a nun joke, a baseball joke, oral sex joke

[johnnyblackroc]

# 2 4 nuns die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter stops them and says, “all of you have touched a man’s penis in your lifetime. Wash that part of the body with this holy water and you’re in!â€

With that the 1st nun explains how she accidentally turned and touched a man’s penis. She washes her hand and badda bing, she’s in heaven. The 2nd nun said she turned during communion and hit a man’s penis with her elbow. She washes the elbow and badda bing, she’s in.

Just then, the 4th nun tries to cut infront of the 3rd nun. St peter exclaims, “Wait a minute! There’s no cutting in line…â€

The 4th nun screams, “If you think I’m going to gargle with the water after she washes her ass with it, you’re kidding!â€

# 3 Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it.

He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog shit in place of each gift he requests.â€

Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a god damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.â€

On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog shit. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog shit by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?â€

Justin replies, “I think I got a god damn dog, but I can’t find the mother fucker!

# 4 A distraught man is sitting beside his comatose wife of 34 years. A doctor comes in and the man asks, “Is there anything we can do to help her out of this condition?â€

The doctor answers, “Well, there is one thing we haven’t tried. I truly believe she will come out of it if she has oral sex..†With no where else to turn, the man agrees. After they were alone for 15 minutes, the pulse of the woman increases, she comes out of her coma and then flatlines. The doctors and nurses rush in but can do nothing to save he.

The doctor who suggested this reluctantly approaches the husband to investigate what happened. The husband replied, “I don’t know. It was going real well, she woke up, came out of the coma. Then she choked on my balls.â€

[groovygirl]

:laugh: LMAO!!!! Those were good. My fave was the one about the dog.

[johnnyblackroc]

A man walks into the talent agency claiming his dog can talk. The manager doesn’t believe him, so the man started to prove it. He asks the dog, “What’s on top of a house?â€

Dog yelps, “ROOF ROOF!!â€

The man asks, “What’s on the outside of a tree?â€

Dog screams, “BARK BARK!!â€

The manager screams for them to leave but the man pleads for one more question. He asks the dog, “Who was the greatest yankee of all?â€

Dog yelps, “RUTH RUTHâ€

Again the manger kicks them out. Outside, the dog sheepishly looks up at his master and says “Do you think I should have said DiMaggio???â€

[faith11878]

Originally posted by johnnyblackroc

# 2 4 nuns die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter stops them and says, “all of you have touched a man’s penis in your lifetime. Wash that part of the body with this holy water and you’re in!”

With that the 1st nun explains how she accidentally turned and touched a man’s penis. She washes her hand and badda bing, she’s in heaven. The 2nd nun said she turned during communion and hit a man’s penis with her elbow. She washes the elbow and badda bing, she’s in.

Just then, the 4th nun tries to cut infront of the 3rd nun. St peter exclaims, “Wait a minute! There’s no cutting in line…”

The 4th nun screams, “If you think I’m going to gargle with the water after she washes her ass with it, you’re kidding!”

# 3 Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it.

He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog shit in place of each gift he requests.”

Two days before Christmas, Justin’s father asks him what he wants for Christmas. “I want a damn teddy bear lying beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs, I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside, I want to see a god damn bike leaning up against the damn garage.”

On Christmas morning, Justin wakes up and rolls into a pile of dog shit. Confused, he walks downstairs and sees another pile under the tree. He walks outside, looks at a huge pile of dog shit by the garage, and walks inside. His dad smiles and asks, “What did Santa bring you this year?”

Justin replies, “I think I got a god damn dog, but I can’t find the mother fucker!

# 4 A distraught man is sitting beside his comatose wife of 34 years. A doctor comes in and the man asks, “Is there anything we can do to help her out of this condition?”

The doctor answers, “Well, there is one thing we haven’t tried. I truly believe she will come out of it if she has oral sex..” With no where else to turn, the man agrees. After they were alone for 15 minutes, the pulse of the woman increases, she comes out of her coma and then flatlines. The doctors and nurses rush in but can do nothing to save he.

The doctor who suggested this reluctantly approaches the husband to investigate what happened. The husband replied, “I don’t know. It was going real well, she woke up, came out of the coma. Then she choked on my balls.”

:laugh: :laugh: