, he could have been fingering her, they could have been fucking really slowly. Fortunately it was not as bad as all that, but it was still not good. He had his hand on her thigh, rubbing. No, not rubbing, but slowly carressing her leg, running his hands over her skin, over that area that's half hip, half butt. I jumped up and slapped him, started screaming at him and went to go sleep in the living room. He came out, we talked, I let him off too easily as always.

On Monday he got into a huge fight with this girl. Anyway, she tells me that he wasn't just rubbing her leg, he was also rubbing up against her ass, that she didn't want him touching her but he didn't seem to get the hint. He starts laughing, and is shocked to see that maybe I believe her. He says she's lying but really how much of a stretch is that? Regardless, what I saw with my own two eyes was bad enough. Of course I can't help but wonder, even before she said anything, what I might *not* have seen, and what might have happened if I hadn't woken up.

So... now I just don't trust him at all. We have a new roomate and I can't sleep if he's out in the living room with her, I keep picturing something going on between them. What really makes me sick is trying to imagine what was in his head when he was touching this other girl. Like: how aroused was he becoming? Was it more exciting because it was literally behind my back, while I was sleeping right next to him? Was he laughing at me??? Is he, still? Did he do it just to hurt me, to show me that I can't place any limitations on him?

Well that's the long and short of it. He hurt me again over the same person, who he supposedly doesn't care about, only this time it was intentional. He admitted that he was wrong and apologized for it but then had the balls to take it back. I don't think I can get over it, and I don't think I should either. I feel embarrassed talking about it, but when I talk about it the feeling comes back and I remain justifiably angry, rather than just letting it go and being a chump.

[stacychase]

Tasty sorry to hear that this has happened.... I have posted in the past, that I am not comfortable or capable of having either an open relationship and I am not into threesomes either. In your situation I would have reacted about the same if not worse. A threesome is just that.... Three people mingled together gratifying each other. Not two people enjoying themselves while another person watches or has limited pleasure.

One of the most improtant thins that I learned this summer is that you have every right to be upset/angry. It is also o.k. to express your feelings and not feel ashamed or embarassed!

Also as adults we should have limitations we set and we should respect ourselves and respect others.

Good luck to you, hon....

[rparadox]

Well, I'm still confused by the whole situation, but maybe that's because I've never been involved in a threesome or open relationship. All three of you were sleeping in the same bed? I couldn't image, all of my girlfriends have been far too posessive for anything like that.

Bottom line though, if he was sneaking behind your back and lying to you, then I think you should cut him off.

I bet if you let him catch you and I in bed together, that'll teach him

[sosultan]

For one, I think very, very few people can pull of an open relationship unless there's an absolute state of trust between the two of you. Don't want to sound too critical, but what were you doing going to this girl's apt in the first place? The only valid explanation that I can see is if you wanted to test your man to see if he's true to you, in which case he clearly failed you when he started foreplay with another chick right behind your (sleeping) back. I'm not perfect by any standards, but that's pretty low. That's some shit guys can brag about to their friends about a girl they dont' really give a fuck about... Either way, I hope everything works out for the best for you. And even if you end up breaking up with this guy, just remember that it's better that it ended early rather than later when you would've been involved with him even more seriously.

[mrdick]

Basically, even if you and/or your boyfriend are people that can enjoy threesomes and maybe open relationships (truly open relationships almost never, ever work whereas a couple sharing their sex together with the occassional other often does), you guys were nowhere near being ready. Given the state of your relationship and the approach taken it was doomed to be a mess.

I so rarely say this because there are usually two sides to a story and things I don't know - but I feel pretty strongly this time that you just have to go. Get out. Scram.

This man is not the one for you. I've seen these situations too were you just feel that you have to stay with somebody, give them a chance, forgive them. But this isn't about forgiving anymore. Its not about whether he is bad or evil or did the wrong thing. It seems that after all your posts about him that he just is not the man for you. You are a truly sweet and sensitive soul. Your sexual freakyness is something that accentuates your fundamental romantic nature but that cannot live without it. You need kindness, respect, honesty and consideration. You don't need confusdion, strange roomates, threesomes that aren't done in a good way. Your BF is traking advantage of your desire for sexual exploration. After all your talk he or you might feel that you have to do this or that when the opportunity presents. But you don't. You are very attractive and will ahev many, many chances to do all the wild and freaky stuff that you want in life once you get the fundamentals right. And it will be so much better then.

I say get back to basics for awhile. Dump this guy - give him the truly open relationship he wants. Get your own place, find your own space. Then start exploring life on your own terms 'cause this is crap. I'm almost angry here - I am fucking angry at the thought of a guy treating someone like you like that. I mean sure, you're no angel, but this is just bullshit. Time to trade him in for a better model.

[tastyt]

Trust me, I hear you all loud and clear. Maybe one thing I should have added to everything I've learned:

I AM NEVER AGAIN GOING TO LET SOMEONE MOVE IN WITH ME UNLESS I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR AT LEAST A DECADE!!! BECAUSE THEN I WILL NEVER AGAIN FIND MYSELF IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS!!!

Well, ok, maybe not a decade, but y'all hear what I'm saying. I think that's the only real mistake I made. I don't really regret having the threesome because it's something I had to do; otherwise I would still be dying of curiosity. And goddamn!- the first few times, when it was done right, it was out of this world! So I definitely know there is a right way to go about it.

Unfortunately, because of the economics of living in NYC I'm not sure exactly when I'll be able to extract myself from this situation. But- I'm working on it. Thanks for letting me share my twisted and convoluted tale, and it was definitely good to hear advice from people who I know will be a little more objective than my best friend!

PS, Rparadox- If you find this whole thing confusing, imagine how I feel about it!!!

[mrdick]

Youare on the right track sweetie. I'm glad to know that you havent soured on advanced sexuality in general.

Do what you acnto get out soon. And don't pretend that anything is going on when you are still at home now. Tell him its over and that you are just waiting to leave. Stay at friend's places on weekends and whenever you can - try not to be around all of the time.

Mainly, the one piece of advice I cangive you is to move beyond anger. This will please your BF at first but then it will scare him as he realizes that by giving up any care of who was right or wrong you are truly giving up the relationship.

Its really hard to not want to feel vindicated when you are wronged. he will keep making you feel that maybe you were too hard on him or misinterpreted it. You, doubting, will yell and scream and do anything just to finally hear him admit fully and completely that it was his fault - he was wrong. But he may never do that. But aslong as these things matter you are still IN the relationship.

What you have to do is realize that they no longer matter. You or him may have been wrong. Doesnt matter. The one truth that this has all shown is thathe doesnot make you happy. And once this truth is found it really is irrelevant who was the bigger asshole or who was wrong or right. The only thing that is "right" is for you to go. Try to go all buddhist, at least on the outside, and just don't let yourself get baited into arguments or fights. Be kind, pleasant and completely forgiving - because it is very easy to forgive when it doesn't matter.

Anyways, these tings are hard, if not impossible to do but the moreyou act like that instead of screaming, yelling, resentful yet still involved people the better it will go.

But then again what the fuck do I know.

[chula22]

Tasty sweety. I cant imagine exactly what you feel. But I have been in the same house with my man, while he tryed talking to my girl(friend). And It pissed me off. You dont need that kind of stress. I'm sure you got better things to waste your energy on. '

Also, I have the same habit of forgiving people easily. TOO EASILY. But that has to stop. Too many people will take your kindness for a sign of weakness. Like Aaliyah said, "My own kindness caused my own sadness."

I know you know this already and i'm pretty sure you've heard it all before, so I dont meanto beat you in the head.

But everything will work itself out. If he hasnt already, he seems like the type that will hang himself.

[SPYGIRL3]

Tasty, I'm sorry yougot hurt and all confused. When you love someone, I think you put blinders on to avoid seeing the negative in them. I guess that's why we let people off so easy sometimes, even if they break our hearts. I really hope things start looking up for you:balloon: :balloon: