The Underground Elitist Raver Manifesto

[LavenderMenace]

This is toooooo fuckin funny

After 12 years of loud bass pumping fair for all, The Raver Underground Elitist InterNational Group (RU Eing) hereby announces their current decisions on areas of access at raves to be segmented and segregated.

Disappointed by the state of the Nation of Ravers, the commercialization and the general lack of love for music and respect for our sacred ground of originality and underground ideals. The decision has been made my R U Eing group, to stop this kind of democratic, friendly fun for all.

Understand compliance is automatically stated, and these draconian acts are but necessary to bring back the earlier vibes of yesteryear, so many miss and complain about incessantly.

Therefore the follow a list of criteria one must fulfill before gaining entry into our fantasy fairground of fun.

Are u different and *underground*? Can u prove it?

The Test:

There are six levels of rave ideals once must go through to achieve the highest level.

1) Level 1 Rookie Rolling Raver (RRR)

2) Level 2 Followers of Real Music (FORM)

3) Lever 3 Party Kid (PK)

4) Level 4 The Respected Party Kid (RPK)

5) Level 5 Hanger On to Very Important People (HOT VIP)

6) Level 6 Professional Collective Prima Donna (PCP)

Before Entering, each partygoer will be subjected to a series of tests. If they fail test 1 they will be tattooed with highlighting ink that will automatically show as you enter the black light hallway and banished for a period of 10 weeks or the passing of 15 Underground Parties whichever comes first.

TESTING PROCEDURE

LEVEL 1: Entry Level

Rookie Rollin Raver (RRR)

These are but a few of the essential questions one must answer before we can allow entry.

1) Britney Songs will be played to the line outside and if the subject is seen to jiggle to the beat, or inadvertently sing lyrics out loud this will be instant failure and ejection from the grounds.

2) Testees must recite what P.L.U.R. stands for in 3 seconds or less and profess that it rules their life.

3) Testees MUST proclaim, with a straight face and glint of honesty in the eye, that they go for the music, for the people, for the vibe.

Level 1 Access Areas:

· Bathroom or Portaloos - In the case of the existence of

bathrooms, level 1 members are restricted to the their designated sex

areas. NO Cross Over allowed. You can wait.

· Main dance arena only - with SuperStar DJs and dance anthems

· Selected Chill out areas (to be marked)- Run of the mill slowed down tempo stuff.

Other Privileges:

None. Frankly, as a Level 1 partygoer you are an embarrassment to everyone but yourself. Dont expect to get rewarded for that.

At Level One, you will now be known as a Rookie Rollin Raver

and although your access is limited you will be among the happiest at our gathering as you will as of yet not know the difference between the Cool Kids and the Uncool Putz who populate the rest of this earth.

You will however be laughed at because you are still using the word Raver And have an actual attachment to the idea of PLUR.

We WILL supply security personnel to prevent Level 3 and 4 partykids from attack. We cannot guarantee however, any unkind remarks or jeering about your lack of understanding of the scene. Any emotional distress incurred because you were too young or too unhip to enter the rave scene prior to 1998 will not be the responsibilities of the Raver Underground Elitist InterNational Group (RU Eing).

LEVEL 2: Da Music

In order to be allowed participation in the Level 2 testing process, the testee must first correctly answer the following questions: In which city did the acronym of PLUR came out of and from whose fertile imagination did it spring?

1) Testees must be able to refuse to say the words rave

or raver against much encouragement by testers and moan

at anyone in their immediate vicinity that you guys are partykids

going to parties and ITS ALL ABOUT THE MUSIC DUDE!

2) A sample of electronic music will be played for the subject and

within 30 seconds, the subject must correctly identify the category of music the sample is placed under genres including but not limited to House, acid house, Techno, industrial techno, old-skool techno, hard-core techno, trance, hard trance, psychedelic trance, house, progressive house, old school, garage, crap pop shit, Drum n bass, Jungle, tech-step, hard-step, acid-jazz, trip hop, happy hard-core.

In the event that a particular track or artist may have influence from more than one genre and so defy this type of pigeonholing, then either genre will be accepted as the answer.

3) For those who are able to name, the artist, the track, the release date, you will be given Level 2b status. Although Level 2b status is equal to Level 2 status regarding access of areas, Level 2b status will automatically allow you to attain 3b status when your Level 3 status is activated.

Level 2 Access Areas:

· Bathroom-designated-sex one only.

· Main dance arena

· One small room near the exit-with slightly different music to

the Main area

· One Additional chill out area (marked by a ~2~)

Other Privileges:

You will be OFFICIALLY known as a PARTY KID, otherwise its just

a name to hide from cops and the media. Carry your badge at all times.

LEVEL 3: Learning to discriminate

1) Testees must be able to recite the Partykid Rants about Newbies ravers, how the scene has changed (with specific examples), and in a line up point out those with only level one access.

2) Testees will also have to demonstrate respect by prostrating in front of our level 5 and 6 panel of judges, and convincingly bemoan their fate of not having participated in the scene then.

Those having entered the scene in 1998 may instead demonstrate their relief at having caught the last good year of the scene.

3) Practical Test: An on spot demonstration of liquid and/or glow

stick maneuvers to undisclosed track of testers choice. (It is

advised potential testees become familiar with beats from all genres)

Level 3B

1) For extra credit to achieve Level 3B status, testees will need to

name level 5 and 6 members on sight and relate one amusing

word-of-mouth anecdote concerning that person. Published stories in magazines, the Internet or mailing lists will not be accepted.

Those who have attained Level 3b status will allowed to participate in the RU Eing Level 1 screening process.

Level 3 Access Areas:

· Bathrooms -cross over permitted

· Main Dance Arena

· Two Additional Dance Areas -Guaranteed one room of a different

genre to the main room

· Along the walls near the main entrance -holders of the Level 3B

badge will be permitted to eye all newcomers and judge their worth at entry. Some heckling is allowed.

Additional Privileges:

Level 3 members are permitted to choose a pseudonym/handle and request that the entire community address them accordingly. Popular examples in history have been Glitter, Glow, conveniently appropriate for both males and females, with the additional letters E, X and K always being an attractive addition to any handle.

Level 3b: As stated above.

LEVEL 4: The Respected Party Kid

In order to be allowed to participate in the Level 4 testing process. The testee must correctly answer the following questions.

-In which city did techno originate?

-In which city did the elements of dance culture come together?

-What was the name of the original music played in the first

parties?

For those seeking Level 4 status, a written test will be administered in 3 parts, testing historical knowledge and safety tips of the scene.

Part I: Multiple-Choice

The questions will be lifted from the following:

-The Raver Personality Guide

-You know you are a Raver when

-How to Give Hugs.

-Dancesafe.org

(All of the above is easily available on the World Wide Web for those who need a reference guide to study from)

Part II: Short Answers

There will be a series of short-answer questions on the movies

Go, human traffic, Groove, and better living through circuitry, wherein testees will be expected to explain areas of similarities and discrepancy between those portrayals to the actual Scene.*

*Please note: some applicants may be asked to read their answer aloud to ensure the correct level of slight contempt mixed with amusement at Hollywood's rendition of Our Scene.

Part III: Essay Question

Compare and Contrast 2 of the above 4 titles and discuss

their impact on todays cultural landscape.

For extra credit, you may recount your personal experiences upon

watching or reading the above titles in relation to how it changed

your life, views and behaviors towards and within the Scene.

Level 4 Access Areas:

· Bathrooms - crossovers permitted

· Main Dance Arena-seating at the wall is reserved for you and

two pals.

· Drum n Bass Room [if event is a drum n bass party, then access will be granted to the smaller room]

· Any additional music rooms/areas

· Most designated chill out areas including by the main entrance catching up with the bouncers who are all coo wit cha

Additional Privileges:

· Those bouncers you were chilling with might give you the drugs they scored off other kids during the patdown at the door.

· Respect

However with respect comes with responsibilities, and it should be noted that while not part of the testing procedure, it is expected that members of Level 4: Respected Partygoer category

will have 3 or more amusing/crazy** word-of- mouth anecdotes of party and/or drug related circumstances in circulation.

**for guidelines to our accepted values of crazy, see our net-published handbook, Online-Manual: Raver Underground Elitist

InterNational Group (O Man RU Eing)

LEVEL 5: Hanger On to Very Important People (HOT VIP)

Test 1: Testees will have to show close personal relationships with Level 6 personnel

1) You must submit a signed and verified introduction letter from your Level 6 sponsor, with recent passport photo attached. Your sponsor will need to initial the photo on the front and sign a short declaration on the back stating the photo to be a true likeness of you.

If for any reason you are unable to produce this letter, but feel that you have an equivalent substitute, the RU Eing board will grant you an interview wherein you may present any relevant documents that prove your affiliation with the upper levels.* You will also be required to explain in detail your inability to find a sponsor.

* Applicants in such a situation will need to go in person to the

Raver Underground Elitist InterNational Group YEar-Round Head Office (RU Eing YER Head Off)

Each testee at this level is requested to produce all submitted

documents in triplicate to aid the speed of the application process.

If testees have no personal relationship with members of higher

levels, but would nonetheless like to achieve Level 5 status, we do provide an alternative to Test I.

Please note: It is a prerequisite for participation in the Level 5

Alternative Test. Testee will be required, upon being shown snapshots of DJs at varying angles, to name who they are and what they spin. Testee must also name six events our DJs have played at, in order of increasing venue capacity.

Level 5 Alternative Test

1) A personal declaration of your intent to pursue DJ-ing or producing as a career.

2) Demonstrate an ability to tell a story about the last time you went record shopping, mentioning casually the first names of at least two local record producers.

At Level 5 the knowledge and usage of the appropriate vocabulary is very important. Key phrases found in the speech of an ideal Level 5 badge holder include but are not limited to:

were tight

its so commercial

The third riff mixed with the sample of ****** in ***** by

***** may be their best ever.

BACK IN THE DAY

Be sure that you are able to name drop with ease. And cultivate that ability to reflect someone elses glory onto yourself. The

quintessential Level 5 badge holder will be able to bask in the

reflected glory of everyone from their producer-cousin to Fatboy Slim.

Level 5 Alternative Test - Practical Section: DJs Only

You must show competence in a series of maneuovers:

- holding a lit cigarette in your mouth throughout your set

- simultaneously bopping around cheerfully to the beat, selecting your next record, and ignoring the empty echoing cavern that is

your Tuesday night gig

- bestowing a special smile on any babe in the crowd who

catches your eye, at the same time pointing your finger at the crowd in its entirety

You will be able to bring your own records. As in, you will carry your own records. You can have your own hanger ons when you reach Level 6.

Level 5 Alternative Test - Practical Section: Producers Only

If you pass the first section of the Level 5 Alternative Test, you

will then be asked to demonstrate your Producing credentials to our Panel of Level 6 judges by submitting an original track in the genre you favor most.

We do not accept entries recorded onto tape. Your track should be easily downloadable from the Internet in MP3 format, although CDs and MDs will be accepted. However, we cannot promise return of the originals.

Since this is the level before you become a bona-fide RU Eing Member, we do suggest all those who have gained Level 5 status to work towards some specification.

We suggest you develop some skills in flier design, sound equipment set up, lighting, underground label affiliations and other activities, which are essential to any good party. Remember however that your primary role is to Hang On, and as such, any secondary skills u develop should not eclipse this, otherwise you may become, for example, "The Sound Guy"

Those whose abilities veer away from the technical, we strongly

suggest you improve your status by specializing into the managerial stream. A manager is the highest status a hanger on can achieve and often has considerable influence over members of higher levels.

Upon completing the test and practical test (only one stream required) to the satisfaction of the RU Eing board, you will be awarded the Level 5: HOT VIP badge and be known as a Hanger On To Very Important People.

In addition to areas previously accessible, you will gain entry to the following:

· All designated chill out areas including one with a couch*

· The entrance to the DJ booth**

· Behind the refreshment stalls**

· Beyond the boundaries of the official party area

* please note however, that if a member of Level 6 should enter the area, you must immediately relinquish any couch space and make frantic hand motions that they are to occupy your recently vacated seat.

Level 5 members are encouraged to revert back to using their real names when coming into contact with Level 1, 2 and 3 badge holders (relative newbies to the scene, they will most likely not know of the days when you insisted your first name was Glitter and your last name was Bug). Of course, as a Level 5 member in good standing, prerogative of choice is yours.

It is however strongly suggested that you do NOT introduce yourself to older members of Level 5 or 6 by your handle, with exception to mailing list members. It is perceived as the behavior of a Level 3 neophyte.

LEVEL 6: DJ and/or Promoter - u da man now! (da man being gender nonspecific in this case)

In order to achieve level six status:

1) You must be able to talk about your 'vision' and explain why it is the driving force behind everything you do

2) You must produce at least 6 signed references (preferable one by your parents) which testify that for the last eight months every word out of your mouth has been related to DJ-ing/promoting (depending on your chosen stream)

Voting booths are opened at every financial quarter. Those with level 3B access and above will be permitted to join the RU Eing board in voting for select individuals from the incoming new batch of promoters and DJs to be on the RU Eing board.

I

Candidates will be judged on:

Appearance

Hygiene

Drug Tolerance

II

Ability to please the crowd yet at the same time discern between the

'taste of the crowd' and 'good taste.'

Come up with three "never done before ideas" yet is

deferential to the pioneers before, sparing a moment before the

commencement of every set/event to silently thank personal hero for all the inspiration.

For extra translevel categorization points, you may create a party, set or record that references past achievements yet bring to it a personal touch, with grace, cheek, and originality.

Please read the above Carefully. These are the rules we have to live by. All that moaning and bickering in the past eight years must stop! What we are trying to achieve here to bring back the earlier vibes of yester year. Peace Love Unity Respect!

The authors of this document are mere hired legal aids to the RU Eing Board. Instead they are part of a more underground society known as SWAD (Stop Whining and Dance) also known in the colloquial party kid dialect as SUD which stands for SHUT UP! DANCE!

[gwyllion]

:laugh:

That was hilarious...........

(R U Eing YER Head Off)

[cotoncandydream]

OMG :laugh: That is the Funniest Shit I have read in a while LAV you ROCK!!!

[tottallyoff]

funny stuff. I am not sure where I fall....

[LavenderMenace]

I just love the fact that they refer to everyone as testees

yeah. I'm easily amused

[siceone]

Im level 4 I feel like such a tool now cause that shit was so true LOL

way to go momma !!!

[phuturephunk]

. . . . . Ladies and Gentlemen, that was the post of the year . . . . Who Rawks? . . . .

[phuturephunk]

I'm bumping this thread . . cause if YOU people don't get and love this one . . then yall don't even rank as a 1 on the scale mentioned in the post . .

. . EVERYONE on this BOARD should reply to this one . . .

[clubmouse]

*BUMP*

[crobra]

LMFAO - that was great LM - one of the funniest threads in a while!!!

[roadrunner]

You know it's real, too, cuz it's SO LONG and they constantly keep fucking up what the levels are called... five bucks says it was written by party kids on crystal.

[mugwump]

[thehacker]

i got over a hundred finished tracks that say i'm a level 5.

[phuturephunk]

. . . bump . . . NOOBS! . . . . . . . .

[echostar]

Originally posted by lavendermenace

Those having entered the scene in 1998 may instead demonstrate their relief at having caught the last good year of the scene.

so true... hasnt been the same since

im level 5 by the way...im officially awesome:biggrin: