angeluv Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Ok, Im sure this topic has been done before, but Im just curious. Do you think its possible for a guy and girl to remain friends even though, at one point there was something going on b/w them? Just curious bc I was pretty much best friends with this guy and feelings developed, well I had feelings for him, not sure if he felt the same. Now he is with someone but he wants to remain friends. I told him that it hurts too much for me to be friends with him, but he thinks that I am wrong and that I am throwing our friendship away for no reason. What do you guys think? Am I wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitro449 Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 I still believe that guys and girls CAN"T be friends without sexual attraction coming into play....Bottom line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarmenio Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by nitro449 I still believe that guys and girls CAN"T be friends without sexual attraction coming into play....Bottom line Not true at all, I have more friends that are girls then are guys and so many of them I am not attracted to at all. Girls and Guys can be Friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upjumpdaboogie Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 The human body is pretty adaptive, it knows what it's doing. When you touch something hot it burns, when you see a bright light you squint. If it hurts, it hurts for a reason, you can't discount that. You can't control what anyone thinks or feels, so if you feel that it hurts too much to be around him, you shouldn't.A large portion of my friends are ex's, and it's very difficult, but it is possible. It really depends largely on what kind of relationship you had. I've found that in the aftermath there are new ground rules, a lot of the time you can't talk about the significant others, or be flirty or cross any border outside the immediate friendship until you rebuild a new foundation on different grounds. I'm all for it, and I've never really lost all the feelings I've had for anyone I was seriously involved with, and wouldn't want to destroy that because of timing, extenuating circumstances, or 'intimate' incompatibility.You probably know the answer you are looking for and are just looking for justification. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeluv Posted October 11 Author Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by jarmenio Not true at all, I have more friends that are girls then are guys and so many of them I am not attracted to at all. Girls and Guys can be Friends. I do agree that guys and girls can be friends without anything sexual occuring, but I think its complicated and pretty much impossible when feelings are involved, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upjumpdaboogie Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by nitro449 I still believe that guys and girls CAN"T be friends without sexual attraction coming into play....Bottom line I agree, I didn't say there wouldn't be sexual attraction and tension, but if we can't control our baser human instincts then we're just animals, and that is a cop out. People all too often rely on moral relativism and evolution as excuses.We're responsible for our own actions. Bottom line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeluv Posted October 11 Author Report Share Posted October 11 I do think guys and girls can be friends. In fact I am really good friends with my first true love. But it took over a year for me to be able to even say hi to him. And now we talk about anything, about his relationships about mine, its like we have been best frieds forever, but there is no sexual attraction there anymore, well I guess there is, but we dont acknowledge it. The thing is wtih this guy, I had and still do alittle, major feelings for him, plus theres distance b/w us. I tried to explain to him that we just couldnt remain friends bc he would never be able to hang out wtih me bc of his gf, but he wont get it. I am trying to save anyone from getting hurt, but I think the only one whos gonna get hurt in the end is me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by angeluv I do think guys and girls can be friends. In fact I am really good friends with my first true love. But it took over a year for me to be able to even say hi to him. And now we talk about anything, about his relationships about mine, its like we have been best frieds forever, but there is no sexual attraction there anymore, well I guess there is, but we dont acknowledge it. The thing is wtih this guy, I had and still do alittle, major feelings for him, plus theres distance b/w us. I tried to explain to him that we just couldnt remain friends bc he would never be able to hang out wtih me bc of his gf, but he wont get it. I am trying to save anyone from getting hurt, but I think the only one whos gonna get hurt in the end is me. i'm really good friends with all my ex's. once they start seeing other people - if u'r not jealous - it becomes easy since they know u really well (u can talk about anything with someone that's seen u naked a million times, wiped the vomit from your mouth, popped u'r zits - ok, that's gross, but u know what i mean) AND there's no more sexual tension stuff - that's all done and over.last night i went to the yankee game with my most recent ex - a totally awesome girl. we're still figuring it all out since neither of us have really moved on completely yet, so there's still that tension and all. but my best friend in the whole world is my ex that i was once engaged to. she's married with kids and i've never met anyone that could give me better advice or cares more about ME.i have lots of other female friends too. so what if there's a little sexual tension there and u can flirt with them, go out as scamming buddies, whatever. its all fun, people just hanging out, etc. just don't let jealousy get in the way....so, i think it really just depends on the personalities. i only date girls that i really like as people, so being friends with them after is kinda natural in a way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeluv Posted October 11 Author Report Share Posted October 11 I agree with you. My ex and I are great friends. And I can talk to him about anything. There isnt really any sexual tension there, I think its bc he has a gf now who he loves and we respect that. We became best friends when we were dating, so after we broke up it was tough not talking anymore, but we were both hurting too much from the break up. But we both went our own ways for a while and about a year or so later we started talking again, and we are like bset friends now. He gives me bettter advice than any of my girl friends do and hes always there if I need him. His current gf knows how close we are and shes fine with it,I think thats why we are able to be so close as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Well, that's cool! it all depends on the personalities involved, and maybe whether it just ended or someone really hurt the other person.Oh, and by the way, u just answered u'r own original question: its too soon cause you're still hurting. took a year with the other guy, right? give it some time is all best of luck hon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeluv Posted October 11 Author Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by barvybe Well, that's cool! it all depends on the personalities involved, and maybe whether it just ended or someone really hurt the other person.Oh, and by the way, u just answered u'r own original question: its too soon cause you're still hurting. took a year with the other guy, right? give it some time is all best of luck hon. Thanks, maybe I did answer my own question, but the thing is, It wouldnt be that hard, if the guy would just step back and realize this too. I tell him I need time to leave me alone, but he doesnt. I mean I think he means well, but at the same time he is being selfish and its not fair to me. He expects me to just put my feelings aside and be happy for him and be there like I always was, but he has to realize that its not that easy! Thanks for the advice Hun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
themarktrix Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by nitro449 I still believe that guys and girls CAN"T be friends without sexual attraction coming into play....Bottom line Sorry cutie,I have to agree with Nitro on this one.You can be friends, but those sexual feelings for one another will always be there. And i don't believe that your friends girlfriend is ok with him talking to you. If anything, you should be straight up with him and tell him the feelings you have for him and how strong they are. Don't throw your friendship away.p.s. I disagree with Jarmenio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarmenio Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by themarktrix Sorry cutie,I have to agree with Nitro on this one.You can be friends, but those sexual feelings for one another will always be there. And i don't believe that your friends girlfriend is ok with him talking to you. If anything, you should be straight up with him and tell him the feelings you have for him and how strong they are. Don't throw your friendship away.p.s. I disagree with Jarmenio. TheMarkTrix,Real Mature Asshole!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeluv Posted October 11 Author Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by themarktrix Sorry cutie,I have to agree with Nitro on this one.You can be friends, but those sexual feelings for one another will always be there. And i don't believe that your friends girlfriend is ok with him talking to you. If anything, you should be straight up with him and tell him the feelings you have for him and how strong they are. Don't throw your friendship away.p.s. I disagree with Jarmenio. No Hun, you misunderstood my story. The thing with my ex is fine, there are no feelings there. I mean yeah I love him, he was my first true love, I always will, but I dont want to be with him. I value our friendshihp and he is so in love with his gf. When I was talkng about having feelings for a guy its someone totally different, I think I may have mentioned something to you about it once or at least you had asked me about his name Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by angeluv Thanks, maybe I did answer my own question, but the thing is, It wouldnt be that hard, if the guy would just step back and realize this too. I tell him I need time to leave me alone, but he doesnt. I mean I think he means well, but at the same time he is being selfish and its not fair to me. He expects me to just put my feelings aside and be happy for him and be there like I always was, but he has to realize that its not that easy! Thanks for the advice Hun! no problem btw - i once sorta pushed an ex too soon on this. didn't realize it and thought i was being really nice and caring for her. don't do that anymore. its really important to establish your life again on your own terms that have NOTHING to do with him B4 you make him part of your life again. i know u know what i mean.HUUUUGGGGZZZZZ!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angeluv Posted October 11 Author Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by barvybe no problem btw - i once sorta pushed an ex too soon on this. didn't realize it and thought i was being really nice and caring for her. don't do that anymore. its really important to establish your life again on your own terms that have NOTHING to do with him B4 you make him part of your life again. i know u know what i mean.HUUUUGGGGZZZZZ!!! Thanks Hun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitro449 Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 The attraction between a guy and a girl will grow. There is nothing at ALL you can do about it...UNLESS one of you is UNATTRACTIVE then that's a whole new ball game..Human nature is human nature. If both of you look good it's just a question of time. If you think other wise then you're just fooling yourself... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by nitro449 The attraction between a guy and a girl will grow. There is nothing at ALL you can do about it...UNLESS one of you is UNATTRACTIVE then that's a whole new ball game..Human nature is human nature. If both of you look good it's just a question of time. If you think other wise then you're just fooling yourself... I agree and I disagree......If one person finds the other unatrractive physically, but likes everything else, sometimes that fades away. I do think platonic relationships can exist..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barvybe Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by nitro449 The attraction between a guy and a girl will grow. There is nothing at ALL you can do about it...UNLESS one of you is UNATTRACTIVE then that's a whole new ball game..Human nature is human nature. If both of you look good it's just a question of time. If you think other wise then you're just fooling yourself... well, i disagree. sure i'm "attracted" to some of my female friends, but that's like saying gay guys can't have male friends. Just not true. If u both recognize it, then its no problem. You can play with that stuff and joke about it. I know i'm not ugly and lots of my friends are really cute - my other friends date them all the time, so....and u know, even if your all drunk sometime and steal a serious kiss from someone, it can be just that - a drunk kiss, and not fuck up the friendship. just like u can have a stupid drunk fight with your friend and be best buds the next day.my opinion. i'm just an optimistic fool i guess.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted October 11 Report Share Posted October 11 Originally posted by barvybe and u know, even if your all drunk sometime and steal a serious kiss from someone, it can be just that - a drunk kiss, and not fuck up the friendship. just like u can have a stupid drunk fight with your friend and be best buds the next day.my opinion. i'm just an optimistic fool i guess.... This I totally agree with.......It's even funnier when you can't remember why you were mad at each other in the first place..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 12 Report Share Posted October 12 Originally posted by nitro449 I still believe that guys and girls CAN"T be friends without sexual attraction coming into play....Bottom line I agree... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted October 12 Report Share Posted October 12 Originally posted by dgmodel I agree... I have always noticed it was guys who have trouble being friends with girls, not the other way around...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upjumpdaboogie Posted October 12 Report Share Posted October 12 Originally posted by SPYGIRL2 I have always noticed it was guys who have trouble being friends with girls, not the other way around...... I TOTALLY disagree. Granted, I might be in the minority because a lot of guys do feel that if you're not going to sleep with the what's the point, they already have enough guy friends or some bullshit.But, most of my ex's whom I've remained friends with were the ones with the trouble, because they could not get over the emotional attachment. I think that holds true almost universally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SPYGIRL3 Posted October 12 Report Share Posted October 12 Originally posted by upjumpdaboogie I TOTALLY disagree. Granted, I might be in the minority because a lot of guys do feel that if you're not going to sleep with the what's the point, they already have enough guy friends or some bullshit.I think you are in the minority, but I would guess that is part of the reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarmenio Posted October 12 Report Share Posted October 12 Originally posted by SPYGIRL2 I have always noticed it was guys who have trouble being friends with girls, not the other way around...... Yesterday I disagreed but today my mind has changed. It's not worth all the aggravation to try and stay friends with someone. In the long run you end up happier not having that person in your life at all. It causes a major problem when someone gets feelings cause they get nasty because they cannot accept the fact they cannot have you and in there mind friendship is out of the question. Have a great weekend everyone, I know I will. Spygirl I will see you at abyss tonight!!! Let the Crackhaus Festivities Begin!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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